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Jokes

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Trekky0623

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #240 on: June 22, 2009, 06:46:37 PM »
The slope of the green triangle's hypotenuse is 5/2, or 2.5, while the slope of the red triangle's hypotenuse is 8/3, or 2.(6).  Therefore, when the red triangle is on the bottom and the green triangle is on top, this forms an angle inward, whereas when the situation is reversed, the angle protrudes outwards, creating an empty space of one unit.
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Mr. Ireland

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #241 on: June 22, 2009, 07:21:20 PM »
5/2?  8/3?  Don't you mean 2/5 and 3/8? 
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Proleg

Re: Jokes
« Reply #242 on: June 22, 2009, 09:20:40 PM »
What's E.T. short for?

'Cuz he's got little legs. :-*
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cmdshft

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #243 on: June 22, 2009, 09:23:49 PM »
Girl: I love you.

Guy:

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BOGWarrior89

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #244 on: June 22, 2009, 09:39:47 PM »
Quote from: Trekky0623 on June 22, 2009, 06:46:37 PM
The slope of the green triangle's hypotenuse is 5/2, or 2.5, while the slope of the red triangle's hypotenuse is 8/3, or 2.(6).  Therefore, when the red triangle is on the bottom and the green triangle is on top, this forms an angle inward, whereas when the situation is reversed, the angle protrudes outwards, creating an empty space of one unit.

How does that account for fifteen not being divisible by two to yield a whole number?
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Trekky0623

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #245 on: June 22, 2009, 09:44:46 PM »
Quote from: Mr. Ireland on June 22, 2009, 07:21:20 PM
5/2?  8/3?  Don't you mean 2/5 and 3/8? 

Whoa, that is bad.  My mistake.

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Parsifal

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #246 on: July 10, 2009, 03:42:46 AM »
Q: What do you call a priest on a golf course?

A: Richard!
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Quote from: Ævan on August 11, 2013, 01:18:20 PM
I'm going to side with the white supremacists.
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Crudblud

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #247 on: July 10, 2009, 03:52:20 AM »
Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus are incapable of feeling fear.

Whats worse than finding a fly in your soup?
The holocaust.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"

Three blind mice walk into a bar. They are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from their predicament would be exploitative.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2009, 04:16:07 AM by Crudblud »
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markjo

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #248 on: July 10, 2009, 08:23:48 AM »
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Pee-Wee Herman?
"Stop playing with my food."
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Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
Quote from: Robosteve
Besides, perhaps FET is a conspiracy too.
Quote from: bullhorn
It is just the way it is, you understanding it doesn't concern me.
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Crudblud

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #249 on: July 10, 2009, 08:36:34 AM »
Q: How many Italian immigrants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One.

Q: Why couldn't the nun get through the revolving door?
A: She had a javelin through her head.

Q: How do you know if a Frenchman has been inside your house?
A: You don't, really, unless you were there to see him or your neighbour saw him and then told you about it later. I wouldn't worry about it really.

A man walks into a bar. His alcohol dependency is ripping his family apart.

So this guy meets this girl in a bar. They have a few drinks and he rapes her.

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Sexual Harassment Panda

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #250 on: July 10, 2009, 08:52:15 AM »
I don't get it Crudblud. Your jokes completely suck, yet I laugh for some reason.
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New Flat Earth FAQ: http://theflatearthsociety.org/forum/index.php?topic=30512.0
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markjo

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #251 on: July 10, 2009, 09:32:20 AM »
Most humor is about the element of surprise.  In Crudblud's case, you're expecting a standard funny reply but you're getting the exact opposite of what you expect.  That and his silly avatar.
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Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
Quote from: Robosteve
Besides, perhaps FET is a conspiracy too.
Quote from: bullhorn
It is just the way it is, you understanding it doesn't concern me.
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optimisticcynic

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #252 on: July 10, 2009, 09:36:10 AM »
My friend told me a few of these. He calls them anti jokes.
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You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.
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Raist

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #253 on: July 10, 2009, 10:00:08 AM »
What do you get when you see an elephant having sex with a baby?

I don't know about you but I get a boner.



What's black and blue and hates anal sex?

The five year old boy in my trunk.
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Jack1704

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #254 on: July 10, 2009, 12:48:19 PM »
Yey back on track with jokes................................

What goes 'ring ring arghhhhh'?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron

ps............. no joke should have the word mathematician in the opening gambit
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Stop all this nonesense and bring on the lapdancers.
Quote from: Eddy Baby on January 27, 2010, 12:33:44 AM
I understand Jack1704. It's a Brit thing.
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Raist

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #255 on: July 10, 2009, 01:26:08 PM »
A priest, a rabbi, and a muslim cleric walk into a bar. They then begin a deep theological discussion and better understand each other's point of view.
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markjo

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #256 on: July 10, 2009, 06:30:34 PM »
A man walks into a bar.  He says ouch.
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Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
Quote from: Robosteve
Besides, perhaps FET is a conspiracy too.
Quote from: bullhorn
It is just the way it is, you understanding it doesn't concern me.
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physics101

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #257 on: July 10, 2009, 07:46:19 PM »
This just in: Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
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Jack1704

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #258 on: July 11, 2009, 03:22:42 AM »
An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."

The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"

The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.

Then he quietly explained;

"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to."
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Stop all this nonesense and bring on the lapdancers.
Quote from: Eddy Baby on January 27, 2010, 12:33:44 AM
I understand Jack1704. It's a Brit thing.
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Parsifal

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #259 on: September 06, 2009, 03:07:56 AM »
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Quote from: Ævan on August 11, 2013, 01:18:20 PM
I'm going to side with the white supremacists.
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Chris Spaghetti

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #260 on: September 06, 2009, 04:14:06 AM »
Quote from: Crudblud on July 10, 2009, 03:52:20 AM
Three blind mice walk into a bar. They are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from their predicament would be exploitative.

Bill Bailey!

Three blokes walk into a bar, one of them is a little bit stupid and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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Jack1704

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #261 on: September 06, 2009, 09:27:15 AM »
Joke made up by my 5 year old:

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they would be a baygull (bagel)!!

The best thing is, he doesnt even know a bagel exists.
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Stop all this nonesense and bring on the lapdancers.
Quote from: Eddy Baby on January 27, 2010, 12:33:44 AM
I understand Jack1704. It's a Brit thing.
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Raist

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #262 on: September 06, 2009, 09:46:46 AM »
Quote from: Jack1704 on September 06, 2009, 09:27:15 AM
Joke made up by my 5 year old:

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they would be a baygull (bagel)!!

The best thing is, he doesnt even know a bagel exists.

Your 5 year old doesn't know what a bagel is? Or he hasn't connected the pun yet?
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Sean

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #263 on: September 06, 2009, 09:48:58 AM »
I'm surprised he knows what a bay is, but not a bagel. And that he(she?) could come up with such a joke.
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Quote from: sokarul
Better bring a better augment, something not so stupid.
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Jack1704

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #264 on: September 06, 2009, 09:56:26 AM »
Bagels arent part of his diet.
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Stop all this nonesense and bring on the lapdancers.
Quote from: Eddy Baby on January 27, 2010, 12:33:44 AM
I understand Jack1704. It's a Brit thing.
?

Sean

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #265 on: September 06, 2009, 09:57:22 AM »
Quote from: Jack1704 on September 06, 2009, 09:56:26 AM
Bagels arent part of his diet.
Oh I see, he seems like a smart kid :)
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Quote from: sokarul
Better bring a better augment, something not so stupid.
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Jack1704

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #266 on: September 06, 2009, 10:02:36 AM »
Quote from: Round_Earth(No, flat) on September 06, 2009, 09:57:22 AM
Quote from: Jack1704 on September 06, 2009, 09:56:26 AM
Bagels arent part of his diet.
Oh I see, he seems like a smart kid :)
Oh he is, he takes after his dad..........................and when we find him we will tell him!
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Stop all this nonesense and bring on the lapdancers.
Quote from: Eddy Baby on January 27, 2010, 12:33:44 AM
I understand Jack1704. It's a Brit thing.
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WardoggKC130FE

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #267 on: September 06, 2009, 11:37:35 AM »
Quote from: Jack1704 on July 11, 2009, 03:22:42 AM
An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."

The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"

The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.

Then he quietly explained;

"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to."


Hey, uhhhh not to undermine what the Brits did on D-Day or anything.....but it was the Canadians on Juno beach.   So I am not sure as to what part the joke is making me laugh at.  The fact that a Brit was with the Canadians?  Or that he showed up to the wrong beach.   ;D  Sorry I couldn't help myself.   ;)
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Jack1704

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #268 on: September 06, 2009, 01:30:18 PM »
Quote from: WardoggKC130FE on September 06, 2009, 11:37:35 AM
Quote from: Jack1704 on July 11, 2009, 03:22:42 AM
An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."

The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"

The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.

Then he quietly explained;

"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to."


Hey, uhhhh not to undermine what the Brits did on D-Day or anything.....but it was the Canadians on Juno beach.   So I am not sure as to what part the joke is making me laugh at.  The fact that a Brit was with the Canadians?  Or that he showed up to the wrong beach.   ;D  Sorry I couldn't help myself.   ;)
He is canadian with a british passport/citizenship!!
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Stop all this nonesense and bring on the lapdancers.
Quote from: Eddy Baby on January 27, 2010, 12:33:44 AM
I understand Jack1704. It's a Brit thing.
*

WardoggKC130FE

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #269 on: September 06, 2009, 01:33:39 PM »
Quote from: Jack1704 on September 06, 2009, 01:30:18 PM
An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.

Well tell the story right then.  ;)  Or did he become British after the war?  Then I guess it might make sense. 
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