A Friendly Chat

I've been railing against classic fairy tales for a long time now.  It's not so much that they're violent and horrific.  It's that they often don't make any god damn sense and seem to go nowhere.  It's like watching American Psycho.

All fairy tales teach is that a woman needs a man to rescue and complete her, and all other women are bitches.

I've been railing against classic fairy tales for a long time now.  It's not so much that they're violent and horrific.  It's that they often don't make any god damn sense and seem to go nowhere.  It's like watching American Psycho.

Yes, wasn't it you who posted about the ugly duckling and its part in the rise of plastic surgery cults.

I don't recall but it sounds like something I'd say.

I do believe that that particular fairy tale teaches a twisted lesson.

It is a singularly shameful experience being woken from a dream where you are being chased naked through the woods by an angry pig by your wife who says, “You’re making pig noises in your sleep for god’s sake!”

Happy new year.

What a marvellous dream.

My brother is clearing some land and has just knocked down a squirrel nest with two tiny baby squirrels. For some reason I am now expected to raise these baby squirrels. WTF?

(I considered putting this in the cooking thread)

Oh dear lord baby Jesus, they are barely bigger than the end of my finger. Thankfully one of our friends has rehabbed baby squirrels several times and has agreed to raise these two tiny nuggets.

I can't tell you how much I want to hear about the plans for how they wind up in the cooking thread.

What a marvellous dream.

Mmm.. It didn't feel marvellous to be honest.
The child me has a problem with pigs. For context my uncle had a small holding, a wonderful spread of derelict buildings and scrub with a pigeon loft, a ferret house and three pig sty's that backed on to a paddock with a huge willow in the centre where the pigs went for exercise, wallowing and generally grubbing around.

Most of the pigs he ever had were fine but he had a sow, a cross Tamworth/demon that weighed about 35 stone (490lb/222Kg), we were told we could scratch her sides, she liked that, but don't put your hands near her mouth and don't go in the paddock when she was there especially when she had piglets.

The willow was the grandest of trees to climb and I went up there one summers day on my bike, there was no one around, I looked in the paddock and couldn't see anything, looked in her sty and the piglets were there, she wasn't out but I figured she was inside in the shade so I skipped the fence and headed for the tree.

It turned out that my uncle had been up earlier and found she had eaten one of her piglets so he had kicked her into the paddock and gone to get his land-rover rather than his car to move them home to finish rearing them in safety.

She was in the shade but that was behind the sty and she was pissed. Pigs can move, luckily she made a lot of noise to announce she was pissed, and as she would have cut me off at the fence I went straight for the tree, no one has ever climbed that tree as fast. Unfortunately my uncle had decided to have lunch and it was an hour and a half before he came back, he wasn't pleased, mostly because he reckoned she would have killed me if I'd fallen but with his pig board he shoved her up the field and told me to jump down and run for it.

For years I thought he was just exaggerating the way people do, but pigs do sometimes kill and eat people.
https://slate.com/technology/2012/10/when-pigs-attack-do-livestock-intentionally-kill-people.html

Oh dear lord baby Jesus, they are barely bigger than the end of my finger. Thankfully one of our friends has rehabbed baby squirrels several times and has agreed to raise these two tiny nuggets.

You can't post this without posting pictures

I will ask my brother to send me the pictures. Hopefully he still has them on his phone!

Quote from: Colonel Gaydafi on January 05, 2022, 12:57:11 PM

What a marvellous dream.

Mmm.. It didn't feel marvellous to be honest.
The child me has a problem with pigs. For context my uncle had a small holding, a wonderful spread of derelict buildings and scrub with a pigeon loft, a ferret house and three pig sty's that backed on to a paddock with a huge willow in the centre where the pigs went for exercise, wallowing and generally grubbing around.

Most of the pigs he ever had were fine but he had a sow, a cross Tamworth/demon that weighed about 35 stone (490lb/222Kg), we were told we could scratch her sides, she liked that, but don't put your hands near her mouth and don't go in the paddock when she was there especially when she had piglets.

The willow was the grandest of trees to climb and I went up there one summers day on my bike, there was no one around, I looked in the paddock and couldn't see anything, looked in her sty and the piglets were there, she wasn't out but I figured she was inside in the shade so I skipped the fence and headed for the tree.

It turned out that my uncle had been up earlier and found she had eaten one of her piglets so he had kicked her into the paddock and gone to get his land-rover rather than his car to move them home to finish rearing them in safety.

She was in the shade but that was behind the sty and she was pissed. Pigs can move, luckily she made a lot of noise to announce she was pissed, and as she would have cut me off at the fence I went straight for the tree, no one has ever climbed that tree as fast. Unfortunately my uncle had decided to have lunch and it was an hour and a half before he came back, he wasn't pleased, mostly because he reckoned she would have killed me if I'd fallen but with his pig board he shoved her up the field and told me to jump down and run for it.

For years I thought he was just exaggerating the way people do, but pigs do sometimes kill and eat people.
https://slate.com/technology/2012/10/when-pigs-attack-do-livestock-intentionally-kill-people.html

That is some Silence of the Lambs shit right there.

Quote from: Colonel Gaydafi on January 05, 2022, 12:57:11 PM

What a marvellous dream.

Mmm.. It didn't feel marvellous to be honest.
The child me has a problem with pigs. For context my uncle had a small holding, a wonderful spread of derelict buildings and scrub with a pigeon loft, a ferret house and three pig sty's that backed on to a paddock with a huge willow in the centre where the pigs went for exercise, wallowing and generally grubbing around.

Most of the pigs he ever had were fine but he had a sow, a cross Tamworth/demon that weighed about 35 stone (490lb/222Kg), we were told we could scratch her sides, she liked that, but don't put your hands near her mouth and don't go in the paddock when she was there especially when she had piglets.

The willow was the grandest of trees to climb and I went up there one summers day on my bike, there was no one around, I looked in the paddock and couldn't see anything, looked in her sty and the piglets were there, she wasn't out but I figured she was inside in the shade so I skipped the fence and headed for the tree.

It turned out that my uncle had been up earlier and found she had eaten one of her piglets so he had kicked her into the paddock and gone to get his land-rover rather than his car to move them home to finish rearing them in safety.

She was in the shade but that was behind the sty and she was pissed. Pigs can move, luckily she made a lot of noise to announce she was pissed, and as she would have cut me off at the fence I went straight for the tree, no one has ever climbed that tree as fast. Unfortunately my uncle had decided to have lunch and it was an hour and a half before he came back, he wasn't pleased, mostly because he reckoned she would have killed me if I'd fallen but with his pig board he shoved her up the field and told me to jump down and run for it.

For years I thought he was just exaggerating the way people do, but pigs do sometimes kill and eat people.
https://slate.com/technology/2012/10/when-pigs-attack-do-livestock-intentionally-kill-people.html

Bloody hell!

The Girl Scouts are trying to turn my daughter into a drug dealer!

I had to endure an hour long presentation on the ins and outs of selling girl scout cookies today.

For fuck's sake, I'm just going to buy 100 boxes and that'll be breakfast lunch and dinner for everyone for a month.  There's no need to coach my 5 year old on going door to door.

What fun.

Scouts sell advent calendars and socks here. The Glorious Leader came home yesterday with the sock brochure. I don't think we'll be selling any socks. I bought some for myself last time but they got holes in them quite quickly so not doing that again.

The Glorious Leader's little brother (not sure what his title is, Glorious Sidekick perhaps) started nursery today and I have freedom in the day again. Considering going to vocational school in the autumn to study aeroplane mechanics perhaps. Not sure.

Glorious Leader will need someone to keep her Imperial Plane in the air!

And get Glorious sidekick to do space mechanics, the Earth will not be big enough.

That's a wise choice, space mechanics for him in the future!

Winter has finally arrived in Floridaland. I don't like it!

I wonder if iguanas are falling out of trees yet.

We have had no proof, at all, all day that the sun actually exists, and according to the MET office, that is set to continue until at least next week.

https://nypost.com/2022/01/28/iguanas-could-rain-down-from-trees-in-florida-as-temperatures-plunge/

IT'S HAPPENING.

Umbrellas, with a spike.

And then just hold the iguana over a fire. Very convenient for BBQ.

How do you people who live where it's cold for more than a week stand the DRYNESS of it? One freeze and my knuckles crack.

We saw the sun today, the conclusion we drew was someone in the village had sacrificed a child, fair play.

How do you people who live where it's cold for more than a week stand the DRYNESS of it? One freeze and my knuckles crack.

I love the cold, as that generally means the skies clear. Walking the dogs at -7C all wrapped up is awesome, anything over 21C (70F) and I melt, and who wants small dinosaurs living in the trees? Those fuckers are just basking and plotting vengeance for the indignities perpetrated on them in black and white prehistoric films, by funding climate change deniers with the royalties, which by the way is working as it hasn’t reached -7 this year, in fact between Christmas and new year I walked the dogs in a long-sleeved T-shirt, 52.5 degrees North! FFS the lizards are coming.

Just look at him! You know you want it to rain lizards!

I saw a video someone took of their dog. The dog had found an iguana popsicle and wanted to bring it home. The dog's family didn't seem to like that idea.

Edit to add: It wasn't mentioned in the video, but I reason to believe this was absolutely a Florida iguana popsicle.