This is probably why I expected I'll regret it.
My main problem is that you dismiss why gravity doesn't pull the planet together, or pull celestial objects down but still allows the moons to orbit the planets and the tides to work, is that there's no gravity. There's only the bending of spacetime due to the principles of GR. But there's no evidence for GR in a FE model. There's only an apparent force between objects, which we would attribute the name gravity to. there's a force pulling up the tides and holding moons around Jupiter in a FE model. There's no dent in spacetime for the tides to flow up, or the moons to follow.
Plent of other posts have come up whilst typing this, so I doubt this addresses everything. We shall see.