I wonder questions.

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Gamma

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I wonder questions.
« on: April 02, 2007, 07:19:03 PM »
NOTE: This came out of a random email to me and some of them are pretty obvious.

What do you call a female daddy long legs?
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
If a transport truck carrying a load of cars gets into a car accident, does it increase the number of the cars in the pile-up?
In France do people just ask for toast and get French toast? or do they have to ask for American toast?
Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?
Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?
If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, would someone else make a sound ?
Why are SOFTballs hard?
Do vampires get AIDS?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
Why are they called goose bumps? Do geese get people bumps?
Why is it that lime dishsoap is made with real limes, but lime juice is artificial flavoring?
If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be considered a bank robbery?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Why can magicians make things disappear into thin air, but not thick air?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?
What do people in China call their good plates?
Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
If feathers tickle people, do they tickle birds?
Does a postman deliver his own mail?
Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?
If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why doesn't a chicken egg taste like chicken?
Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?
Does peanut butter really have butter in it?
Do mimes watch silent movies?
Is the fear of flying groundless?
Why do people say "You scared the living daylights out of me" when daylight is not living?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up "there" anyway?
If somebody vanished without a trace, how do people know they are missing?
Why are boxing rings square?
Why is it called pineapple, when's there neither pine nor apple in it?
Why is it called eggplant, when there's no egg in it?
Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why do birds have white poop?
Can good looking Eskimo girls be called hot?
Why is an elevator still called an elevator even when its going down?
Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet.
If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
If you accidentally ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?
Do sore thumbs really stick out?
Why is it when your almost dead your on deaths doorstep, but when your actually dead your not in deaths house?
Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?
What's the opposite of opposite?
If Practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
Why are toe nail clippers bigger than finger nail clippers when your toe nails are smaller than your finger nails?
Is the opposite of "out of whack" "in whack"
If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
On the periodic table, why do some elements have symbols with letters that aren't even in the word?
Why is the blackboard green?
Why do they call it a black light when it's really purple?
Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?
What do you call male ballerinas?
How come the sun makes your skin darker but your hair lighter?
If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your feet first?
Why are pennies bigger than dimes?
Did they have antiques in the olden days?
Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?
Is a sleeping bag a nap sack?
What came first, the fruit or the color orange?
Where does the white go when the snow melts?
Can blind people see their dreams?
If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?
Have you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not torturing themselves? and if so, aren't we all masochist?
Why is it called lipstick when it always comes off?
If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?
« Last Edit: April 02, 2007, 07:21:07 PM by Gamma »

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Rick_James

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Re: I wonder questions.
« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2007, 08:14:47 PM »
Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?


Because the top speed of the car is not determined by the legal speed limit?

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quixotic

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Re: I wonder questions.
« Reply #2 on: April 02, 2007, 11:37:07 PM »
meh

Like...O M G ! ! ! He is, like, totally using the gun as like some kind of sexual weapon. O M G ! ! That is like, totally awesome! ! !

Re: I wonder questions.
« Reply #3 on: April 02, 2007, 11:54:40 PM »
Female daddy long legs are called Mommy short arms.
France does not believe in the concept of toast in general.
Vampires don't get AIDS, but they can get genital herpes.
The toasters burning your toast to a horrible crisp is just the first sign of the robot rebellion, the second sign is any error, glitch, or general problem with a windows computer.
French people don't have tongues so therefore they can't french kiss.
Rain drops and snow falls because rain has butter fingers and snow is clumsy.
The first person to squeeze the dangly things on a cow and drink what came out was Tom Cruise.
The professor on Gilligans Island can't fix a hole because he suffers from ED (Erectile Dysfunction)
Mimes watch movies with sound but they don't tell anyone cause they are naughty.
Birds have white poop because they are racist.
The best thing before sliced bread was Nicole Richie.
Why is it when your almost dead your on deaths doorstep, but when your actually dead your not in deaths house? Because its hard to knock on a door when your almost dead
Male Ballerinas are called homosexuals (TOTALLY KIDDING!!!)
Where does the white go when the snow melts? back to work where they can oppress the black man
Trix is only for kids because the silly rabbit is a pedophile
When cows freak out they have Mad Cow Disease... duh

(This whole post is filled with sarcasm and BS)
....About that....

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quixotic

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Re: I wonder questions.
« Reply #4 on: April 03, 2007, 12:07:32 AM »
LOL!!!!!!!! ;D

Like...O M G ! ! ! He is, like, totally using the gun as like some kind of sexual weapon. O M G ! ! That is like, totally awesome! ! !

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Midnight

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Re: I wonder questions.
« Reply #5 on: April 03, 2007, 01:12:53 AM »
Female daddy long legs are called Mommy short arms.
France does not believe in the concept of toast in general.
Vampires don't get AIDS, but they can get genital herpes.
The toasters burning your toast to a horrible crisp is just the first sign of the robot rebellion, the second sign is any error, glitch, or general problem with a windows computer.
French people don't have tongues so therefore they can't french kiss.
Rain drops and snow falls because rain has butter fingers and snow is clumsy.
The first person to squeeze the dangly things on a cow and drink what came out was Tom Cruise.
The professor on Gilligans Island can't fix a hole because he suffers from ED (Erectile Dysfunction)
Mimes watch movies with sound but they don't tell anyone cause they are naughty.
Birds have white poop because they are racist.
The best thing before sliced bread was Nicole Richie.
Why is it when your almost dead your on deaths doorstep, but when your actually dead your not in deaths house? Because its hard to knock on a door when your almost dead
Male Ballerinas are called homosexuals (TOTALLY KIDDING!!!)
Where does the white go when the snow melts? back to work where they can oppress the black man
Trix is only for kids because the silly rabbit is a pedophile
When cows freak out they have Mad Cow Disease... duh

(This whole post is filled with sarcasm and BS)

Woot!
My problem with his ideas is that it is a ridiculous thing.

Genius. PURE, undiluted genius.

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Dioptimus Drime

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Re: I wonder questions.
« Reply #6 on: April 03, 2007, 02:16:24 AM »
When cows freak out they have Mad Cow Disease... duh

Heyheyhey.

Why did they call it PMS?



Mad cow was already taken! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I dunno why I just thought of that...but that's a pretty funny joke to tell, especially in front of women...Just be out of range, and you'll be good.

~D-Draw

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cadmium_blimp

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Re: I wonder questions.
« Reply #7 on: April 03, 2007, 06:02:25 AM »
Being in range is the more fun and manly thing to do, of course.

Quote from: Commander Taggart
Never give up, never surrender!

Re: I wonder questions.
« Reply #8 on: April 03, 2007, 03:38:19 PM »
Now that you've got most of those sorted out, here's a few more for you:

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but duck when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

Why do you never hear father-in-law jokes?

If at first you don't succeed, why don't you try doing it like your mother told you to do it?

Why is there no mouse flavoured cat food?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
"I think chess is easy. There are only two things you have to remember. Don't use the St. Petersburg Gambit against the Brandonburg opening and the horsies go jumpy jump!" - Jimmy Carr

Re: I wonder questions.
« Reply #9 on: April 03, 2007, 08:11:01 PM »
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Because the batteries are just being lazy... so we hit them harder...
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Because they know your hiding it somewhere.... FULL CAVITY SEARCH!!!
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Because stars are hot
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Because they got in a fight
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Because they gotta save the dirty needles for the blood transfusions
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Cause the carpet matches the drapes
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but duck when you throw a revolver at him?
Because getting hit in the head hurts
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Cause they could die from a concussion
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
Someone with a good sense of humor
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Cause every group has its slackers
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Cause they are racist
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Yes, and when that day comes the world will end
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Because refrigerators are magical
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Cause it gives them a reason to keep the vacuum on longer thereby annoying everyone else with the loud noise
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?
Cause they hate you!!!
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
Same way Paris Hilton gets in the tabloids...by releasing a sex tape
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Cause you will get them later in the parking lot
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Cause Duodenum is fun to say (Dew-Wad-Num)
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
Cause I've got gas
Why do you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Cause they might hit you
If at first you don't succeed, why don't you try doing it like your mother told you to do it?
Cause she is a woman. TOTALLY KIDDING!!!
Why is there no mouse flavoured cat food?
Because then the cat would have no reason to go hunt down mice and drag them into the house
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Just to piss you off.
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Cause they were vegans
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
....Yes....
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Cause it has cancer
....About that....

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Dioptimus Drime

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Re: I wonder questions.
« Reply #10 on: April 03, 2007, 09:42:41 PM »
Being in range is the more fun and manly thing to do, of course.

Yeah, but it hurts. :(

~D-Draw