Jokes

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #120 on: February 27, 2009, 12:07:00 PM »
A mathematician, statistician and accountant were finalist for a position as VP in a large corporation. The hiring committee asked them all the same last question:

The mathematician was first."How much is 500 plus 500 ?" , they asked"1000" he replied without hesitation."Thank you", they dismissed him.

Next the statistician."How much is 500 plus 500?""On the average, 1000 with 95 % confidence" replied the statistician"Thank you", they dismissed him.

Next the accountant."How much is 500 plus 500?""What would you like it to be?" responded the accountant.They hired the accountant.
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #121 on: March 04, 2009, 04:19:29 PM »
I have CDO.
It is Like OCD except it is in alphabetical order like it should be.
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

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Chris Spaghetti

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #122 on: March 04, 2009, 04:34:16 PM »
What is the difference between American beer and having sexual intercourse in a canoe ?

They're both fucking close to water

An Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman are on the run from a police officer and they decide to hide in a slaughterhouse, inside three crates used for storing livestock

The cop sees the three crates and is suspicious, he kicks the first one and the Englishman calls out "Moooo!" then the cop kicks the second box and the Welshman calls out "Baaa!" then the cop gets to the third box, kicks it and the Irishman shouts "Potatoes!".

Re: Jokes
« Reply #123 on: March 04, 2009, 04:54:52 PM »
A young, intelligent medical student specializing in sexual disorders decides to take a tour of a local clinic. Eager to impress a future doctor, the chief resident shows him around the facility.  While discussing current cases and the facility, they stumble across a patient masturbating in his room. What condition does he have? the student asks. He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder, the resident replies. If he doesn't ejaculate 20-30 times a day, he'll become confused and disoriented.  As the pair continue their tour, the student walks past another room and sees a patient with his pants around ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse. What about him? the student asks. What's his story?  Oh, it's the same condition, the doctor replies. He just has a better health plan.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2009, 05:20:10 PM by Soul Eater »

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one" - Albert Einstein

Re: Jokes
« Reply #124 on: March 04, 2009, 05:05:31 PM »
The Man Rules

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying , but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

« Last Edit: March 04, 2009, 05:08:30 PM by optimisticcynic »
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

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Ravenwood240

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #125 on: March 04, 2009, 05:10:12 PM »
GIRLS RULES

TOP 30 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT US!!!


1.  Don't ever lie to us, we always find out.

2.  We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.

3.  Don't say you understand when you don't.

4.  Girls are petty, get over it.

5.  You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like.

6.  Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.

7.  If you talk about having a big dick, we know you don't.

8.  Zit's happen to everyone.  Yes, Mr.  Perfect, even to you.

9.  We don't like it when you act like Mr Big; we like it when you are Mr Big.

10.A system in your car only impresses your homeboys.

11.  No matter what you say, your ex girlfriend is a pig.

12.  It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.

13.  If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.

14.  Be spontaneous, dinner and a movie won't always cut it.

15.  We are self-conscious by nature, we can't help it.

16.  We are drama queens.

17.  Fashion police do exist.

18.  Don't ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might get it.

19.  We absolutely do not care about monster trucks, or anything else you and your friends talk about, like: how much you know about the video games, porn, computers, Star Wars, etc.

20.  Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.

21.  We don't shave our legs every day, get over it.

22.  Don't make bets about us, we always find out.

23.  Shave - no matter how cool you think it looks, we hate it.

24.  Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emit other strange gases from your body, it's not.

25.  Don't compare our breasts with Brittany Spear's, hers are fake.

26.  It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.

27.  We are beautiful, but make-up helps.  (All girls love makeup, do not call us prissy or tell us we worry to much about the way we look for wearing it.)

28.  We will always think we are fat so humor us and tell us we aren't.

29.  It doesn't make you look cool to make fun of someone else.

30.  If you ever beat us in a sport or game, it's always because you cheated, even if you didn't.
Belief gets in the way of learning.  If you believe something, you've closed your mind to any further thought.  I know some things, little things, not the nine million names of God.

(Paraphased from R.A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love.")

Re: Jokes
« Reply #126 on: March 04, 2009, 05:28:39 PM »
TOP TEN THINGS THAT MEN UNDERSTAND ABOUT WOMEN

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.


"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one" - Albert Einstein

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Ravenwood240

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #127 on: March 04, 2009, 05:29:28 PM »
1.  Practice grunting 5 times a day. While some may find it acceptable to grunt only before the morning coffee, the true male will only answer in monosyllabic form, except for emergencies, i.e.. when some portion of your body is on fire.

2. Never ask for directions.  Ever.  Even if you find yourself crossing the state line when all you wanted was to go buy some ammo.

3. Never ever show emotion.  No exceptions.  Including the emergency listed in Rule 1.

4. Refuse to talk about the relationship.  Get uptight whenever she mentions "love" or "commitment."

5. Leave your boxers on the dining room table.  Several pairs.  Pretend they aren't there for as long as you can.

6. Never talk to a female, no matter how long you've known her, when
you're with your friends.

7. Watch WWF Wrestling and believe it's real.  Attempt to get tickets to the matches.

8. Scratch yourself in front of them.  Watch them squirm.

9. Realize that your phone bill is way too high, and you couldn't possibly call any of your female friends, even if it's local.

10. Never compliment a girl, unless it's behind her back about the size of her, um...

11. Be early for everything (before the girl is even out of the shower) or don't show up at all.

12. Tell your girlfriend she doesn't kiss as well as your ex.

13. Plan for months ahead to finally go to that wrestling match with all your friends, on your anniversary of course, but neglect to tell your significant other until the day before.  When she starts crying, offer to take her along.  When she kicks you out of the house, move in with your friends and watch wrestling. Tell them she just has PMS.

14. Tell your girlfriend every dirty joke you can think of - you know how she loves them!

15. When she gets a cold, to cheer her up, tell her exactly how red her nose is and how bleary her eyes are.  Expect her to be grateful that you're staying with her.

16. Invite your girlfriend to a Pantera concert. When she gets injured in the mosh pit, get your friend to take her to the emergency room.

17. Tell her, in detail, about all the girls that hit on you.

18. When she finally convinces you to take her to Prom, refuse to dance.
Besides, you're just there to stand around and look cool, right?

19. Automatically assume that she doesn't know a thing about cars or electrical equipment.  When she finally gives in and lets you fix something, try your best to completely ruin it.

20. Blame everything on PMS.
Or how to be an arsehole:-)
1. Don't call, ever.

2. Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don't want to answer, a nice grunt will do.

3. Vanity is the most important trait for a man to have. Whenever you pass a reflective surface, check you hair, clothing, etc.

4. If, God forbid,you have to talk to a girl on the phone, use only monosyllabic words and noises. Body noises are permissible.

5. Say things like "Wha...?"

6. Don't wear matching clothes. People will think that you have a girlfriend /wife.

7. Don't have a clue.

8. If you get a clue, pretend you didn't and disregard it.

9. Feelings? What feelings?

10. Life is one big competition. If someone is better than you at anything, pretend it's not true.

11. DO NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are backed into a corner and must make a decision, stall. If you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a loophole for escape.

12. A general rule: If whatever you're doing does not satisfy you completely in 5 minutes, it's really not worth it.

13. Try to have a good memory, but it's OK if you forget trivial things. Example: your girlfriend's birthday and eye color.

14. Ignorance solves problems. If you can't see them, they can't see you.

15. Play with your food only if you are in a public place with people you don't know.

16. If people express extreme disgust at whatever you are doing, DON'T STOP! This is the desired reaction.

17. Remember: Men are born without virginity.

18. If you ever go shopping with a girl, drive around until a parking spot right near the door opens up. If this takes hours, so be it. You will have the coveted "door spot" and others will worship your skills.

19. If you ever forced to show emotion, just pick random emotions like rage and lust and insanity and display them at random, inconvenient times. You won't be asked to do it again.

20. General Rule: Different is BAD.
Belief gets in the way of learning.  If you believe something, you've closed your mind to any further thought.  I know some things, little things, not the nine million names of God.

(Paraphased from R.A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love.")

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Ravenwood240

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #128 on: March 04, 2009, 05:30:32 PM »
Why the internet is like a penis

It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.

In the long distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.

It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before.

It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.

If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.

It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.

It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do that?"

Some folks have it, some don't.

Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.

Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.

Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2009, 05:32:40 PM by Ravenwood240 »
Belief gets in the way of learning.  If you believe something, you've closed your mind to any further thought.  I know some things, little things, not the nine million names of God.

(Paraphased from R.A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love.")

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Ravenwood240

  • 2070
  • I disagree. What was the Question?
Re: Jokes
« Reply #129 on: March 04, 2009, 05:33:41 PM »
Q.What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A:   A cherry float.

Q: What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
A: 1 US leader

Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A: Beat it - we're closed.

Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.

Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q: What's another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-dough.

Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
A: She's withholding evidence.

Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can sleep with a light on.

Q: Why is sex like a bridge game?
A: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

Q: What's the definition of macho?
A: Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.
Belief gets in the way of learning.  If you believe something, you've closed your mind to any further thought.  I know some things, little things, not the nine million names of God.

(Paraphased from R.A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love.")

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Ravenwood240

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  • I disagree. What was the Question?
Re: Jokes
« Reply #130 on: March 04, 2009, 05:35:07 PM »
THIS TOOL, COMMONLY FOUND IN THE RANGE OF <8> INCHES LONG.

THE FUNCTIONING OF WHICH IS ENJOYED BY MEMBERS OF BOTH SEXES.

IS USUALLY FOUND HUNG, DANGLING LOOSELY, READY FOR INSTANT ACTION.

IT BOASTS OF A CLUMP OF LITTLE HAIRY THINGS AT ONE END AND SMALL HOLE AT THE OTHER.

IN USE, IT  IS INSERTED, ALMOST ALWAYS WILLINGLY, SOMETIMES SLOWLY, SOMETIMES QUICKLY, INTO A WARM, FLESHY, MOIST OPENING WHERE IT IS THRUST IN AND DRAWN OUT AGAIN AND AGAIN MANY TIMES IN SUCCESSION, OFTEN QUICKLY AND ACCOMPANIED BY SQUIRMING BODILY MOVEMENTS.

ANYONE FOUND LISTENING IN WILL MOST SURELY RECOGNIZE THE RHYTHMIC, PULSING SOUND, RESULTING FROM THE WELL LUBRICATED MOVEMENTS.

WHEN FINALLY WITHDRAWN, IT LEAVES BEHIND A JUICY, FROTHY, STICKY WHITE SUBSTANCE, SOME OF WHICH WILL NEED CLEANING FROM THE OUTER SURFACES OF THE OPENING AND SOME  FROM ITS LONG GLISTENING SHAFT.

AFTER EVERYTHING IS DONE AND THE FLOWING AND CLEANSING LIQUIDS HAVE CEASED EMANATING, IT IS RETURNED TO ITS FREELY
HANGING STATE OF REST, READY FOR YET ANOTHER BIT OF ACTION, HOPEFULLY REACHING ITS BRISTLING CLIMAX TWICE OR THREE TIMES A DAY, BUT OFTEN MUCH LESS.
 

WHAT AM I???????
 
 

AS YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY GUESSED, THE ANSWER TO THE RIDDLE IS NONE OTHER THAN YOUR VERY OWN..........




































TOOTHBRUSH......... :-)))))

what were you thinking you pervert!?!?!?
Belief gets in the way of learning.  If you believe something, you've closed your mind to any further thought.  I know some things, little things, not the nine million names of God.

(Paraphased from R.A. Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love.")

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theonlydann

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #131 on: March 04, 2009, 05:53:53 PM »
I put mine in a cupboard.

This joke failed.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #132 on: March 04, 2009, 06:05:59 PM »
If Men Ruled the World

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme."

Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Garbage would take itself out.

Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

Two words: Ally McNaked.

Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."

The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.

People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.

Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one" - Albert Einstein

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Mykael

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #133 on: March 04, 2009, 06:21:08 PM »
Men do rule the world.

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theonlydann

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #134 on: March 04, 2009, 06:22:41 PM »

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WardoggKC130FE

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #135 on: March 04, 2009, 11:34:05 PM »
A man rushes his very pregnant wife into the emergency room and says "My wife is in labor!"  A doctor comes in and says "Not to worry sir, wait up in the sitting room and we will take care of everything".  So the man goes up to the 5th floor maternity ward and sits in the waiting room.  After a couple of hours the doctor comes in and says "Sir, It's a boy.  But the most amazing thing has happened.  As soon as he was born he began to fly about the room."  The man is in utter shock.  The doctor holding his newborn baby says "Here, watch" and throws the baby up into the air.  The baby falls immediately to the floor.  The man gasps "Hey, you fuck, what the hell are you doing?!?"  The doctor picks the baby up and says "I'm not sure what happened there" and chucks the baby up into the air again.  Again the baby falls straight to the ground with a thud.  The man totally out of his mind, screams "Hey dickwad, what the fuck are you doing?!?"  The doctor picks the baby up once more and says "I just don't understand it."  At this point the doctor walks over to the window, opens it and throws the baby out.  The man rushes over and stands beside the doctor watching the baby fall 5 stories down to the ground.  Just as the man is turning to the doctor to choke the ever loving shit out of him, the doctor grabs him by the shoulders smiling and says "Don't worry sir, he was stillborn."


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markjo

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #136 on: March 05, 2009, 07:43:47 PM »
The definition of a henpecked husband is a man who can bring himself to tell his pregnant wife that he's sterile.
Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
Quote from: Robosteve
Besides, perhaps FET is a conspiracy too.
Quote from: bullhorn
It is just the way it is, you understanding it doesn't concern me.

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Mykael

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #137 on: March 05, 2009, 08:04:46 PM »
A man rushes his very pregnant wife into the emergency room and says "My wife is in labor!"  A doctor comes in and says "Not to worry sir, wait up in the sitting room and we will take care of everything".  So the man goes up to the 5th floor maternity ward and sits in the waiting room.  After a couple of hours the doctor comes in and says "Sir, It's a boy.  But the most amazing thing has happened.  As soon as he was born he began to fly about the room."  The man is in utter shock.  The doctor holding his newborn baby says "Here, watch" and throws the baby up into the air.  The baby falls immediately to the floor.  The man gasps "Hey, you fuck, what the hell are you doing?!?"  The doctor picks the baby up and says "I'm not sure what happened there" and chucks the baby up into the air again.  Again the baby falls straight to the ground with a thud.  The man totally out of his mind, screams "Hey dickwad, what the fuck are you doing?!?"  The doctor picks the baby up once more and says "I just don't understand it."  At this point the doctor walks over to the window, opens it and throws the baby out.  The man rushes over and stands beside the doctor watching the baby fall 5 stories down to the ground.  Just as the man is turning to the doctor to choke the ever loving shit out of him, the doctor grabs him by the shoulders smiling and says "Don't worry sir, he was stillborn."
I would have probably killed the doctor. If not dead, he'd be in his own ICU for months.

No jury would convict me tbh.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #138 on: March 05, 2009, 08:07:56 PM »
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

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Wat?

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #139 on: March 06, 2009, 08:22:43 PM »
Um ok...

Two atoms are in a bar, the first one says "I think I've lost an electron" and the other asked "Are you sure?"

To which the other replies "I'm positive"

 ;D

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bjghk

Re: Jokes
« Reply #140 on: March 06, 2009, 08:37:22 PM »
here's a joke................. ROUND EARTH!\
OLOLOLOLOOLOL



sigh

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Guessed

  • 5379
Re: Jokes
« Reply #141 on: March 06, 2009, 08:53:06 PM »
here's a joke................. ROUND EARTH!\
OLOLOLOLOOLOL



sigh

That wasn't that funny at all.
Is Dino open source?

Quote from: grogberries


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Parsifal

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #142 on: March 06, 2009, 11:55:11 PM »
A man rushes his very pregnant wife into the emergency room and says "My wife is in labor!"

1. There are no degrees of pregnancy. One is either pregnant or not pregnant.
2. It is spelled "labour".

That is all.
I'm going to side with the white supremacists.

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Mykael

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #143 on: March 07, 2009, 12:03:02 AM »
A man rushes his very pregnant wife into the emergency room and says "My wife is in labor!"

1. There are no degrees of pregnancy. One is either pregnant or not pregnant.
2. It is spelled "labour".

That is all.
This Robosteve post has been brought to you by the Soceity For The Proper Usage of "U".

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WardoggKC130FE

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #144 on: March 07, 2009, 12:40:20 AM »
A man rushes his very pregnant wife into the emergency room and says "My wife is in labor!"

1. There are no degrees of pregnancy. One is either pregnant or not pregnant.
2. It is spelled "labour".

That is all.

la⋅bor [ley-ber]
noun
1.    productive activity, esp. for the sake of economic gain.
2.    the body of persons engaged in such activity, esp. those working for wages.
3.    this body of persons considered as a class (distinguished from management and capital ).
4.    physical or mental work, esp. of a hard or fatiguing kind; toil.
5.    a job or task done or to be done.
6.    the physical effort and periodic uterine contractions of childbirth.
7.    the interval from the onset of these contractions to childbirth.


learn2english fucktard.

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Parsifal

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #145 on: March 07, 2009, 01:01:04 AM »
la⋅bor [ley-ber]
noun
1.    productive activity, esp. for the sake of economic gain.
2.    the body of persons engaged in such activity, esp. those working for wages.
3.    this body of persons considered as a class (distinguished from management and capital ).
4.    physical or mental work, esp. of a hard or fatiguing kind; toil.
5.    a job or task done or to be done.
6.    the physical effort and periodic uterine contractions of childbirth.
7.    the interval from the onset of these contractions to childbirth.


learn2english fucktard.

Please don't call that butchered crap you speak "English". Call it "American" if you will, but it's not English.
I'm going to side with the white supremacists.

?

Mykael

  • 4249
  • Professor of the Horrible Sciences
Re: Jokes
« Reply #146 on: March 07, 2009, 01:29:58 AM »
Quote
la⋅bor [ley-ber]
noun
1.    productive activity, esp. for the sake of economic gain.
2.    the body of persons engaged in such activity, esp. those working for wages.
3.    this body of persons considered as a class (distinguished from management and capital ).
4.    physical or mental work, esp. of a hard or fatiguing kind; toil.
5.    a job or task done or to be done.
6.    the physical effort and periodic uterine contractions of childbirth.
7.    the interval from the onset of these contractions to childbirth.

Quote
Labour:

Noun
1. productive work, esp. physical work done for wages
2. the people involved in this, as opposed to management
3. the final stage of pregnancy, leading to childbirth
4. difficult work or a difficult job

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/labour
L2English, fucktard.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #147 on: March 07, 2009, 04:36:05 AM »
la⋅bor [ley-ber]
noun
1.    productive activity, esp. for the sake of economic gain.
2.    the body of persons engaged in such activity, esp. those working for wages.
3.    this body of persons considered as a class (distinguished from management and capital ).
4.    physical or mental work, esp. of a hard or fatiguing kind; toil.
5.    a job or task done or to be done.
6.    the physical effort and periodic uterine contractions of childbirth.
7.    the interval from the onset of these contractions to childbirth.


learn2english fucktard.

Please don't call that butchered crap you speak "English". Call it "American" if you will, but it's not English.

Your mom's English.






Anyways: Q:What's black, blue, red, and doesn't like sex?
A: The 5-year-old in my closet.




I know, I'm a horrible person, but I don't care.

*

Parsifal

  • Official Member
  • 36118
  • Bendy Light specialist
Re: Jokes
« Reply #148 on: March 07, 2009, 04:41:24 AM »
The Federal Bureau of Investigation has logged a record of this chat along with the IP addresses of the participants due to suspected violations of United States federal law.  IMPORTANT: If you believe this chat to be logged in error, please state your reasons to the F.B.I. monitoring agent observing this chat and quote reference number 3744956127. Failure to do so within the next 2 minutes will result in your IP address being entered in our criminal database and prosecution. Your IP address has been recorded by the FBI and Drug Enforcement Agency. Please wait while ref code 3744956127 is entered into the database.
I'm going to side with the white supremacists.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #149 on: April 10, 2009, 01:32:33 PM »
Math pick up line.(why math majors don't get dates.)
I wish I was your derivative so I could lay tangent to all your curves.

You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.