Jokes

Ahahahahahaha

 a guy was walking home one night when he gets a text from his girlfriend " thespacebuttononmyphoneisfaultywhenyougethomeineedanalternative" as he started running home he wondered what "ternative" was.

whats the worst thing about being a paedophile
You gotta go to bed so early

 what do dyslexic agnostic isomniacs worry about in the middle of the night?
is there a dog

Last night i swapped my wifes tampax with a party popper.

No sense of humour some people.

Q: How is a cheap hooker like a Pokemon trainer?
A: They both gotta catch 'em all!

OK, Ok, you guys, this is a joke I did myself last year to my maths teacher k

We were doing Mechanics and the teacher was like 'So everyone, F=ma ok'
And then he was like 'But this is only correct if there is acceleration'
So I was like, 'in that case, F=FA'

And everyone laughed

Why did they laugh?

Why did they laugh?

I laughed at this.

I am best joke-inverter

I forgot I can't remember the whole thing so there

A little boy is sitting in the living room with his grandpa. Grandpa is sipping on a glass of whiskey, so the little kid asks, "Grandpa, can I have a sip of that?" Grandpa looks at him and asks, "Well that depends, can your dick touch your ass?" The little kid says, "No," so Grandpa says, "Then no you cannot."

Then a little bit later grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asks, "Grandpa, can I try that?" Once again Grandpa asks, "Well that depends, can your dick touch your ass? The kid responds no again and Grandpa tells him he cannot.

A little bit later Grandma takes a big pan of fresh cookies out of the oven, and gives a plate of them to the little boy. The boy walks back into the living room when Grandpa sees the cookies and asks, "Well, can Grandpa have one of those?" The little kid looks at him and asks, "Well that depends, can your dick touch your ass?" The Grandpa looks proudly and say, "Why yes it can!" The kid looks back at him and says, "Good, then go fuck yourself!"

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked," Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bath." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

How many spastic children does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fuck knows, the first one smashed it on his forehead.

What's so great about sex with twenty-nine year olds?

There's twenty of them! 

Spanish Cucumber.

The most dangerous vegetable since Jordans son Harvey found the bread knife.

Twenty lines of php.  Ten tears of a n00b.  Equal parts roundy and flattie rage.  All mixed on a full moon.

Rise from the grave!  I command thee!

Here's a joke.  It's pretty stupid but I'm an old dad so it made me laugh:

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Look for the fresh prince.