Jokes

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Jokes
« on: February 17, 2009, 01:55:44 AM »
Ok this is a thread for jokes.
Any time of jokes no matter what.
If you are going to post a racies or something that will upset others please post something like


*read at your own risk*
*racies joke*
etc
thanks


Now let the fun begin

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Parsifal

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2009, 01:57:40 AM »
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: You are a faggot, die in a fire.
I'm going to side with the white supremacists.

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Raist

  • The Elder Ones
  • 30590
  • The cat in the Matrix
Re: Jokes
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2009, 02:05:39 AM »
Why did the baby cross the road?

Because it was stapled to the chicken.



What's worse than 10 babies stapled to a tree?

1 baby stapled to ten trees.


Amidoinitright?

Re: Jokes
« Reply #3 on: February 17, 2009, 09:28:59 AM »
Why did the tachyon cross the road?

Because it was on the other side.
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

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Wendy

  • 18492
  • I laugh cus you fake
Re: Jokes
« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2009, 09:44:05 AM »
Why did the virtual particle cross the road?

It didn't.
Here's an explanation for ya. Lurk moar. Every single point you brought up has been posted, reposted, debated and debunked. There is a search function on this forum, and it is very easy to use.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #5 on: February 17, 2009, 01:27:23 PM »
Why did the virtual particle cross the road?

It didn't.
I don't get
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

*

Wendy

  • 18492
  • I laugh cus you fake
Re: Jokes
« Reply #6 on: February 17, 2009, 01:32:09 PM »
Virtual particles don't really exist, they just randomly pop up during infinitesimally small time periods in vacuums.
Here's an explanation for ya. Lurk moar. Every single point you brought up has been posted, reposted, debated and debunked. There is a search function on this forum, and it is very easy to use.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #7 on: February 17, 2009, 01:34:02 PM »
Virtual particles don't really exist, they just randomly pop up during infinitesimally small time periods in vacuums.
But they can exist for longer. Without them there would not be Hawking radiation
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

*

Wendy

  • 18492
  • I laugh cus you fake
Re: Jokes
« Reply #8 on: February 17, 2009, 01:39:15 PM »
Sorry, but my knowledge of quantum physics kind of ends there, so I have no idea what Hawking radiation actually is. But if you say that virtual particles can exist for long enough periods of time to actually do stuff, then I'll take your word for it. Also, has Hawking radiation been observed yet?
Here's an explanation for ya. Lurk moar. Every single point you brought up has been posted, reposted, debated and debunked. There is a search function on this forum, and it is very easy to use.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #9 on: February 17, 2009, 01:46:08 PM »
Hawking radiation is caused when a virtual particle forms near the event horizon of a black Hole every no and then one of them falls in and the other one stays out of the black hole. Now it gets a little confusing but as close as I can make out The one that leaves the event horizon has positive mass and the one that goes into it has negative mass lowering the mass of the black hole. It is how black holes will slowly disappear. It is named after Stephen Hawking Who came up with it
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

*

Sexual Harassment Panda

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #10 on: February 17, 2009, 01:56:29 PM »
Way to ruin the joke thread.
|^^^^^^^^^^^\||_____          
|     STFU          |||""'|"""\___            O
| ______________|||___|__|__|)          -|- 
  (@)@)""""""**|(@)(@)**|(@)          / \

New Flat Earth FAQ: http://theflatearthsociety.org/forum/index.php?topic=30512.0

Re: Jokes
« Reply #11 on: February 17, 2009, 02:03:57 PM »
A mathematician, scientist, and engineer are each asked: "Suppose we define a horse's tail to be a leg. How many legs does a horse have?" The mathematician answers "5"; the scientist "1"; and the engineer says "But you can't do that!
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #12 on: February 17, 2009, 04:43:11 PM »
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one" - Albert Einstein

Re: Jokes
« Reply #13 on: February 17, 2009, 04:52:03 PM »
One evening Rene Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, "Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?". Descartes replied, "I think not.", and promptly vanished. 
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #14 on: February 17, 2009, 04:54:32 PM »
One evening Rene Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, "Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?". Descartes replied, "I think not.", and promptly vanished. 

Ah man, I was gonna post that one.......

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one" - Albert Einstein

Re: Jokes
« Reply #15 on: February 17, 2009, 05:02:19 PM »
When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

?

Mykael

  • 4249
  • Professor of the Horrible Sciences
Re: Jokes
« Reply #16 on: February 17, 2009, 05:07:35 PM »
What did the fish saw when he swam into a wall?

"Dam."

Re: Jokes
« Reply #17 on: February 17, 2009, 05:15:31 PM »
Way to ruin the joke thread.

LOL This thread reads like a script for The Big Bang Theory.
This forum blows spunk bubbles out of its diseased, bleeding ass.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #18 on: February 17, 2009, 05:18:06 PM »
How many dead baby's does it take to paint a room?

Depends how hard you throw them.
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #19 on: February 17, 2009, 05:33:40 PM »
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?

Fucked.

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one" - Albert Einstein

Re: Jokes
« Reply #20 on: February 17, 2009, 05:40:54 PM »
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door?
Mat
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

*

markjo

  • Content Nazi
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Re: Jokes
« Reply #21 on: February 17, 2009, 07:28:28 PM »
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?

Art.


What do you call a woman with one leg propped up against a wall?

Eileen


What do you call an Japanese woman with one leg propped up against a wall?

Irene.
Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
Quote from: Robosteve
Besides, perhaps FET is a conspiracy too.
Quote from: bullhorn
It is just the way it is, you understanding it doesn't concern me.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #22 on: February 17, 2009, 07:58:30 PM »
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool

Bob
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #23 on: February 17, 2009, 08:11:00 PM »
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs under a car?

Jack

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one" - Albert Einstein

Re: Jokes
« Reply #24 on: February 17, 2009, 08:20:39 PM »
Whats red and sits in a corner? a baby chewing on a razer blade.
What is green and sits in the corner? same baby two weeks later.
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

*

markjo

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  • 42529
Re: Jokes
« Reply #25 on: February 17, 2009, 08:41:14 PM »
Why do they boil water when a baby is born?

If the baby dies, you can still make soup.
Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
Quote from: Robosteve
Besides, perhaps FET is a conspiracy too.
Quote from: bullhorn
It is just the way it is, you understanding it doesn't concern me.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #26 on: February 17, 2009, 08:53:13 PM »
How do you get 10 babies into a bowl?

With a blender

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one" - Albert Einstein

Re: Jokes
« Reply #27 on: February 17, 2009, 09:25:41 PM »
Cat Theorem:
A cat has nine tails.
Proof:
No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails. 
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.

Re: Jokes
« Reply #28 on: February 17, 2009, 09:47:52 PM »
Got math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]

lol

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one" - Albert Einstein

Re: Jokes
« Reply #29 on: February 17, 2009, 09:59:26 PM »
Salary Theorem
The less you know, the more you make.
Proof:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
And since Knowledge = Power and Time = Money
It is therefore true that Knowledge = Work / Money .
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done.
You can't outrun death forever
But you can sure make the old bastard work for it.