My father's side of the family is really religious

A recent email (I get these all the time):

I hope you and Allie have a White Christmas!  I will miss you, and I am thinking of you!  I will also be praying for you on Dec. 29.  Do you know what time your surgery is scheduled for!  Sunday's message at church compared Matthew and Luke's version of the birth of Jesus!  Pastor Datha also told us when you study the history and the customs of the time, it makes the Bible come alive.  Did you know that the three wise men had been following the star for two years and the baby Jesus was about two years old when they got there!  The gifts were very significant:  Gold was the traditional gift for a King, frankincense was the gift for a priest, and myrrh was the gift for a burial.  Mary and Joseph were very poor, so the gold also helped finance their escape to Egypt where they stay until Herod died, and it was safe to return.  The book of Psalm was written by David 1000 years before Christ, and the book of Isaiah was written 750 years before Christ, yet in Psalms 22 and Isaiah 53 it describes his birth and crucifixion in great detail.  It is amazing how God had every detail planned out long before it actually happen.   He also has a glorious life planned out for us too if we just trust in him!  He will take you beyond your wildest dreams if you will glorify him in what ever you decide to do!  Lift him up in praise, worship him, spend time with him, and share the reason for the season and the message of Christmas with someone you care about.
I love you!

Good God...

Welp, I'm converted.

Wow.  Does this relative know of your irreverence?  You should see some of the stuff I got over the years.

Wow.  Does this relative know of your irreverence?  You should see some of the stuff I got over the years.

lol, I'd be banished from the family.

It was like reading a Watchtower.

If you think that is overly religious....


My remaining roommate is an orthodox christian. He is really educated on the subject though. It is really interesting to listen to him.

He also has a glorious life planned out for us too if we just trust in him!  He will take you beyond your wildest dreams if you will glorify him in what ever you decide to do!

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

I'd email back something about how glorious it is that The Lightbringer, God's Brother was prepared to accept banishment from Heaven to bring us the gift of knowledge in the Garden of eden.

Tell them you're a member of The Temple of The Black Light. Once they've Googled it, they'll probably burn you.

Did you know that the three wise men had been following the star for two years and the baby Jesus was about two years old when they got there!

Were they employed by FedEx only because they got sacked from every pizza delivery place?

I'm never ordering that bloody three wise men taxi again, it's magic carpets from now on for me!

Talking of which, how come Jesus is still a new born 2 years later had he a stunted growth problem in them first few years or is every manger depiction I've seen been a fucking lie?

Quote from: Trekky0623's relative on December 28, 2008, 08:25:54 PM

Did you know that the three wise men had been following the star for two years and the baby Jesus was about two years old when they got there!

Were they employed by FedEx only because they got sacked from every pizza delivery place?

Quote from: Mary

I'm never ordering that bloody three wise men taxi again, it's magic carpets from now on for me!

Talking of which, how come Jesus is still a new born 2 years later had he a stunted growth problem in them first few years or is every manger depiction I've seen been a fucking lie?

I consider myself pretty fucking religous.  I have never heard that it took the wise men two years to reach the stable. 

I have never heard that it took the wise men two years to reach the stable. 

Yeh, I heard it took over 9000.

Quote from: Dead Kangaroo on December 29, 2008, 10:22:46 AM

Quote from: Trekky0623's relative on December 28, 2008, 08:25:54 PM

Did you know that the three wise men had been following the star for two years and the baby Jesus was about two years old when they got there!

Were they employed by FedEx only because they got sacked from every pizza delivery place?

Quote from: Mary

I'm never ordering that bloody three wise men taxi again, it's magic carpets from now on for me!

Talking of which, how come Jesus is still a new born 2 years later had he a stunted growth problem in them first few years or is every manger depiction I've seen been a fucking lie?

I consider myself pretty fucking religous.  I have never heard that it took the wise men two years to reach the stable. 

one Gospel misassumption is that the three wise men were kings, or, in fact, that there were even three of them. We make that asumption because there were three gifts given to the Christ child. - Christopher Moore, Lamb-Afterword

"Fucking hell, why are we following a star?"

"What?"

"Why in the name of fuck have we been following a star for two damn years?!"

"...We're going to go the..."

"Don't give me that bullshit.  I'm tired.  Fuck the savior, I'm leaving."

"Well fuck off then, dick."

"Fucking hell, why are we following a star?"

"What?"

"Why in the name of fuck have we been following a star for two damn years?!"

"...We're going to go the..."

"Don't give me that bullshit.  I'm tired.  Fuck the savior, I'm leaving."

"Well fuck off then, dick."

I wonder how far you could get following a star for 2 whole years.  I mean, it's not like being lost in the desert going in circles - you are following a star and going in a straight line. 

Quote from: Dead Kangaroo on December 29, 2008, 10:22:46 AM

Quote from: Trekky0623's relative on December 28, 2008, 08:25:54 PM

Did you know that the three wise men had been following the star for two years and the baby Jesus was about two years old when they got there!

Were they employed by FedEx only because they got sacked from every pizza delivery place?

Quote from: Mary

I'm never ordering that bloody three wise men taxi again, it's magic carpets from now on for me!

Talking of which, how come Jesus is still a new born 2 years later had he a stunted growth problem in them first few years or is every manger depiction I've seen been a fucking lie?

I consider myself pretty fucking religous.  I have never heard that it took the wise men two years to reach the stable. 

You didn't? Did you not read the bible ever?

I hate overly religious people. All my aunt ever talks about is her church.

Quote from: Trekky0623 on December 29, 2008, 12:36:22 PM

"Fucking hell, why are we following a star?"

"What?"

"Why in the name of fuck have we been following a star for two damn years?!"

"...We're going to go the..."

"Don't give me that bullshit.  I'm tired.  Fuck the savior, I'm leaving."

"Well fuck off then, dick."

I wonder how far you could get following a star for 2 whole years.  I mean, it's not like being lost in the desert going in circles - you are following a star and going in a straight line. 

They came from the East, if it was east asia then it could have taken considerable time to reach Bethlehem.

Quote from: WardoggKC130FE on December 29, 2008, 11:16:01 AM

Quote from: Dead Kangaroo on December 29, 2008, 10:22:46 AM

Quote from: Trekky0623's relative on December 28, 2008, 08:25:54 PM

Did you know that the three wise men had been following the star for two years and the baby Jesus was about two years old when they got there!

Were they employed by FedEx only because they got sacked from every pizza delivery place?

Quote from: Mary

I'm never ordering that bloody three wise men taxi again, it's magic carpets from now on for me!

Talking of which, how come Jesus is still a new born 2 years later had he a stunted growth problem in them first few years or is every manger depiction I've seen been a fucking lie?

I consider myself pretty fucking religous.  I have never heard that it took the wise men two years to reach the stable. 

You didn't? Did you not read the bible ever?

Just the first and last chapter.

Quote from: Colonel Gaydafi on December 29, 2008, 02:19:25 PM

Quote from: WardoggKC130FE on December 29, 2008, 11:16:01 AM

Quote from: Dead Kangaroo on December 29, 2008, 10:22:46 AM

Quote from: Trekky0623's relative on December 28, 2008, 08:25:54 PM

Did you know that the three wise men had been following the star for two years and the baby Jesus was about two years old when they got there!

Were they employed by FedEx only because they got sacked from every pizza delivery place?

Quote from: Mary

I'm never ordering that bloody three wise men taxi again, it's magic carpets from now on for me!

Talking of which, how come Jesus is still a new born 2 years later had he a stunted growth problem in them first few years or is every manger depiction I've seen been a fucking lie?

I consider myself pretty fucking religous.  I have never heard that it took the wise men two years to reach the stable. 

You didn't? Did you not read the bible ever?

Just the first and last chapter.

Just wanted to find out whodunnit it right?

Quote from: WardoggKC130FE on December 29, 2008, 03:52:24 PM

Quote from: Colonel Gaydafi on December 29, 2008, 02:19:25 PM

Quote from: WardoggKC130FE on December 29, 2008, 11:16:01 AM

Quote from: Dead Kangaroo on December 29, 2008, 10:22:46 AM

Quote from: Trekky0623's relative on December 28, 2008, 08:25:54 PM

Did you know that the three wise men had been following the star for two years and the baby Jesus was about two years old when they got there!

Were they employed by FedEx only because they got sacked from every pizza delivery place?

Quote from: Mary

I'm never ordering that bloody three wise men taxi again, it's magic carpets from now on for me!

Talking of which, how come Jesus is still a new born 2 years later had he a stunted growth problem in them first few years or is every manger depiction I've seen been a fucking lie?

I consider myself pretty fucking religous.  I have never heard that it took the wise men two years to reach the stable. 

You didn't? Did you not read the bible ever?

Just the first and last chapter.

Just wanted to find out whodunnit it right?

Prof Plum with the pipe in the study.

Are you calling God a murderer? Wait, are you calling God a SCIENTIST?! Every church in the world has now disowned you and called out a hit.

If you want an exciting God, skip every book in the New Testament save for Revelation.  God's just boring in the New Testament.

Quote from: Dead Kangaroo on December 29, 2008, 10:22:46 AM

Quote from: Trekky0623's relative on December 28, 2008, 08:25:54 PM

Did you know that the three wise men had been following the star for two years and the baby Jesus was about two years old when they got there!

Were they employed by FedEx only because they got sacked from every pizza delivery place?

Quote from: Mary

I'm never ordering that bloody three wise men taxi again, it's magic carpets from now on for me!

Talking of which, how come Jesus is still a new born 2 years later had he a stunted growth problem in them first few years or is every manger depiction I've seen been a fucking lie?

I consider myself pretty fucking religous.  I have never heard that it took the wise men two years to reach the stable. 

That's pretty much the actual belief. The christmas story everyone hears is the watered down version saved for little kids and people that want to hear a sermon on it.

I mean I'm guessing they lived in that general area.  I'd get some sort of transportation or something and surely it wouldn't take me two years?  I mean, am I mistaken?

I mean I'm guessing they lived in that general area.  I'd get some sort of transportation or something and surely it wouldn't take me two years?  I mean, am I mistaken?

Following a star across a country takes a while. Magii aren't just wise men, it was the name of astronomer kings. They were considered magic because they could predict phenomena like eclipses and such. I'm guessing it would have been a long while.

If you want an exciting God, skip every book in the New Testament save for Revelation.  God's just boring in the New Testament.

Revelation is the only Bible book I've read from cover to cover and enjoyed.

I like Ecclesiastes best

Song of Songs is quite nice.   

Wardogg, they estimate Christ being about 3 years old when the "wise men" arrived.  There's also speculation as to what religion the Magi belonged to.  Some think that they were from one that was waiting for the return of their prophet.  Unfortunately, I don't remember the name of the religion or their prophet.

Yeah Song of Songs is nice