Glenlivet military training camp, Master at Arms office, two present.
The Master at Arms has just concluded a roasting of his new subaltern for using the wrong whisky in his tea, using colourful and obscene observations on the young lieutenant’s parentage and their sexual tendencies, the junior officer looks less shocked than sandblasted.
A light knock and the door swings open to admit the gaunt figure of the adjutant, face intent on the communiqué he carries.
Passing a copy to his superior, “Just came in, trouble at the pole”
There followed a silence as the two men read, the seated man doing so with frequent huffs and expletives, the subaltern having snapped to attention with the arrival of the adjutant remained so, ignored.
Finally;
(MaA) “Well, I’ll be dipped in shit! What in the whore of Babylon’s name do NASA want with that fat old fraud?”
(Adj) “Their Intel has him down as the ultimate were-penguin killer” The adjutants eyebrows arched as he looked up, “No penguins in the arctic circle, as proof”
“The fucking 12,000 miles of water swimming with shit that will eat them, with divisions of Polar bears and wolves waiting for the survivors has no effect then, just fatty with his sack full of crap? Jesus creeping shit those people are dumb as toe fungus.”
(Adj) “The penguins are of the same mind”
(MaA) “The Penguins are birds for fuck sake, genetically altered, imbued with evil, yes but birds, and worse , educated by these idiots, who think an old trickster spirit who has riffed a massive scam where he claims the presents you bought were him all along, but you pay him in booze and mince-pies anyway, even though you have the bastard receipts?
Mother Teressa’s sagging sack-bags, serves him right, let them have him”
(Adj) “Except for the orders” drawled the other “We want a presence, just in case”
“Yes, fucking orders that will get somebody killed, we have that Berserker chappy on ice, he should make a splash”
The Adjutant sniffed, “I rather think they want the young lady that did so well in Texas”
“Then what in Satan’s bleeding arse are they bothering us for? That’s ecclesiastical department, oh right it says here, training, insertion and extraction, bugger.” For the first time in a while he noticed the subaltern,
“You! You’re doing fuck all. Go and get this girl some gloves and a hat, make sure she gets where she wants and gets back here in one piece, and then make tea, chop chop.