I thought I was chief negotiator for the other site in the last round of discussions, came here in the flush of my youth with dreams of moving on to settle the middle east and reforming Oasis, but it turned out I was to be a good faith hostage, held until such time as certain byzantine conditions were met as to my release, whilst being forced to write cheery doggerel to maintain the falsehood of collaboration, but caught between Pizzamans jealousy and SCG’s need for more slaves, I have been imprisoned here since.
Please inform Amnesty.