The Cooking Thread

Looks yummy. Btw, can you perhaps tell us a little more about the provenance of this divine vessel:

Ah yes, the doggo cookie jar! I'll get a better picture of him to share. He was a gift acquired at an office Yankee swap.

Also I need to share a picture of the jerky, it came out pretty good. I went from too much sweetness to too little sweetness on this round. I swapped out the teriyaki sauce for mostly soy sauce - about 2 cups soy, 1/2 cup teriyaki (because I ran out of soy sauce), and 1/2 cup worcestershire for about 4 lbs of meat. That, along with a 1/4 cup of the spice blend I made before. Next time, it's equal parts soy and teriyaki, keeping the amount of worcestershire the same.

In a deep frying pan, sauté one medium onion, chopped, until golden brown, in a tablespoon of olive oil.

Add water to about 1/4 inch deep and then add ground black pepper, curry powder, soy sauce (not too much or it will be too salty) and any other spices you like. Suggestions are celery seed, garlic, paprika, turmeric, tarragon...

Add one block of extra-firm tofu, cut into 1/4-inch cubes and stir while the water cooks away, then stir and scrape the bottom of the pan vigorously until the tofu is lightly browned, reducing the heat after the water is all gone to prevent burning.

Turn off the heat and let it rest for a bit.

Simultaneously to the above, cook one cup of brown rice with veggies. Suggestions are broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, bell pepper.

Serve the curried tofu over the brown rice & veggies.

Yum. Guaranteed to please.

Smell what the crouton is cooking.

Quote from: Stash on June 09, 2019, 01:51:19 AM

Looks yummy. Btw, can you perhaps tell us a little more about the provenance of this divine vessel:

Ah yes, the doggo cookie jar! I'll get a better picture of him to share. He was a gift acquired at an office Yankee swap.

Also I need to share a picture of the jerky, it came out pretty good. I went from too much sweetness to too little sweetness on this round. I swapped out the teriyaki sauce for mostly soy sauce - about 2 cups soy, 1/2 cup teriyaki (because I ran out of soy sauce), and 1/2 cup worcestershire for about 4 lbs of meat. That, along with a 1/4 cup of the spice blend I made before. Next time, it's equal parts soy and teriyaki, keeping the amount of worcestershire the same.

Teriyaki Sauce is Soy Sauce with brown sugar, ginger and garlic added.
Plus pineapple and green onion if you want.

Quote from: boydster on June 11, 2019, 04:17:02 PM

Quote from: Stash on June 09, 2019, 01:51:19 AM

Looks yummy. Btw, can you perhaps tell us a little more about the provenance of this divine vessel:

Ah yes, the doggo cookie jar! I'll get a better picture of him to share. He was a gift acquired at an office Yankee swap.

Also I need to share a picture of the jerky, it came out pretty good. I went from too much sweetness to too little sweetness on this round. I swapped out the teriyaki sauce for mostly soy sauce - about 2 cups soy, 1/2 cup teriyaki (because I ran out of soy sauce), and 1/2 cup worcestershire for about 4 lbs of meat. That, along with a 1/4 cup of the spice blend I made before. Next time, it's equal parts soy and teriyaki, keeping the amount of worcestershire the same.

Teriyaki Sauce is Soy Sauce with brown sugar, ginger and garlic added.
Plus pineapple and green onion if you want.

Nuh-uh, it's Teriyaki sauce. It comes in it's own bottle and everything

I have neglected to provide vital updates on the jerky. The recipe is getting much more dialed in now. I made a salinity calculator spreadsheet because I was having issues getting the salt just right, and it made a huge difference. One of those things that, once I did it, I realized how stupid it was not to have done that at the beginning.

Smell what the crouton is cooking.

Careful with that. If you overcook the calamari, it gets rubbery.

Quote from: Bullwinkle on July 30, 2019, 12:17:55 AM

Quote from: boydster on June 11, 2019, 04:17:02 PM

Quote from: Stash on June 09, 2019, 01:51:19 AM

Looks yummy. Btw, can you perhaps tell us a little more about the provenance of this divine vessel:

Ah yes, the doggo cookie jar! I'll get a better picture of him to share. He was a gift acquired at an office Yankee swap.

Also I need to share a picture of the jerky, it came out pretty good. I went from too much sweetness to too little sweetness on this round. I swapped out the teriyaki sauce for mostly soy sauce - about 2 cups soy, 1/2 cup teriyaki (because I ran out of soy sauce), and 1/2 cup worcestershire for about 4 lbs of meat. That, along with a 1/4 cup of the spice blend I made before. Next time, it's equal parts soy and teriyaki, keeping the amount of worcestershire the same.

Teriyaki Sauce is Soy Sauce with brown sugar, ginger and garlic added.
Plus pineapple and green onion if you want.

Nuh-uh, it's Teriyaki sauce. It comes in it's own bottle and everything

I have neglected to provide vital updates on the jerky. The recipe is getting much more dialed in now. I made a salinity calculator spreadsheet because I was having issues getting the salt just right, and it made a huge difference. One of those things that, once I did it, I realized how stupid it was not to have done that at the beginning.

Are you controlling meat thickness?
That would alter the salt/surface to salt/meat volume ratio.

I am, and I promise a detailed write-up because I have turned this into a freaking science now.

So for the jerking of the beef, I purchased this super awesome jerky slicer:


The knife is sharp enough to remove unsuspecting fingers before you even realize what happened, so there's that. But it has a couple plastic trays that you can use as spacers to adjust the thickness of the beef slices. So even slices: Check. Next up, getting the right cut of beef. London Broil was working fine, but the big leagues dictate getting a cut like a top round (which the London broil is cut from anyway) or something similar. Eye of Round is another popular cut. I went to the local butcher and got me a 5lb hunk of top round. Good lean meat: Check. I was already happy with my seasoning blend, which is just a Montreal steak blend without any added salt. The last piece of the puzzle was getting the salt content figured out, so regardless what I decide to use for a marinade, I can be sure I have some consistency on the salt levels from one batch to the next. And for that, I embraced my inner geek. SPREADSHEET TIME. So I grabbed all of my marinading liquids and did a careful inspection of the labels. Sodium content x 2.5 = Salt content. I converted that to a percentage for each liquid - now I have salt content by volume - and then made a little table where I can enter how many ounces of each fluid I use and it gives me a weighted average of what the actual salinity of the marinade is. Voila! The batch that was too salty was up in the 12-12.5% range if I recall correctly. Wowzahs. The last batch was at 8%. Much better. Next one will be 7-7.5%. And you want to know a great way to reduce the salinity without watering down the flavor? BEEF BROTH. Straight from a can or carton, doesn't even need to be the low sodium kind. The Walmart brand is 0.85% salinity. Salt content: FUCKING CHECK, YO.

Next tweaks to the process are easy by comparison to what I've already done. I need to get before and after weights so I can keep track of how dry each batch is in a more controlled and less anecdotal way. And I need to find the sweet spot for the salt levels. 8% was good. But it can be lower and I need to find the magic number where I think it's perfect.

So for the jerking of the beef, I purchased this super awesome jerky slicer:

You seem to have some serious issues regarding jerking your beef.
I assure you, it's perfectly natural.

It's not about the brine, it's the pleasure you get from enjoying the finished product.


Here is the real secret to brine
feel brave enough to experiment
there is no right or wrong . . .

2 qts water
1 c. kosher salt
1˝ c. brown sugar
˝ c. low sodium soy sauce
2 tsp pepper corns, smashed
Anything else you want to add.
Be gentle, drying concentrates flavors.

Boil, cool, soak your meat overnight.


Sometimes you need to go to the gadget shop for "special" tools.
Not for this.

Freeze your meat for an hour.
It will be stiff enough to sever into perfectly thin flaps.

I refuse to boil the meat. I cure it. I've tried the freezing method. It works, but the consistency is better with the slicer. I will fight you.

I refuse to boil the meat. I cure it. I've tried the freezing method. It works, but the consistency is better with the slicer. I will fight you.

Nooo, you don't heat your meat, you prepare a luxurious overnight cool bath for your protein.

I think you're being obtuse on purpose.   

OH you mean boil the marinade? I won't fight you about that.

I forgot to share a lot of things here. Among them is the Mac & cheese casserole I made last weekend. I did get one pic of that to share at least though. The topping is panko toasted in butter. Sharp cheddar and gruyere cheese sauce.

Did you include a teaspoon of English mustard?

Did you include a teaspoon of English mustard?

A little bit more, and it was Coleman's mustard powder

I would eat that.

I have 2 batches of jerky going now. One with the usual ingredients, and one where I am trying some Bragg's Liquid Aminos because I read somewhere that it was a good substitute with a little bit different flavor to it. There's 5lbs of meat after trimming the fat, 2.5lbs in each bag. One of them says "Soy" on it, but if I'm being honest, I'm not actually confident I labeled it correctly. So as far as tests go, this is pretty much a blind one.

You've gone jerky mad.

I made some jerky quite a while ago.
Started with a few pounds of meat and dried it into lightweight pieces.

Here's the thing, it's only water that is lost in the process.
It turns back into meat when you eat it.
All in one sitting.

I thought I was going to die. 

hd photo sharing

Attention! I am baking an emergency strawberry tart to raise awareness about the need to nuke hurricane Dorian.

Damn that tart looks good. Good enough to destroy my efforts in trying to lose a little weight and eat healthy even though taking a look around at the general population I am slim in comparison. But I was having a peruse and couldn't help but notice that kids book on the bottom shelf. What is the full title? It looks cute. And what is P.F Changs 

. . . But I was having a peruse and couldn't help but notice that kids book on the bottom shelf. What is the full title? It looks cute.

It's a package of freeze-dried children tenders, "Powdered Kids".

You could just nuke us with that strawberry tart instead.

The tart looks delicious. The goo on your fridge shelf, less delicious. The wine, we're back to delicious. The mayo, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING??

Mayonnaise is one of the food groups OF LIFE.

PF Chang's is a more upscale Chinese restaurant chain the US.

Everything in that fridge is deceptive.

There is no mayo.  That's garlic butter.  Mayo is banned from the Crouton house.  The kids are doomed to a life of dry bologna sandwiches.

Not champagne, sparkling apple juice(preggos are total lightweights with alcohol).

And the fridge looking filthy is, well, pretty much that.

I retract most of what I said then. Carry on. )

How do you make potato salad without mayo?

I'm not really the potato salad eating sort. O gratin,o Brian, scalloped yes. Coleslaw ,no.