Gravity Does not Exist!

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Roundy

Gravity Does not Exist!
« on: July 14, 2006, 11:18:38 AM »
Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
August 17, 2005 | Issue 41•33

KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.


Rev. Gabriel Burdett explains Intelligent Falling.
"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."

Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.

According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an informed decision."

"We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.

Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.

"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."

Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's mathematics and Holy Scripture.

"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."

"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"

Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.

"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus."

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39512?issue=4228&special=2005

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gc

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Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2006, 12:32:12 PM »
Quote
Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."


If you can't explain it, God must be behind it  :roll:

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Ubuntu

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Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2006, 01:10:18 PM »
This is absolutely, unbelieveably ridiculous.

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Desu

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Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2006, 01:14:27 PM »
Quote from: "Ubuntu"
This is absolutely, unbelieveably ridiculous.

The source of this article is The Onion, why wouldn't it be ridiculous or hilarious?
Quote from: sam712
It must suck living in Richmond.
Since June 2006.

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Northrider5

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Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #4 on: August 15, 2006, 01:19:18 PM »
'Intelligent Falling'. Goddamned hilarious. :lol:
Courtesy of your friendly neighbourhood Muslim.

Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #5 on: August 15, 2006, 02:00:44 PM »
Finally, we get the truth behind this "gravity" nonsense.
y the power of truth, I, a living man, have conquered the universe.

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goArmy128

Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #6 on: October 14, 2006, 06:27:34 PM »
I beleive in "intelligence desighn" and am very opposed to evolution and the Darwinian theology...but this is kinda crazy

Next they'll be telling us that the Earth's flat!!!

Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #7 on: October 14, 2006, 07:31:25 PM »
ahhh the onion, great stuff that! i nthink i mite go and have a read of todays headlines right now :D

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Erasmus

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Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #8 on: October 15, 2006, 04:48:24 PM »
Quote from: "goArmy128"
I beleive in "intelligence desighn" and am very opposed to evolution and the Darwinian theology...but this is kinda crazy


I believe in Intelligent Falling and am opposed to gravity and Einsteinian theology... then I heard about "Intelligent Design" and thought, "man, this is pretty crazy!"
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?

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Ubuntu

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Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2006, 03:49:07 PM »
Quote from: "Erasmus"
Quote from: "goArmy128"
I beleive in "intelligence desighn" and am very opposed to evolution and the Darwinian theology...but this is kinda crazy


I believe in Intelligent Falling and am opposed to gravity and Einsteinian theology... then I heard about "Intelligent Design" and thought, "man, this is pretty crazy!"


I think the real nut was John Michell. If black holes exist, what's in them?!?!?!?!

Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #10 on: October 17, 2006, 06:45:13 PM »
more like the dumbion. amirite?

Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #11 on: October 17, 2006, 09:21:30 PM »
Quote
I beleive in "intelligence desighn" and am very opposed to evolution and the Darwinian theology...but this is kinda crazy

Your name is 'goArmy128'. This means somthing.
quote="DiegoDraw"]"And Moses said unto his brethren: 'The Earth is flat!...biznatches,'" [/quote]
DOT INFO

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beast

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Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #12 on: October 18, 2006, 03:55:55 AM »
lol TEDNE for the win.

Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #13 on: October 18, 2006, 09:19:12 PM »
I subscribe to Creative Evolutionary Designed Intelligence Theory and Innovative Falling in Apparent Gravitation.

Is Darwinian Theology the belief model based on the ascent of an Ape-Man? or the descent of a God-Ape? Where's old "Saint" Charles the prophet when you need him? or Pierre Boulle, for that matter?

If black holes exist, what's in them?!?!?!?!
Black!!!!!.....that's what's in 'em, you dimwit! A "Black Hole" is obviously full of black. Duh!?!?!?!?!

Black Holes are conclusively formed from extra-dark, blacklight stars and smaller black-space bodies crushed together into a quantum singularity by the severe pressure and dark gravity of all those (mostly white) physicists spending valuable research funds thinking about and/or thinking about thinking about them, all the fucking time.
 believe that; the Earth is flat until such time as I stand within the Space Station and personally see that it is a Globe.
or that the Earth is a sphere until such time as I stand upon the Icewall and personally see that it is a Flat Disk.

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GeoGuy

Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #14 on: October 19, 2006, 06:17:01 AM »
How is that relevant to his like or dislike of "the Onion"?

Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #15 on: October 19, 2006, 10:30:27 AM »
I never said it was.
quote="Dogplatter"]
Penguins were actually created in the 1960's by Russian scientists who combined the DNA of otters and birds.  [/quote]


LOL

Re: Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #16 on: May 14, 2007, 09:27:28 AM »
So if gravity doesn't exist, how are we still here? Please reply since you guys know everything

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Amroth

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Re: Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #17 on: May 14, 2007, 10:31:18 AM »
My church has a poster of an Ape then it evolves into the modern human that worships a golden ape as our creator. Thought it was amusing.
Nothing is impossible. Improbable. Unlikely. But never impossible.

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Colonel Gaydafi

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Re: Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #18 on: May 14, 2007, 12:36:54 PM »
So if gravity doesn't exist, how are we still here? Please reply since you guys know everything

Gravitation
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Re: Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #19 on: May 14, 2007, 01:36:18 PM »
Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.

That's where they went wrong.

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Amroth

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Re: Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #20 on: May 15, 2007, 02:28:10 PM »
This is almost a year old thread!
Nothing is impossible. Improbable. Unlikely. But never impossible.

Re: Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #21 on: May 16, 2007, 09:11:22 AM »
Didn't notice.

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Amroth

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Re: Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #22 on: May 17, 2007, 05:45:28 AM »
I did ;D
Nothing is impossible. Improbable. Unlikely. But never impossible.

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∂G/∂x

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Re: Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #23 on: May 17, 2007, 05:16:00 PM »
Quote
There are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

Genius  ;D
Quote from: Tom Bishop
The universe has already expanded forever

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Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth.

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Raist

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Re: Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #24 on: May 17, 2007, 07:39:53 PM »
I can't believe that guy says a black hole is full of black. What an idiot. A hole is full of nothing, that's what makes it a hole.  ::)

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TheEngineer

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Re: Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #25 on: May 17, 2007, 11:33:14 PM »
I can't believe that guy says a black hole is full of black. What an idiot. A hole is full of nothing, that's what makes it a hole.  ::)
Except in the case of a black hole, which is full of stuff.


"I haven't been wrong since 1961, when I thought I made a mistake."
        -- Bob Hudson

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Amroth

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Re: Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #26 on: May 18, 2007, 05:17:28 AM »
Black holes suck in everything including light making it black. Black is the absence of light.
Nothing is impossible. Improbable. Unlikely. But never impossible.

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The REAL Superman

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Re: Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #27 on: May 18, 2007, 05:24:16 AM »
Okay. I think a person who can fly must enter this discussion.
Okay fact 1. Until now only me and my colleges have learned how to go against gravity. It's hard training but it is possible, really.
You are indeed right, gravity is only the will of god, so he can make us jealous on the bird and laughs with you pathetic beings being stuck on the floor.
The apple that fell on that mans head... can't recall his name, I slept during that lesson on the Superhero academy. It was actually flying around in the air BEFORE it fell on his head. God knew what was going to happen, he always does.
And now we created this believe around gravity, good that you saw the truth my pal.
If I am offline for more then 30 days, I died during my job for saving the world. Please do never forget me.

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Amroth

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Re: Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #28 on: May 18, 2007, 05:38:27 AM »
 ;D that made me chuckle
Nothing is impossible. Improbable. Unlikely. But never impossible.

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Raist

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Re: Gravity Does not Exist!
« Reply #29 on: May 18, 2007, 12:03:49 PM »
I can't believe that guy says a black hole is full of black. What an idiot. A hole is full of nothing, that's what makes it a hole.  ::)
Except in the case of a black hole, which is full of stuff.

I was kidding. And how would u know what a black hole is full of? no one has ever been there.