Okay,j Look ,,, listen/! ?Smnell!

So I have ben eating  lot of i;ls a d alcoholoc with rpesceptiohn medicine figher plot meth.  Long have I toiled in my mind ballot to solve your problem.

I thiought about it long andhard.  Are you reddy you? cehck this ohjt, I have a five pqwoet plan. 

Alright, nv thjat plan.  I forget it wen I went into the otyher room.  New Plan.

Some explaning needed. Be patience I promise this wll go somewhere. 

Once when we were finshed eating, my daughter didn't want to leave her vood.  But they didn't want to throw it away.  So I told her to stuff them all in uyour mouth and the same time.  sHEN SHOUD JUSTA HAVE ALL THAT INTERE TIME WHERE SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN WAITING I BY CHESING ITG.  BAM PROBLEM SOLVED.

tHE LESSON HERE NED NNO ANALOGSISI

pLAN 2

i HAVE ENGINGAGED IN A  ATTLE FOR MY VERY SURVIVAL BETWEEN MYSELFF AND MY DAUGHTER. 
It starteed wieh she casually sat on my l;ap and farted.  "well played kid, well played".  BButy revenge is a disch best served cold.  So I bided my time.  One day her head was lying right by sass."Whoa!  pervect right".  If I had concentrated any further I'm sure I would have blasterd my daughter with shit.  T

So just parse all that our and we can get back wise.

Crout's, how are you feeling today?

Crouton needs to toil in his mind ballot again so he can finish the story.

So I've done a partial forensic analysis of this and here's what I can come up with to explain this.

I had a few stories about my children that I wanted to tell but the thing about stories of kids is that they largely fall under the category of "you had to be there" so I resist telling them.

I'll sum them up quickly.

Story #1.  One of my daughters was taking way too long to finish some scrambled eggs so I told her to just cram them all in her mouth and eat them slowly throughout the day because sometimes I forget that kids don't understand my sense of humor.  But this is exactly what she did.  So for 6 hours I didn't hear her speak and she looked like a chipmunk.

Story #2.  The backstory on this is long and complicated but I am now involved in a long term farting contest with my oldest daughter.  I think I'm accidently raising her to be very obnoxious.

There are elements I can't explain.  They may be typos or my impaired mind blending whatever show I was watching at the time.