A Friendly Chat

I think the salient point was negativity breeds negativity.

Also, I feel soul-strangled having interacted with you      (I'm kidding. Send me a song to listen to b/c I'm so far behind on "Now Playing" that I'm afraid to visit the thread)

I will if you really want me to! Though I can't guarantee you'll like anything I send. :]

Quote from: Ski on June 23, 2013, 01:28:15 AM

I think the salient point was negativity breeds negativity.

That said, I think both rooster and Supes are right, to a point. It's definitely unfair to label all depressed people as needy bastards who can never be good friends, but people who do happen to be needy bastards are probably not worth anyone's time, regardless of their self-esteem or mental health otherwise.

That I can agree with, to an extent. Not everyone's hopeless, and not everyone just thinks "will this person be any kind of a drag? If so, I don't want to be friends with them". Perhaps I was reading Rooster's post wrong, but I don't like the constant conflation of one (depression) with the other (desperate neediness and and unfriendliness). You can suffer from depression without being the kind of person she described in her former post.

I meant specifically people who are medicated for serious depressive disorders. The friend I spoke of was bipolar, for example. People who just get depressed now and then are fine.

I think that's still a vast, sweeping statement. I do not just get sad now and then, but I still think people are awesome and I try to be friendly.

Academic writing reads much better now I know that 'salient' doesn't mean 'salty'

Right?!

She was definitely friendly and outgoing. She was just incapable of having a close healthy friendship. I hope you don't dump your insecurities on other people and make them feel like shit- make your problems their problems, project your shortcomings onto them, etc.

I'm sure there are people out there who handle it better than she did/does. But I for one would not ever get myself involved with someone so negative or insecure again, someone so unwilling to take responsibility.

She was definitely friendly and outgoing. She was just incapable of having a close healthy friendship. I hope you don't dump your insecurities on other people and make them feel like shit- make your problems their problems, project your shortcomings onto them, etc.

I'm sure there are people out there who handle it better than she did/does. But I for one would not ever get myself involved with someone so negative or insecure again, someone so unwilling to take responsibility.

I don't. I open up to those who make it clear that they want to be of some sort of help, but that's about it. As soon as they make it clear they really don't want to hear any more of it or I get the feeling they don't want to (which can happen prematurely as I'm terrible at reading people), I shut up.

Quote from: rooster on June 23, 2013, 11:02:05 AM

She was definitely friendly and outgoing. She was just incapable of having a close healthy friendship. I hope you don't dump your insecurities on other people and make them feel like shit- make your problems their problems, project your shortcomings onto them, etc.

I'm sure there are people out there who handle it better than she did/does. But I for one would not ever get myself involved with someone so negative or insecure again, someone so unwilling to take responsibility.

I don't. I open up to those who make it clear that they want to be of some sort of help, but that's about it. As soon as they make it clear they really don't want to hear any more of it or I get the feeling they don't want to (which can happen prematurely as I'm terrible at reading people), I shut up.

I don't think you really understand. It's not that she talked about her issues, it's that she had such unhealthy issues. She just couldn't interact in a healthy way.

inb4 Adolf Hipster turns out to also be Thork

You are too late..

But I for one would not ever get myself involved with someone so negative or insecure again, someone so unwilling to take responsibility.

Isn't there the danger here of failing to recognise the genuinely medical nature of these conditions in a lot of cases? I doubt you would talk in the same terms about someone with cancer, or a serious disability. If you acknowledge that mental-health disorders are just that, then it simply doesn't make sense to talk in terms of responsibility.


Now, I'm not trying to poo-poo your experiences here. It may well be that this person was not someone you could help, that her state of mind could only negatively affect yours, and that your continued attentions might only have made things worse. You're probably right about this person. I just think that talking about mental health issues in terms of 'responsibility' is very dangerous.

Quote from: rooster on June 23, 2013, 11:02:05 AM

But I for one would not ever get myself involved with someone so negative or insecure again, someone so unwilling to take responsibility.

Isn't there the danger here of failing to recognise the genuinely medical nature of these conditions in a lot of cases? I doubt you would talk in the same terms about someone with cancer, or a serious disability. If you acknowledge that mental-health disorders are just that, then it simply doesn't make sense to talk in terms of responsibility.


Now, I'm not trying to poo-poo your experiences here. It may well be that this person was not someone you could help, that her state of mind could only negatively affect yours, and that your continued attentions might only have made things worse. You're probably right about this person. I just think that talking about mental health issues in terms of 'responsibility' is very dangerous.

I was attached at the hip to this girl for 5 years. And by "take responsibility" I mean recognize your own insecurities and not force them on everyone else. For example, just because she may hate the idea of having a boyfriend because she couldn't get close to a guy in any meaningful way doesn't mean I should not date either. She thought that I was not invested in our friendship even though I'm the one who drove to her house (an hour away) every weekend because she was too scared to drive. This girl seriously thought that because I didn't want to kiss her feet, that I didn't love her (nope, definitely not kidding). She was just fucking crazy and only got worse by refusing to acknowledge her problems. That's what I mean by taking responsibility. It is an illness that she can't change on her own, but she needed to recognize that she had problems and stop trying to medicate/self medicate them away and blame everyone else for her unhappiness.

Even though she was my personal terrible experience, I also knew those just like her thanks to my fantastic alternative high school, who chased away everyone who tried to get close. Teenagers and young adults that are heavily medicated for mental illness are nearly impossible to be around and ultimately it's for the best to just not get involved.

I think I'd prefer the crazies of the world to keep taking their medicine.

The Bloke was(is) fairly mentally ill, he would always threaten to commit suicide if I left him and had paranoid delusions about our neighbours. It drove me crazy, only so much you can take of being around someone like that.

The Bloke was(is) fairly mentally ill, he would always threaten to commit suicide if I left him and had paranoid delusions about our neighbours. It drove me crazy, only so much you can take of being around someone like that.

And yet you considered him to be someone you wanted to raise a child with.

Quote from: Colonel Gaydafi on June 23, 2013, 11:10:02 PM

The Bloke was(is) fairly mentally ill, he would always threaten to commit suicide if I left him and had paranoid delusions about our neighbours. It drove me crazy, only so much you can take of being around someone like that.

And yet you considered him to be someone you wanted to raise a child with.

She was an oops baby

Quote from: Parsifal on June 23, 2013, 11:18:54 PM

Quote from: Colonel Gaydafi on June 23, 2013, 11:10:02 PM

The Bloke was(is) fairly mentally ill, he would always threaten to commit suicide if I left him and had paranoid delusions about our neighbours. It drove me crazy, only so much you can take of being around someone like that.

And yet you considered him to be someone you wanted to raise a child with.

She was an oops baby

I will be sure to send her a link to this post for her 18th birthday.

Quote from: Colonel Gaydafi on June 24, 2013, 04:18:32 AM

Quote from: Parsifal on June 23, 2013, 11:18:54 PM

Quote from: Colonel Gaydafi on June 23, 2013, 11:10:02 PM

The Bloke was(is) fairly mentally ill, he would always threaten to commit suicide if I left him and had paranoid delusions about our neighbours. It drove me crazy, only so much you can take of being around someone like that.

And yet you considered him to be someone you wanted to raise a child with.

She was an oops baby

I will be sure to send her a link to this post for her 18th birthday.

I write it in every birthday card already

The Bloke was(is) fairly mentally ill, he would always threaten to commit suicide if I left him and had paranoid delusions about our neighbours. It drove me crazy, only so much you can take of being around someone like that.

And the courts are okay with him having parental rights over Maria?

Quote from: Colonel Gaydafi on June 23, 2013, 11:10:02 PM

The Bloke was(is) fairly mentally ill, he would always threaten to commit suicide if I left him and had paranoid delusions about our neighbours. It drove me crazy, only so much you can take of being around someone like that.

And the courts are okay with him having parental rights over Maria?

Yeah. He was investigated by the child welfare officers and clearly they decided he's ok. And actually he is now as he's been getting treatment for a bit and hasn't talked crazy in quite a while.

Quote from: Lord Wilmore on June 23, 2013, 07:46:04 PM

Quote from: rooster on June 23, 2013, 11:02:05 AM

But I for one would not ever get myself involved with someone so negative or insecure again, someone so unwilling to take responsibility.

Isn't there the danger here of failing to recognise the genuinely medical nature of these conditions in a lot of cases? I doubt you would talk in the same terms about someone with cancer, or a serious disability. If you acknowledge that mental-health disorders are just that, then it simply doesn't make sense to talk in terms of responsibility.


Now, I'm not trying to poo-poo your experiences here. It may well be that this person was not someone you could help, that her state of mind could only negatively affect yours, and that your continued attentions might only have made things worse. You're probably right about this person. I just think that talking about mental health issues in terms of 'responsibility' is very dangerous.

I was attached at the hip to this girl for 5 years. And by "take responsibility" I mean recognize your own insecurities and not force them on everyone else. For example, just because she may hate the idea of having a boyfriend because she couldn't get close to a guy in any meaningful way doesn't mean I should not date either. She thought that I was not invested in our friendship even though I'm the one who drove to her house (an hour away) every weekend because she was too scared to drive. This girl seriously thought that because I didn't want to kiss her feet, that I didn't love her (nope, definitely not kidding). She was just fucking crazy and only got worse by refusing to acknowledge her problems. That's what I mean by taking responsibility. It is an illness that she can't change on her own, but she needed to recognize that she had problems and stop trying to medicate/self medicate them away and blame everyone else for her unhappiness.

Even though she was my personal terrible experience, I also knew those just like her thanks to my fantastic alternative high school, who chased away everyone who tried to get close. Teenagers and young adults that are heavily medicated for mental illness are nearly impossible to be around and ultimately it's for the best to just not get involved.

Helping people too much can do harm than good sometimes, because they become too reliant on you.

I'll agree that she started relying too heavily on me, but I never tried to "help" her. I had no illusions towards that end.

Today I found out that I need to have my wisdom teeth removed. 
However, the dentist seems to think they are responsible for my jaw cracking problems. It would be very nice if those problems go away, but I am pretty nervous.

Today I found out that I need to have my wisdom teeth removed. 
However, the dentist seems to think they are responsible for my jaw cracking problems. It would be very nice if those problems go away, but I am pretty nervous.

I apparently have to get a lot of my toes broken by a doctor so they can be corrected. Being fixed is fun, huh?

Quote from: Foxy on June 26, 2013, 04:52:06 PM

Today I found out that I need to have my wisdom teeth removed. 
However, the dentist seems to think they are responsible for my jaw cracking problems. It would be very nice if those problems go away, but I am pretty nervous.

I apparently have to get a lot of my toes broken by a doctor so they can be corrected. Being fixed is fun, huh?

Ouch. What is going on with your toes? It sure is.. 

Today I found out that I need to have my wisdom teeth removed. 

Ugh.  Been there, done that.

Today I found out that I need to have my wisdom teeth removed. 
However, the dentist seems to think they are responsible for my jaw cracking problems. It would be very nice if those problems go away, but I am pretty nervous.

I had all four of mine taken out when I was 18, and I just recently found out I have a 5th.

All da wittle babies gettin deir teefs taken out. :3

All da wittle babies gettin deir teefs taken out. :3

Translation: rooster had hers taken out a year ago, and that for some reason makes her feel more like an adult.

Quote from: rooster on June 26, 2013, 07:23:21 PM

All da wittle babies gettin deir teefs taken out. :3

Translation: rooster had hers taken out a year ago, and that for some reason makes her feel more like an adult.

3 years ago.

Urgh this reminds me I need to go to the dentist 

I haven't been to the dentist in a really long time. Years, at least.

Good point, I should have specified. It's been at least 5 years, I'd say.

I haven't had a proper check up in about 10 years. I've visited the emergency dentist a few times though since then for temporary fillings but then I never go back for the proper filling. I am terrible, just terrible.

I haven't had a proper check up in about 10 years. I've visited the emergency dentist a few times though since then for temporary fillings but then I never go back for the proper filling. I am terrible, just terrible.

At least I'm not the only one who doesn't go to the dentist.