Am about to go swimming in a lake for the first time, assuming the people there let me. They are being jerks and not replying to my enquiries despite their website saying how anyone can come along and its a really friendly atmosphere. 
Why would they want to ruin such a great atmosphere by letting you in?
It'd be the coolest club in the land if they let me in. And you know it.
You've never swam in a lake before?
Nope. Why would I? I once went skinny dipping with my friend's French Exchange student when I was about 16 but we didn't get much swimming done.
Anyway, I have achieved my first lake swim . And it was hideous. Below is a picture of the weather conditions.
The picture doesn't really do justice to how violently those flags were being whipped about.
It was soooooo windy and that made the lake choppy. I got in and kind of panicked. Not panicked in a Team-America super secret signal type way, but my heart rate soared and I was badly out of breath. It was freezing. Eventually I started to calm down. I swallowed lots of lake and a not inconsiderable amount of duck shit that for some reason nature has ordained should float. The lake had twigs and branches in it, leaves and I could just about see my outstretched hand. It was full of algae and really green and dark. It also began raining heavily and as I pushed my face above the chop to breath the raindrops lashed it. I managed about 3km. When I got out I was blue. My lips especially. As I walked in some guy said "go get yourself a hot shower". I was thinking 'Yeah, just what I need'. However the shower was the exact same temperature as the lake. All in all it was a reasonably harrowing experience. I'm going again next Tuesday.