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Messages - Sara H B Ranson

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 8
1
Flat Earth Q&A / Homosexuals are not a joke
« on: November 08, 2007, 03:50:29 AM »


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/11/08/ngay108.xml

New British legislation will rightly turn making jokes out of homosexuality a crime.

It is time for Christians to come out and take our obligations to gays seriously,

"If a man also lieth with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them" (Leviticus 20:13).



Not sure about homosexual brethren being being noble though,

"And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul" (1 Samuel 18:1).

"How are the mighty fallen in the midst of the battle! O Jonathan, thou wast slain in thine high places. I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan; very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women" (2 Samuel 1:25-26).

I expect Samuel was using Microsoft Word.

2
Flat Earth Q&A / Re: British Police guilty? Shome mishtake shurely
« on: November 02, 2007, 09:34:26 PM »
what are you, The FES Telegraph spokesperson?

Sorry :(  The article's no good really.

3
Flat Earth Q&A / British Police guilty? Shome mishtake shurely
« on: November 01, 2007, 08:45:56 PM »


http://tinyurl.com/35orht

The British National Police, the best police that money can buy (did you get that Max?), were "found guilty of breaking health and safety laws over the shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes."





Fortunately, Cressida Dick



was not found guilty, neither was she was on trial, for any of her killings.

Sir Ian Blair, the Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police [former Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police if you're reading this after Monday], faced calls to resign today after his force was found guilty of breaking health and safety laws over the shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes.

A jury at the Old Bailey decided police had unnecessarily put the public at risk following a string of errors in a "catastrophic" operation, which ended in the Brazilian's death on July 22, 2005.

In an unusual rider to the verdict, the jury cleared the officer in charge of the operation which led to the shooting, Cressida Dick, of personal responsibility.

But there were intense pressure on Sir Ian, the Scotland Yard chief who was in court to heard the verdict, to take the overall blame for the tragedy.

The Tory party and the Liberal Democrats immediately called for his resignation, claiming his position was now "untenable".

Sir Ian responded defiantly outside the Old Bailey this afternoon, saying that he intended "to continue to lead the Met" and that he was going to return to Scotland Yard to "get on with my job". He was also given the backing of Jacqui Smith, the home secretary.


The Met was fined £175,000 and ordered to pay £385,000 costs, which will be met by the taxpayer.

Mr Justice Henriques told the court: "This was very much an isolated breach brought about by quite extraordinary circumstances. One person died and many others were placed in potential danger."

The unprecedented, highly controversial trial came after the prosecutors said that no criminal charges should be brought against any individual officer for the death of Mr de Menezes.

In an unusual move, they were prosecuted instead on health and safety laws which claimed the public - including innocent Brazilian Mr de Menezes - had been put at risk.

The judge said that amongst the chain of events that led to the tragedy, there was a "serious failure in accurate communication" between surveillance teams on the ground, armed officers and commanders.

But he added that it was a "unique and difficult" police operation, hunting four suspected suicide bombers on the run who had tried to bomb the London transport system the day before.

Clare Montgomery QC, prosecuting, told the jury that Scotland Yard commanders had made a string of disastrous errors on 22 July that culminated in an unwarranted risk to the public.

She set out 19 alleged failings, beginning with the surveillance operation at the flats at Scotia Road, Tulse Hill, south London, linked to July 21 bomber Hussain Osman, who Mr de Menezes was mistaken for.

In response to the verdict Nick Clegg, the Lib Dem leadership hopeful and home affairs spokesman, said: "Policing needs to be seen to be accountable. The person at the top has to take responsibilty for the body as a whole.

"On the back of such an overwhelming verdict, Sir Ian's position is untenable."

Shadow Home Secretary, David Davis, said: "The trial has shed light on the serial failures that led to the tragic death of Mr De Menezes. They include failures of organisation, command and operations.

"The failures were systemic, falling within the clear responsibility of the Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police. His position is now untenable, in light of these findings and the overriding need to restore public confidence."

http://tinyurl.com/35orht


4
Flat Earth Q&A / Re: Soft British judge sets sex offender free
« on: October 31, 2007, 09:00:16 PM »
I'm sure he can get out of that one by claiming he was just pumping up the tires.   :P

He needs a spokesman, but no one wants to get saddled with the responsibility.

5
Flat Earth Q&A / Re: Soft British judge sets sex offender free
« on: October 29, 2007, 04:52:39 PM »
He gave two underage tires blow jobs.  Be careful when you remove your gear, even on a mounting bike.  :)

6
Flat Earth Q&A / Re: Soft British judge sets sex offender free
« on: October 28, 2007, 07:26:56 PM »
However, someone having sex with a bycicle is just a little bit more imaginative than a woman using a dildo. It's an inanimate object, he was in his own private room, he should not be placed on any sex offenders list. Who the fuck did he offend? The cleaners that broke down his door to watch him masturbate? They should be on the fucking lilst.

But what if he had been abusing an innocent young tricycle?



He should have been sent down for ten years.

7
Flat Earth Q&A / Re: Soft British judge sets sex offender free
« on: October 28, 2007, 06:44:19 PM »
I didn't know it was illegal to have sex with a bicycle  :)

Illegal?  A big sick bird? :)

You are obviously more experienced in these matters:  how is it done?

8
Flat Earth Q&A / Re: Soft British judge sets sex offender free
« on: October 28, 2007, 06:40:08 PM »
If he wants to fuck bycicles, let him.

Society needs to be protected from dirty pedalfiles.

9
Flat Earth Q&A / Soft British judge sets sex offender free
« on: October 28, 2007, 02:13:09 PM »


http://tinyurl.com/26xy7p

A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.

Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.

On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.

She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply."

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police.

Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offenders’ register but his sentence was deferred until next month.

He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however.

Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.


10
Philosophy, Religion & Society / Excommunication
« on: September 02, 2007, 03:19:55 AM »
I've been excommunicated for sitting on a washing machine.

How much in damages should the European Court of Human Rights Award me?

11
Everything you need to know about the sacred science of Christology, http://www.church.broomleigh.org/children/jesus/default.htm

Please remember never patronise a woman.  Tell her "you look fit for purpose."

I'm very unhappy (despite the recycled jokes).  I wish someone would be kind to me.

12
1) If your 15 year old son had sex with a teacher, how would you react?

Increase her tithing demand to 15%.

2) Would your reaction be different if the teacher was not so attractive?

20%.

13
The Lounge / Cosmopolitan
« on: February 14, 2007, 02:04:58 PM »

14
The Lounge / Ban Plastic Surgery
« on: February 12, 2007, 04:22:42 PM »
When the seaguls follow the trawler,
it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.

15
The Lounge / Ban Plastic Surgery
« on: February 11, 2007, 10:20:13 AM »
An ugly man will quite reasonably have Plastic Surgery to make himself less unattractive to women, and a woman could quite properly find him attractive, think "I wouldn't mind a bit of that," and even marry him.

Not realising that she too had benefited from the odd "nip & tuck," he could give her a child, who would be so ugly, that he'd need Plastic Surgery just to get his appearance up to the standard of The Digital Nomad's former Avatar (it looked like dog vomit).

16
The Lounge / Skeptical Christian
« on: February 11, 2007, 07:15:41 AM »
Quote from: "master beast"
Where is your evidence that God existed before the Universe?

 :roll:
Quote from: "David in Psalm 90 v. 2"
Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever thou hadst formed the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, thou art God.


An example of God's love

17
The Lounge / Skeptical Christian
« on: February 10, 2007, 03:58:37 AM »
If he cannot explain how life began, he must be right;

if he cannot explain why governments tell lies about the Earth being flat, he must be wrong.

Hence, "why would x do y" is not a valid argument.

18
The Lounge / The_Earth_Does_Not_Exist
« on: February 06, 2007, 05:00:11 AM »
Dear Sara

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.  I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of Space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now Monitors all other system activities, such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Going To The Pub 7.5, and Softball 3.6.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my other favourite applications. I'm thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks, Earth-does-not-exist

_____________________

REPLY

Dear Earth-does-not-exist

This is a very common problem that men often complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an operating system, designed to run everything.

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 It is impossible to uninstall, or purge, the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings: Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application Yes Dear 2.7 to alleviate your program problems.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! Because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance!  Wife 1.0 does come with several support programs,
Such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0

Do not under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

20
The Lounge / End of the World
« on: February 03, 2007, 08:48:34 AM »
The end of the world is the other side of the ice wall.

Please try to keep up at the back.

21
The Lounge / dummy
« on: February 01, 2007, 11:18:31 PM »

22
The Lounge / Re: Geraint Davies
« on: February 01, 2007, 11:14:29 PM »

23
The Lounge / Post an image of yourself!
« on: February 01, 2007, 09:43:59 PM »

24
The Lounge / The day the Katal
« on: January 31, 2007, 08:43:01 PM »

25
The Lounge / Windows Vista
« on: January 31, 2007, 07:00:10 PM »
Quote from: "skeptical scientist"
I'm tempted to buy a mac.

With matching suspenders, bra and knickers?

26
The Lounge / Windows Vista
« on: January 30, 2007, 08:38:33 PM »

27
The Lounge / Rick James is a gentleman
« on: January 29, 2007, 03:18:38 AM »
Quote from: "BOGWarrior89"
Does this mean I win?


Yes.

The winner gets congratulations and a golden hand shake.

The losers get the rest of Cliff Richard's records, and a golden shower.

28
The Lounge / Rick James is a gentleman
« on: January 26, 2007, 10:16:00 PM »


They say gentlemen prefer blondes.

29
The Lounge / L T F S - Learn to spell
« on: January 26, 2007, 07:30:18 PM »
Just because the "k" at the start of know is silent, you don't leave it out altogether and write "nowledge," do you?

Same for the "c" at the start of Rap music.

30
The Lounge / Is The Digital Nomad looking like a dirty old man?
« on: January 24, 2007, 06:25:50 PM »
Quote from: "thedigitalnomad"
Around?  I dress in drag and hang out in them!

U R Michael Palin, and I claim my 50 USD.

Quote from: "Mr M Python"
He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women’s clothing
And hangs around… In bars.

http://www.jumpstation.ca/recroom/comedy/python/lumberjack.html


Quote from: "thedigitalnomad"
Actually, I prefer Pearl Vision at the mall.

So it's Chapter 11 for Pearl Vision then?

Who'll be the first to send me a cheque, or check, payable to "Mrs Sara H B Ranson," and marked "account payee only?"

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