"He was a cool customer . . . until the law made it hot for him"

Here's a 'hypothetical' for you budding lawyers out there.  Here's what's up:

I push a full shopping cart through my local grocery store when I remember I need some cough drops to soothe my sickly feeble body.  These drops are on the exact opposite side of the store from me, so I decide to leave my cart among the produce while I get them.  I put them in my pocket on the long walk back to my cart (I was delusional or something; I had a fever of 104* that night (though I don't have proof of this...)).  I pay for groceries ($104 worth, shit!) and forget about cough drops in pocket.  Leave store; get busted for shoplifting.  No one believes that it was unintentional and say I look "suspicious" and "too nonchalant" (HAHA, wtf?).  While I am waiting, they comment on getting a "two-for-[one]" when they see some "suspicious" old woman with bags from another store.  Cop wants to take me to jail for $4 box of drops, but is baffled by my $100 worth of groceries he would have to take into custody with me, so he lets me go with a court date.  He asks why an engineer at an international manufacturing company would need to steal anything.  I say "I didn't mean to" and he scoffs. 

The max fine is $250 but I would rather pay the $4 and get my fucking cough drops.  Does anyone have any advice (besides making fun of me) for representing myself? 

That's kind of fucking ridiculous...I would just tell them your story. Tell them that you paid for over $100-worth of shit already, and you would assume that they'd be like, "Okay. Yeah, sure. Makes sense." Well, you would think. You pay with a credit card I assume? I would think that would make it even more clear that it was a mistake. Don't know what else there would be to do...I mean, I think the fact that you paid for a ton of stuff already would make it look far, far more plausible that it was an accident.

~D-Draw

Out of curiosity, how did they get you anyways?

Thief!

Wow, that hypothetical situation is really jacked up.  Good thing it didn't really happen!!

Out of curiosity, how did they get you anyways?

They showed me a 20-camera motion video sequence of me from the moment I picked up the cough drops until I left the store.  They have some unbelievably sophisticated shit, man!  Apparently it automatically tracks people from camera to camera throughout the store.  I saw a 60-channel DVR on the shelf along with some  black boxes with a few lights and cooling fans.  There were two joysticks with a million buttons.  It was the peeping perverts' paradise. 

Wow, that hypothetical situation is really jacked up.  Good thing it didn't really happen!!

Of course . . .  I made it all up.   

That's kind of fucking ridiculous...I would just tell them your story. Tell them that you paid for over $100-worth of shit already, and you would assume that they'd be like, "Okay. Yeah, sure. Makes sense." Well, you would think. You pay with a credit card I assume? I would think that would make it even more clear that it was a mistake. Don't know what else there would be to do...I mean, I think the fact that you paid for a ton of stuff already would make it look far, far more plausible that it was an accident.

Yeah, that's basically what I was intending to say.  I just hope I won't need a lawyer. 

Sounds like they're baldheaded-bearded-dude profiling.

Meh. I wouldn't get a lawyer for this shit. It would probably cost you MORE than the fine would actually cost in the end. I would just represent yourself, because it seems like it's pretty low-key seeing as it's just a very small shoplifting charge. Also, for comfort, I would tend to believe that if it was only a $4 item that you "stole," even if the charge you with it, it would be a smaller fine because you didn't pick up like...anything ridiculously important or expensive.

~D-Draw

If you were a woman, the cop would've let you go easily. I promise.