what do you think of this?

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what do you think of this?
« on: May 09, 2006, 11:07:50 AM »
right i just wrote a short story for english, and i have to write another, the subject of my story is evil and i will post the one on good i have to write when i finish, i just want a couple of opinions.




Evil

The dull clashing of steel, as the beast moved through what many people once called home another road collapsed under the weight of evil upon it. The creature left footprints of molten flame in its wake tainting the sky to a dull grey, the thing was 16 feet tall, wherever it stepped tremors followed. The creature let out and almighty cry, another and another responded before long there were dozens of responses so great was the noise huge rents in the earths crust opened in what was once called London. There was a smash as a creature destroyed St. Paulís cathedral while the few remaining citizens fled away in terror.



thanks
-squeaker

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joffenz

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what do you think of this?
« Reply #1 on: May 09, 2006, 01:30:29 PM »
Needs a bit of tidying up...how about this:

"The dull clashing of steel sounded as the beast moved through what many people once called home. Another road collapsed under the weight of evil upon it. The creature left footprints of molten flame in its wake, tainting the sky to a dull grey. The thing was 16 feet tall,and wherever it stepped tremors followed. The creature let out an almighty cry, another and another responded before long there were dozens of responses - so great was the noise huge rents in the earths crust opened in what was once called London. There was a smash as a creature destroyed St. Paulís cathedral while the few remaining citizens fled in terror."

I've basically just changed the punctuation by adding in full stops, etc.

what do you think of this?
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2006, 11:08:34 AM »
thanks,
kind a ashme no one said it was crap, i am read to flip out on someone

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joffenz

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« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2006, 11:10:54 AM »
Quote from: "the grim squeaker"
kind a ashme no one said it was crap, i am read to flip out on someone


Angry rantings?  :D

what do you think of this?
« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2006, 11:40:11 AM »
yes, also GET YOUR ARSE ON XFIRE!

what do you think of this?
« Reply #5 on: May 11, 2006, 01:54:34 AM »
That was rather humorous how you were ashamed no one said it was crap.  As to the story itself, it sounds a bit apocalyptic.

  Do you believe in the real existence of dragons?  (I most definitely do.)

  Interesting as to the ease with which the beast smashed the cathedral.  I see an allied theme in much discourse and literature by others as well.  Perhaps, many people have a desire to express their exasperation and disdain for the ineffectiveness of modern churches.

  While it is not specifically about a beast or the apocalypse, you may perhaps find my post on demonology interesting, especially as I believe it is painful reality and much more intriguing than any fiction:

http://www.theflatearthsociety.org/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1653

  Maybe I should contrate more on these kinds of things than I have been on politics.

- Dionysios

what do you think of this?
« Reply #6 on: May 11, 2006, 10:23:26 AM »
okay then,
point the first: i was not asshamed just dissapointed, because i was really not happy and just in the mood to kill someone at the time

point the second: i would honestly like to belive in dragons, but i dont.

point the third: i chhose st pauls as it is a major landmark, that servived the Blitz and i want to give the feeling that this was worse than the Bltiz.

ill fin later i have to go now

what do you think of this?
« Reply #7 on: May 11, 2006, 11:05:47 AM »
In the mid-nineteenth century, Macaulay chose the same exact landmark in writing his famous prophecy of the fall of the British empire.

  Could you be convinced of the reality of dragons (and perhaps closely related things such as sea serpents) more easily than say flat earthism?  Belief in those is certainly far more common than flat earthism by a long shot

Ah, still interested in your comment on the other post in case you were interested.

- Dionysios

what do you think of this?
« Reply #8 on: May 11, 2006, 11:24:29 AM »
okay the i had no idea about the author you mentioned, yes i probably could, and i am on the other post now

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Cinlef

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what do you think of this?
« Reply #9 on: May 23, 2006, 05:37:37 PM »
Quote from: "Dionysios"
In the mid-nineteenth century, Macaulay chose the same exact landmark in writing his famous prophecy of the fall of the British empire.

  Could you be convinced of the reality of dragons (and perhaps closely related things such as sea serpents) more easily than say flat earthism?  Belief in those is certainly far more common than flat earthism by a long shot

Ah, still interested in your comment on the other post in case you were interested.

- Dionysios

I'd like three pieces of evidence for the existance of dragons (not Komoto dragons)
Three good pieces of evidence photos not admisable
Go ahead make my day
An enraged
Cinlef
Truth is great and will prevail-Thomas Jefferson

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Cinlef is the bestest!

Melior est sapientia quam vires-Wisdom

what do you think of this?
« Reply #10 on: May 25, 2006, 03:36:27 AM »
When I get the chance, I will initiate a new post under alternative science concerning the real existence of dragons.

  And I make the rules so this garbage about no photos is something I will not adhere to.  (If you delete photos I post, I will just simply walk away reguardless of how powerful my other evidence is.)

- Dionysios

what do you think of this?
« Reply #11 on: May 25, 2006, 01:14:12 PM »
the thing is, photos are easily doctorale, so photographic evidence when proving  a new species it is ignored

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Cinlef

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« Reply #12 on: May 25, 2006, 07:15:53 PM »
That was really the only reason I said no photos as Flat Earthers have taught me one thing only which is that photos are not convincing evidence in and of themselves.
An enraged
Cinlef
Truth is great and will prevail-Thomas Jefferson

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Cinlef is the bestest!

Melior est sapientia quam vires-Wisdom

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Erasmus

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what do you think of this?
« Reply #13 on: May 25, 2006, 08:47:36 PM »
I promise not to delete your photos unless they're really really annoying.  Please try to keep them smaller than the width of the post itself, and not animated.

-Erasmus
Why did the chicken cross the MŲbius strip?

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Dead Kangaroo

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Re: what do you think of this?
« Reply #14 on: December 05, 2008, 04:56:49 AM »
right i just wrote a short story for english, and i have to write another, the subject of my story is evil and i will post the one on good i have to write when i finish, i just want a couple of opinions.




Evil

The dull clashing of steel, as the beast moved through what many people once called home another road collapsed under the weight of evil upon it. The creature left footprints of molten flame in its wake tainting the sky to a dull grey, the thing was 16 feet tall, wherever it stepped tremors followed. The creature let out and almighty cry, another and another responded before long there were dozens of responses so great was the noise huge rents in the earths crust opened in what was once called London. There was a smash as a creature destroyed St. Paulís cathedral while the few remaining citizens fled away in terror.



thanks
-squeaker
It's shit, no go play with razor blades, faggot emo.

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ﮎingulaЯiτy

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Re: what do you think of this?
« Reply #15 on: December 05, 2008, 08:11:47 AM »
Resurrecting dead thread again are we?
If I was asked to imagine a perfect deity, I would never invent one that suffers from a multiple personality disorder. Christians get points for originality there.

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Dead Kangaroo

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Re: what do you think of this?
« Reply #16 on: December 06, 2008, 03:08:56 PM »
Resurrecting dead thread again are we?
As if I would.

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Saddam Hussein

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Re: what do you think of this?
« Reply #17 on: December 06, 2008, 03:13:53 PM »
Dionysios/17 November was a major troll.

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Wendy

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Re: what do you think of this?
« Reply #18 on: December 06, 2008, 04:25:03 PM »
I thought it was kinda good, but could have used a bit more proper language. Also, I would have totally made at least a two paper story. Otherwise, it's more like prose than an actual story.
Here's an explanation for ya. Lurk moar. Every single point you brought up has been posted, reposted, debated and debunked. There is a search function on this forum, and it is very easy to use.

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Sexual Harassment Panda

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Re: what do you think of this?
« Reply #19 on: December 06, 2008, 04:29:25 PM »
I thought it was kinda good, but could have used a bit more proper language. Also, I would have totally made at least a two paper story. Otherwise, it's more like prose than an actual story.
I would think that was only an intro.
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