Jokes

A spooky thing happened when my aunt died. She passed away at precisely 10.47am and the old grandfather clock stopped at precisely the same time.












It fell on her.

I like that one Chris.

A blonde girl in a car crash says 'i think i have concussion'. The paramedic asks 'how many fingers have i got up?' She replies 'oh god my fanny's paralysed aswell'

Not the best but i still love it.

Whats the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don't know, and I don't care.

What's the difference between a souffle and a baby?



I've never had sex with a souffle before I ate it.

CR90

I got hit by a rental car today. Fucking hertz.

At an England training session, Rooney gets the ball and dribbles around Ashley Cole, Wright-Phillips, Heskey, Ferdinand and Richards. Capello shakes his head and says 'the cones Waynes, I said go around the cones!',

I still don't get this one.

Quote from: Jack1704 on March 11, 2010, 10:17:03 AM

At an England training session, Rooney gets the ball and dribbles around Ashley Cole, Wright-Phillips, Heskey, Ferdinand and Richards. Capello shakes his head and says 'the cones Waynes, I said go around the cones!',

I still don't get this one.

Me either.

either women or not from the uk.

either women or not from the uk.

You know I don't follow soccer.

Quote from: Jack1704 on March 12, 2010, 11:51:26 AM

either women or not from the uk.

You know I don't follow soccer.

FOOT                      BALL

Footy?

Fussball. I respect you guys from the UK, but I still think your best players were Shearer and Gascoigne. /end derailment

Footy?

Ha Ha, i will accept this also.

Fussball. I respect you guys from the UK, but I still think your best players were Shearer and Gascoigne. /end derailment

Friedrich come to http://www.theflatearthsociety.org/forum/index.php?topic=35825.220

Quote from: Jack1704 on March 11, 2010, 10:17:03 AM

At an England training session, Rooney gets the ball and dribbles around Ashley Cole, Wright-Phillips, Heskey, Ferdinand and Richards. Capello shakes his head and says 'the cones Waynes, I said go around the cones!',

I still don't get this one.

Judging by the names they were all black. Now mispronounce "cones" a few times and TA DA. insta racism.

Quote from: Wendy on March 12, 2010, 10:14:38 AM

Quote from: Jack1704 on March 11, 2010, 10:17:03 AM

At an England training session, Rooney gets the ball and dribbles around Ashley Cole, Wright-Phillips, Heskey, Ferdinand and Richards. Capello shakes his head and says 'the cones Waynes, I said go around the cones!',

I still don't get this one.

Judging by the names they were all black. Now mispronounce "cones" a few times and TA DA. insta racism.

Its bad when jokes have to be explained

Quote from: Raist on March 12, 2010, 02:01:21 PM

Quote from: Wendy on March 12, 2010, 10:14:38 AM

Quote from: Jack1704 on March 11, 2010, 10:17:03 AM

At an England training session, Rooney gets the ball and dribbles around Ashley Cole, Wright-Phillips, Heskey, Ferdinand and Richards. Capello shakes his head and says 'the cones Waynes, I said go around the cones!',

I still don't get this one.

Judging by the names they were all black. Now mispronounce "cones" a few times and TA DA. insta racism.

Its bad when jokes have to be explained

It's very bad. That's why I just get condescending.

I'm going to bring back that pun.
  So, my Freind's Sister's Uncle's Child's Father's Wife's Nephew's Sister's Boyfriend's Slave's Obscure Relative has a dog named Penny. He wants to shave Penny, but its Winter(that cold time of the year). So if whats-his-face(^) shaves Penny in the Winter Penny will die in the cold. If Penny dies in the cold than they would have to Cremate Penny.
So it has been brought to statement by a man not being my self that" A penny Shaved is A Penny Urned" (you probally could stop reading here) Which has lead me to the conclusion that because penny does actually exist the this pun was all planed out. Which leave me with my Guess It was Ms. off-plaid-sort-of-a-colour in the slave quarters with the Metal Gnome. 
    
 

Quote from: Wendy on March 12, 2010, 10:14:38 AM

Quote from: Jack1704 on March 11, 2010, 10:17:03 AM

At an England training session, Rooney gets the ball and dribbles around Ashley Cole, Wright-Phillips, Heskey, Ferdinand and Richards. Capello shakes his head and says 'the cones Waynes, I said go around the cones!',

I still don't get this one.

Judging by the names they were all black. Now mispronounce "cones" a few times and TA DA. insta racism.

It must be a word I'm not familiar with. Then again, my knowledge of British racist slurs aren't what it used to be.

I think it's just a shortened form of the word "racoon" in the US.

Coon   Blacks   Probably refers to the Portuguese word for slave pens or barracks "baracoons". Could also have meaning as a shortening of "raccoon", as raccoons have a tendency to steal. Possibly from Dr. Carleton Coon, who, in the mid-1960's, theorized that blacks were less evolved than whites.

from: http://www.rsdb.org/

Less racial History more jokes.
An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program.

The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted fixed.

Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts. Then the preacher said "Ok now for you at home put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me."

So the little old lady put her hand on her heart, because she had a very bad heart. And the little old man put his hands on his crotch.

The little old lady turned to her husband and said "He said he could heal the sick, not raise the dead!"



 
 
Ah the elderly.

I'm going to bring back that pun.
  So, my Freind's Sister's Uncle's Child's Father's Wife's Nephew's Sister's Boyfriend's Slave's Obscure Relative has a dog named Penny. He wants to shave Penny, but its Winter(that cold time of the year). So if whats-his-face(^) shaves Penny in the Winter Penny will die in the cold. If Penny dies in the cold than they would have to Cremate Penny.
So it has been brought to statement by a man not being my self that" A penny Shaved is A Penny Urned" (you probally could stop reading here) Which has lead me to the conclusion that because penny does actually exist the this pun was all planed out. Which leave me with my Guess It was Ms. off-plaid-sort-of-a-colour in the slave quarters with the Metal Gnome. 

 

Forgot to unbeige the punchline.

Gutted last night, my wife screamed "Dickhead, our son isn't really yours"..

Swings and roundabouts....

Now at least its not incest.

What is green and eats nuts?  Syphilis.

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

I love Bill Bailey.

Quote from: Chris Spaghetti on March 13, 2010, 12:44:03 PM

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

I love Bill Bailey.

Part man part part troll

here's a good  joke 



how big is the size of my cock?





atleeast  7.32 inches   

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