Jokes

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Proleg

Re: Jokes
« Reply #150 on: April 11, 2009, 12:04:54 PM »
- Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- The CIA.
- The CIA who?
- You're under arrest. For being a terrorist.
- But you have no evidence!
- Wakka wakka wakka!

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Wendy

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #151 on: April 11, 2009, 12:07:11 PM »
What's black and blue and grows on trees in west Virginia? Niggers.
Here's an explanation for ya. Lurk moar. Every single point you brought up has been posted, reposted, debated and debunked. There is a search function on this forum, and it is very easy to use.

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Robbyj

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #152 on: April 11, 2009, 04:51:40 PM »
Once upon a time there were two men wandering around in Death Valley. During their wanderings, they came across a lever in the sand with a sign attached to it. The sign read PULL LEVER TO END THE WORLD. This frightened the two men to a point which they thought that they should do something to keep any person from pulling the lever on purpose or by accident. The first thing they tried to do was destroy the lever, but to their dismay the lever was indestructible. They next tried to bury the lever but found that any sand piled on top of the lever was magically swept away within seconds. After a few days worth of thinking, one of the men, call him Joe for want of a better name, came up with what he thought was a brilliant plan. After discussing his idea with Bill (the other man in this story), they ran all the way into the nearest town and bought themselves a 30 foot Python and named him Nate. Joe and Bill then took Nate out to where the lever was and spent the next two weeks training Nate to hiss at anybody who got within ten feet of the lever. Nate got very good at protecting the lever and Joe and Bill were satisfied that the lever would never be pulled. After Joe and Bill returned to the town, they soon began bragging about what they has accomplished. This brought their work to the attention of the Humane Society. A few days after their return, a representative of the Humane Society informed them that they could not leave Nate unprotected in the desert without risking legal action against themselves. Bill and Joe then went to the local pet store and bought Nate a Python house and dragged it the 47 miles out to where the lever stood and built it for Nate.The house went up easily, but Joe and Bill had to retrain Nate to stay in his house and whenever someone got too close to the lever, to leave his house and to hiss the person away. Joe and Bill were again rather proud of what they did and made their way back to town. Just as they entered the city limits, the representative of the Humane Society met them there. "I'm sorry," said the rep, "but the law states that you need a source of water for your snake out in the desert". The rep suggested that they install a swimming pool for Nate and they agreed. Joe and Bill then went to the town's swimming pool center and bought the supplies for a nice Olympic sized pool for Nate. They dragged the supplies the 47 miles out to Nate and installed the pool. Now Bill and Joe had to re-retrain Nate. They had to teach him how to swim, to leave the pool when someone got too close to the lever, and not to hiss at the man who came once a week to fill his pool. This took another month because Nate wasn't a very good swimmer. Joe and Bill were exhausted after this and made their way to town taking their time. When they finally did get back, the mayor of the town met them at the city limits with some bad news. "I just found out" explained the mayor, "the state plans on building a highway that goes right between Nate's house and the lever. So now Joe and Bill had to rereretrain Nate. Now whenever someone got too close to the lever, Nate had to leave his house, look both ways across the street and then hiss at the person until they went away. This took another month, but the highway was finally built and everything went rather well, expect for the occasional hissing at by Nate at some highway worker who strayed too close to the lever.Things went very well for the next ten years. One day, the man who filled Nate's pool was on his way to do just that. There was an accident in the road just before Nate's house. The driver had to swerve in order to avoid the accident and ran right over Nate's house killing Nate. When asked later why the driver chose to run over Nate's house rather than hitting the lever, the driver replied "It was better Nate than Lever".
Why justify an illegitimate attack with a legitimate response?

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Benjamin Franklin

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #153 on: April 11, 2009, 06:11:02 PM »
*cough cough*

10 out of 10 people understand binary.

Edit: Who wants to hear a joke?




























Women's rights

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Robbyj

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #154 on: April 11, 2009, 06:15:39 PM »
*cough cough*

10 out of 10 people understand binary.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world.  Those who understand binary and those who do not.
Why justify an illegitimate attack with a legitimate response?

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Mr. Ireland

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #155 on: April 11, 2009, 06:33:57 PM »
Edit: Who wants to hear a joke?
Women's rights

Fucking fommies.

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optimisticcynic

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #156 on: April 14, 2009, 07:56:27 PM »
Statistics are like a bikini. What they show is intriguing but what they conceal is vital.


Statistically the number of children you have is the same number your parents had. Therefore if your parents didn't have children chances are you won't either.
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

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Benjamin Franklin

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #157 on: April 14, 2009, 08:02:04 PM »
Statistically the number of children you have is the same number your parents had. Therefore if your parents didn't have children chances are you won't either.

I snickered, I'll admit it.

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ﮎingulaЯiτy

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #158 on: April 14, 2009, 08:43:21 PM »
Please don't call that butchered crap you speak "English". Call it "American" if you will, but it's not English.
Just like they spoke English in Shakespearean times?  :D
New trends are emerging.
Language is evolving.
Your old English is obsolete!
If I was asked to imagine a perfect deity, I would never invent one that suffers from a multiple personality disorder. Christians get points for originality there.

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Proleg

Re: Jokes
« Reply #159 on: April 14, 2009, 08:45:12 PM »
Please don't call that butchered crap you speak "English". Call it "American" if you will, but it's not English.
Just like they spoke English in Shakespearean times?  :D
New trends are emerging.
Language is evolving.
Your old English is obsolete!
Majority wins though.

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Parsifal

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #160 on: April 14, 2009, 08:45:21 PM »
Just like they spoke English in Shakespearean times?  :D
New trends are emerging.
Language is evolving.
Your old English is obsolete!

Except that most of the world still speaks English. When you can claim that more than a handful of countries speak your butchered shit, come back and try to argue that the language is "evolving".
I'm going to side with the white supremacists.

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Raist

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #161 on: April 14, 2009, 08:45:59 PM »
la⋅bor [ley-ber]
noun
1.    productive activity, esp. for the sake of economic gain.
2.    the body of persons engaged in such activity, esp. those working for wages.
3.    this body of persons considered as a class (distinguished from management and capital ).
4.    physical or mental work, esp. of a hard or fatiguing kind; toil.
5.    a job or task done or to be done.
6.    the physical effort and periodic uterine contractions of childbirth.
7.    the interval from the onset of these contractions to childbirth.


learn2english fucktard.

Please don't call that butchered crap you speak "English". Call it "American" if you will, but it's not English.

    Hw?t! We Gardena         in geardagum,
    ?eodcyninga,         ?rym gefrunon,
    hu ?a ??elingas         ellen fremedon.
    Oft Scyld Scefing         scea?ena ?reatum,
5
    monegum m?g?um,         meodosetla ofteah,
    egsode eorlas.         Sy??an ?rest wear?
    feasceaft funden,         he ??s frofre gebad,
    weox under wolcnum,         weor?myndum ?ah,
    o???t him ?ghwylc         ?ara ymbsittendra


This is english. Don't call that bastardized shit english, maybe frenglish is a more apt name.

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Parsifal

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #162 on: April 14, 2009, 08:46:57 PM »
    Hw?t! We Gardena         in geardagum,
    ?eodcyninga,         ?rym gefrunon,
    hu ?a ??elingas         ellen fremedon.
    Oft Scyld Scefing         scea?ena ?reatum,
5
    monegum m?g?um,         meodosetla ofteah,
    egsode eorlas.         Sy??an ?rest wear?
    feasceaft funden,         he ??s frofre gebad,
    weox under wolcnum,         weor?myndum ?ah,
    o???t him ?ghwylc         ?ara ymbsittendra


This is english. Don't call that bastardized shit english, maybe frenglish is a more apt name.

I don't think any incarnation of English was ever littered with question marks throughout, but nice try.
I'm going to side with the white supremacists.

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Raist

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #163 on: April 14, 2009, 08:51:21 PM »
Please keep spam out of everything else. That was obviously due to the fact that tfes does not accept accents. The text in full can be seen by reading beowulf.
« Last Edit: April 14, 2009, 08:56:15 PM by Raist »

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optimisticcynic

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #164 on: April 14, 2009, 09:00:38 PM »
could we start posting jokes again.
if you keep this up I will post more math jokes.
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

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ﮎingulaЯiτy

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #165 on: April 15, 2009, 07:49:23 AM »
Majority wins though.
:-X

Except that most of the world still speaks English. When you can claim that more than a handful of countries speak your butchered shit, come back and try to argue that the language is "evolving".
Way to remove simplicity from Proleg's post.
Evolution has many branches. Old English correlates to our monkey friends, though they may be modern creatures themselves.  ;)

could we start posting jokes again.
if you keep this up I will post more math jokes.
Is that a threat? DO IT!  :D
« Last Edit: April 15, 2009, 07:51:19 AM by ﮎingulaЯiτy »
If I was asked to imagine a perfect deity, I would never invent one that suffers from a multiple personality disorder. Christians get points for originality there.

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Colonel Gaydafi

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #166 on: April 15, 2009, 10:34:41 AM »
I think we can all agree that we should all speak Gayer's form of English, whatever form that may take.
Quote from: WardoggKC130FE
If Gayer doesn't remember you, you might as well do yourself a favor and become an hero.
Quote from: Raa
there is a difference between touching a muff and putting your hand into it isn't there?

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Guessed

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #167 on: April 15, 2009, 10:43:02 AM »


Are you guys telling jokes? I loove jokes.
Is Dino open source?

Quote from: grogberries


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markjo

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #168 on: April 15, 2009, 12:08:26 PM »
Just like they spoke English in Shakespearean times?  :D
New trends are emerging.
Language is evolving.
Your old English is obsolete!

Except that most of the world still speaks English. When you can claim that more than a handful of countries speak your butchered shit, come back and try to argue that the language is "evolving".

Actually, more people speak Mandarin than English.  http://www.krysstal.com/spoken.html
Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
Quote from: Robosteve
Besides, perhaps FET is a conspiracy too.
Quote from: bullhorn
It is just the way it is, you understanding it doesn't concern me.

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Benjamin Franklin

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #169 on: April 15, 2009, 12:11:37 PM »
Yes,but most of those people are chinese panda killers,so they have no souls.
The "best" people speak english (the rich,the powerful,the smart scientists, ect ect)

(Wow I came off as a major bigot.)

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Proleg

Re: Jokes
« Reply #170 on: April 15, 2009, 12:18:02 PM »
Just like they spoke English in Shakespearean times?  :D
New trends are emerging.
Language is evolving.
Your old English is obsolete!
Except that most of the world still speaks English. When you can claim that more than a handful of countries speak your butchered shit, come back and try to argue that the language is "evolving".
Actually, more people speak Mandarin than English.  http://www.krysstal.com/spoken.html
He meant that more people speak English than Amerikkkan.

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Parsifal

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #171 on: April 15, 2009, 12:18:06 PM »
Actually, more people speak Mandarin than English.  http://www.krysstal.com/spoken.html

I obviously meant of those countries which speak English-based languages, dumbass.
I'm going to side with the white supremacists.

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Colonel Gaydafi

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #172 on: April 15, 2009, 12:23:36 PM »
Was it obvious to everyone apart from markjo what Robo meant?
Quote from: WardoggKC130FE
If Gayer doesn't remember you, you might as well do yourself a favor and become an hero.
Quote from: Raa
there is a difference between touching a muff and putting your hand into it isn't there?

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Eddy Baby

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #173 on: April 15, 2009, 12:26:53 PM »
I just figured that to argue about anything so petty would be really stupid.....

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optimisticcynic

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #174 on: April 15, 2009, 12:39:44 PM »
I warned you

Biologists think they are biochemists,
Biochemists think they are Physical Chemists,
Physical Chemists think they are Physicists,
Physicists think they are Gods,
And God thinks he is a Mathematician.

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.
The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.
Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.

Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is 2 * 2 ?"
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces "3.99".
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02".
The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: "I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!".
Philosopher smiles: "But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?"
Logician replies: "Please define 2 * 2 more precisely."
The sociologist: "I don't know, but is was nice talking about it".
Behavioral Ecologist: "A polygamous mating system".
Medical Student : "4" All others looking astonished : "How did you know ??" Medical Student : :I memorized it."
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

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Wendy

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #175 on: April 15, 2009, 12:42:48 PM »
*cough cough*

10 out of 10 people understand binary.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world.  Those who understand binary and those who do not.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand trinary, those who dont, and those who mistake it for binary.
Here's an explanation for ya. Lurk moar. Every single point you brought up has been posted, reposted, debated and debunked. There is a search function on this forum, and it is very easy to use.

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Eddy Baby

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #176 on: April 15, 2009, 12:46:04 PM »
There are 1 types of people in the world:
Those who understand MIDI, and those that don't.


Or something, I just made it up.

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markjo

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #177 on: April 15, 2009, 12:50:17 PM »
Actually, more people speak Mandarin than English.  http://www.krysstal.com/spoken.html

I obviously meant of those countries which speak English-based languages, dumbass.

Then you should have said what you meant and meant what you said.  You're enough of a grammar nazi that you should know better.   :P
Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
Quote from: Robosteve
Besides, perhaps FET is a conspiracy too.
Quote from: bullhorn
It is just the way it is, you understanding it doesn't concern me.

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markjo

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #178 on: April 15, 2009, 12:53:03 PM »
*cough cough*

10 out of 10 people understand binary.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world.  Those who understand binary and those who do not.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand trinary, those who dont, and those who mistake it for binary.
There are 3 kinds of people in the world.  Those that can count and those that can't.
There are 2 kinds of people in the world.  Those that finish what they start and those that ...
Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
Quote from: Robosteve
Besides, perhaps FET is a conspiracy too.
Quote from: bullhorn
It is just the way it is, you understanding it doesn't concern me.

*

Colonel Gaydafi

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #179 on: April 15, 2009, 12:54:08 PM »
There are 2 kinds of people in this world.
Normal people.
And then you lot who make rubbish jokes that aren't funny  >:(
Quote from: WardoggKC130FE
If Gayer doesn't remember you, you might as well do yourself a favor and become an hero.
Quote from: Raa
there is a difference between touching a muff and putting your hand into it isn't there?