Jokes

Cat Theorem:
A cat has nine tails.
Proof:
No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails. 

no cat has zero tails actually. Some cats have no tail also.

Whats red and sits in a corner? a baby chewing on a razer blade.
What is green and sits in the corner? same baby two weeks later.

I like dirty jokes but dude, What the Fuck?

For a real sweet time call C₆H₁₂O₆

For a real sweet time call C₆H₁₂O₆

I chuckled.

Quote from: markjo on February 18, 2009, 10:08:33 AM

For a real sweet time call C₆H₁₂O₆

I chuckled.

Not too many people get that one.

How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.  One to change it and one not to change it.

How do you get 10 babies into a bowl?

With a blender

How do you get them out?


Tortilla chips.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
A: To get to the other ... er, um ... 

Quote from: optimisticcynic on February 17, 2009, 09:25:41 PM

Cat Theorem:
A cat has nine tails.
Proof:
No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails. 

no cat has zero tails actually. Some cats have no tail also.

When I first use no cat I am saying there does not exist a cat with 8 tales this would be like saying no one has 8 arms

Quote from: Raist on February 18, 2009, 02:53:32 AM

Quote from: optimisticcynic on February 17, 2009, 09:25:41 PM

Cat Theorem:
A cat has nine tails.
Proof:
No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails. 

no cat has zero tails actually. Some cats have no tail also.

When I first use no cat I am saying there does not exist a cat with 8 tales this would be like saying no one has 8 arms

So you used a phrase with two different meanings? This makes your proof uncertain. Fail.

Salary Theorem
The less you know, the more you make.
Proof:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
And since Knowledge = Power and Time = Money
It is therefore true that Knowledge = Work / Money .
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done.

along the same line as this:

proof that women are evil

we all know that women take a lot of time and money to be happy so women = time X money
it often said time is money, so time = money
so women = money^2
the bible says money is the root of all evil so money = root of all evil
square both sides and you get money^2 = evil
therefore women = evil

This is a joke forum don't take it so seriously. Of course some words have different meanings in different part of the the joke. many joke do this. I wouldn't post it in the math forum.

This is a joke forum don't take it so seriously. Of course some words have different meanings in different part of the the joke. many joke do this. I wouldn't post it in the math forum.

The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell. (St. Augustine) 

A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake.  He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.  After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'  The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:                                           

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.             
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters....   'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake.  He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.  After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'  The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:                                           

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.             
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters....   'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.


A man meets a woman at a bar. he asks her if she wants to go to his car and fool around.
She says "Sorry, but I'm on my period".
The Man replies "thats okay"
So they're in his car when a police man knocks on his window and says "What are you doing?"
The Man licks his fingers and says "Eating Pizza!"

Quote from: markjo on February 18, 2009, 04:34:16 PM

A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake.  He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.  After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'  The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:                                           

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.             
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters....   'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.


A man meets a woman at a bar. he asks her if she wants to go to his car and fool around.
She says "Sorry, but I'm on my period".
The Man replies "thats okay"
So they're in his car when a police man knocks on his window and says "What are you doing?"
The Man licks his fingers and says "Eating Pizza!"

this is thread is called "Jokes" not "Personal Experiences"

Quote from: KingMan on February 18, 2009, 04:38:21 PM

Quote from: markjo on February 18, 2009, 04:34:16 PM

A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake.  He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.  After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'  The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:                                           

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.             
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters....   'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.


A man meets a woman at a bar. he asks her if she wants to go to his car and fool around.
She says "Sorry, but I'm on my period".
The Man replies "thats okay"
So they're in his car when a police man knocks on his window and says "What are you doing?"
The Man licks his fingers and says "Eating Pizza!"

this is thread is called "Jokes" not "Personal Experiences"

It's not a personal experience.

Quote from: markjo on February 18, 2009, 04:34:16 PM

A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake.  He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.  After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'  The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:                                           

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.             
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters....   'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.

For the sake of the joke, they do. 


Why did the blonde girl have a bruised belly button?
Her boyfriend is blonde too.

Quote from: soupnazi on February 18, 2009, 04:42:07 PM

Quote from: KingMan on February 18, 2009, 04:38:21 PM

Quote from: markjo on February 18, 2009, 04:34:16 PM

A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake.  He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.  After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'  The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:                                           

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.             
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters....   'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.


A man meets a woman at a bar. he asks her if she wants to go to his car and fool around.
She says "Sorry, but I'm on my period".
The Man replies "thats okay"
So they're in his car when a police man knocks on his window and says "What are you doing?"
The Man licks his fingers and says "Eating Pizza!"

this is thread is called "Jokes" not "Personal Experiences"

It's not a personal experience.

instead of saying he was eating pizza he could say he's a vampire

Quote from: KingMan on February 18, 2009, 04:38:21 PM

Quote from: markjo on February 18, 2009, 04:34:16 PM

A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake.  He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.  After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'  The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:                                           

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.             
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters....   'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.

For the sake of the joke, they do. 


Why did the blonde girl have a bruised belly button?
Her boyfriend is blonde too.

why? Men are Blond too.

Quote from: markjo on February 18, 2009, 07:26:51 PM

Quote from: KingMan on February 18, 2009, 04:38:21 PM

Quote from: markjo on February 18, 2009, 04:34:16 PM

A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake.  He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.  After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'  The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:                                           

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.             
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters....   'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.

For the sake of the joke, they do. 


Why did the blonde girl have a bruised belly button?
Her boyfriend is blonde too.

why? Men are Blond too.

Don't you get the joke? It was making fun of blond guys. Gosh, and to think someone made a joke for you.

Quote from: markjo on February 18, 2009, 07:26:51 PM

Quote from: KingMan on February 18, 2009, 04:38:21 PM

Quote from: markjo on February 18, 2009, 04:34:16 PM

A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake.  He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.  After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'  The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:                                           

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.             
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters....   'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.

For the sake of the joke, they do. 


Why did the blonde girl have a bruised belly button?
Her boyfriend is blonde too.

why? Men are Blond too.

i've never heard a male blond joke, and besides men are so much more intellectually superior than women that the joke wouldn't be funny at all if he said a blond man cause it couldn't possibly be true.  

Quote from: KingMan on February 18, 2009, 07:54:56 PM

Quote from: markjo on February 18, 2009, 07:26:51 PM

Quote from: KingMan on February 18, 2009, 04:38:21 PM

Quote from: markjo on February 18, 2009, 04:34:16 PM

A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake.  He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.  After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'  The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:                                           

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.             
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters....   'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.

For the sake of the joke, they do. 


Why did the blonde girl have a bruised belly button?
Her boyfriend is blonde too.

why? Men are Blond too.

i've never heard a male blond joke, and besides men are so much more intellectually superior than women that the joke wouldn't be funny at all if he said a blond man cause it couldn't possibly be true. 

Thanks for proving that blonde is not just a hair color.

instead of saying he was eating pizza he could say he's a vampire

A man meets a woman at a bar. he asks her if she wants to go to his car and fool around.
She says "Sorry, but I'm on my period".
The Man replies "thats okay"
So they're in his car when a police man knocks on his window and says "What are you doing?"
The Man licks his fingers and says "I'm a vampire!"

Quote from: soupnazi on February 18, 2009, 07:35:29 PM

instead of saying he was eating pizza he could say he's a vampire

A man meets a woman at a bar. he asks her if she wants to go to his car and fool around.
She says "Sorry, but I'm on my period".
The Man replies "thats okay"
So they're in his car when a police man knocks on his window and says "What are you doing?"
The Man licks his fingers and says "I'm a vampire!"

you stole my joke but that picture made me ROFL

Quote from: markjo on February 18, 2009, 04:34:16 PM

A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake.  He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.  After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'  The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:                                           

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.             
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters....   'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.

Most men aren't big enough faggots to care about blond jokes.

you stole my joke

Dude, fucking get older.

Quote from: KingMan on February 19, 2009, 06:24:17 AM

you stole my joke

Dude, fucking get older.

I am, but it's not really something you can hurry.

I am, but it's not really something you can hurry.

Then stop posting until you learn to properly comprehend what you read on here.

Quote from: KingMan on February 19, 2009, 06:29:50 AM

I am, but it's not really something you can hurry.

Then stop posting until you learn to properly comprehend what you read on here.

Robo, your drunk and in no condition to give advice.