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Cloning Jesus from stale bread

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midgard

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Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« on: February 19, 2007, 10:23:01 AM »
Recently I was talking to my girlfriend about Catholicism and I discovered that when a Catholic partakes in Mass and has the bread and wine they actually believe that the bread and wine become the body and blood of Christ (bloody canibals).

Does this mean that if I go to Mass and take the bread and wine, keep it in my mouth until I get home and then spit it out that I can extract Jesus's DNA from it???
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EvilToothpaste

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Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2007, 10:58:10 AM »
Quote from: "midgard"
Recently I was talking to my girlfriend about Catholicism and I discovered that when a Catholic partakes in Mass and has the bread and wine they actually believe that the bread and wine become the body and blood of Christ (bloody canibals).

Does this mean that if I go to Mass and take the bread and wine, keep it in my mouth until I get home and then spit it out that I can extract Jesus's DNA from it???

I think you're on to something here.  You should publish.  

However, are you willing to truly believe it is the body and blood of Christ?  If not, then your experiment is null.
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midgard

  • 1300
Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2007, 11:04:42 AM »
Quote from: "EvilToothpaste"
Quote from: "midgard"
Recently I was talking to my girlfriend about Catholicism and I discovered that when a Catholic partakes in Mass and has the bread and wine they actually believe that the bread and wine become the body and blood of Christ (bloody canibals).

Does this mean that if I go to Mass and take the bread and wine, keep it in my mouth until I get home and then spit it out that I can extract Jesus's DNA from it???

I think you're on to something here.  You should publish.  

However, are you willing to truly believe it is the body and blood of Christ?  If not, then your experiment is null.


What if I got a Catholic to do it? What's the Pope up to these days...
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EvilToothpaste

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Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2007, 11:13:04 AM »
I used to be Catholic; wish I could help.  I think it would be sacrilegious to regurgitate the body of Christ, though, and is grounds for excommunication.  

In case you wanted to know, Christ tastes like cardboard and cheap wine.  I think he's a hobo.
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Miss M.

  • 1854
  • Screw you.
Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #4 on: February 19, 2007, 12:19:43 PM »
but if you got the dna from the 'bread/body' using keyhole surgery, the catholic wouldn't be doing anything wholly sacriligious! :D
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EvilToothpaste

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Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #5 on: February 19, 2007, 12:44:40 PM »
Don't be so sure Maus. Every sperm is sacred, and every Christ-wafer should be left to the mercy of one entire digestive tract.

Wait, what is keyhole surgery?
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Miss M.

  • 1854
  • Screw you.
Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #6 on: February 19, 2007, 01:00:45 PM »
Surgery that isn't really invasive. They make three small wholes, stick in three sticks. One controls the camera to show what's going on inside, the other two for the scalpul or scissers of sucktion or whatever. They could simply extract the dna without....

wait, maybe they'd have to remove the bread. Nah, they can manage with a crumb. I'm sure it isn't against the law to regurgitate(sp) a crumb!
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Quote from: TheEngineer
I happen to like GG.
Quote from: Z, the Enlightened.
I never thought in my life I'd write the sentence "I thought they were caught in a bipolar geodesic?"
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EvilToothpaste

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  • The Reverse Engineer
Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #7 on: February 19, 2007, 01:05:44 PM »
Or maybe the DNA could be extracted while inside the person.  Then jesus can be cloned and placed in this persons uterus.  All from inside!
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Miss M.

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  • Screw you.
Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #8 on: February 19, 2007, 01:08:03 PM »
:o talk about time saving!

Although, you can only be under anasthetic for so long....





maybe I should have been a doctor..too late now. Ah well
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Quote from: TheEngineer
I happen to like GG.
Quote from: Z, the Enlightened.
I never thought in my life I'd write the sentence "I thought they were caught in a bipolar geodesic?"
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midgard

  • 1300
Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #9 on: February 20, 2007, 03:22:02 AM »
Sweet - anybody know how to contact the Pope so we can let him know the brilliant plan? If we pray to God to let the Pope know that should work shouldn't it? Can God be used as a switchboard? That'd save on phone bills.
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Tao of Pooh

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Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #10 on: February 20, 2007, 03:44:22 AM »
You don't really think anything like that could really, really work...do you?  ::)

Don't you realize that your DNA would get all muddled up in Jesus's?

(jesus's...jesus'...jesuses...jujube's...what is the correct possessive form?  ???)
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midgard

  • 1300
Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #11 on: February 20, 2007, 04:33:48 AM »
Are you suggesting we could create jesus hybrids???

This just gets better and better. God send a message to the Pope!!!
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Tao of Pooh

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Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #12 on: February 20, 2007, 04:42:58 AM »
I think hybrids would be the obvious outcome of the experiment you suggest. I don't think there's any way to get a pure sample of Jesus's DNA outta someone else's mouth/stomach. I bet even CSI couldn't do it!
« Last Edit: February 20, 2007, 05:47:27 AM by Tao of Pooh »
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midgard

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Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #13 on: February 20, 2007, 05:38:48 AM »
I've got a really bad feeling it'd just turn into something that was half human and half bread - nobody could love that... unless it was sun dried tomato pull apart loaf then it'd be delicious.
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Tao of Pooh

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Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #14 on: February 20, 2007, 05:48:02 AM »
Quote from: theonlydann on February 20, 2007, 05:04:55 AM
Quote from: Tao of Pooh on February 20, 2007, 04:42:58 AM
I think hybrids would be the obvious outcome of the experinet you suggest. I don't think there's any way to get a pure sample of Jesus's DNA outta someone else's mouth/stomach. I bet even CSI couldn't do it!

Uhm. I could just goto church... and when they put the bread in my hand, i could run to Pooh's car, which would be waiting outside... then we could drive off to Midgards lab, all bonnie and clyde style.
Do you have a midget we can use?
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Tao of Pooh

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  • I owe it all to good, clean living.
Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #15 on: February 20, 2007, 05:50:13 AM »
Quote from: midgard on February 20, 2007, 05:38:48 AM
I've got a really bad feeling it'd just turn into something that was half human and half bread - nobody could love that... unless it was sun dried tomato pull apart loaf then it'd be delicious.
Where would you get the tomato DNA from?
Hmm, if you drank the wine then you could get grape DNA in the mix...purple people pumpernickle pitabread?
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Tao of Pooh

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  • I owe it all to good, clean living.
Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #16 on: February 20, 2007, 06:00:59 AM »
Quote from: theonlydann on February 20, 2007, 05:51:50 AM
Quote from: Tao of Pooh on February 20, 2007, 05:48:02 AM
Quote from: theonlydann on February 20, 2007, 05:04:55 AM
Quote from: Tao of Pooh on February 20, 2007, 04:42:58 AM
I think hybrids would be the obvious outcome of the experinet you suggest. I don't think there's any way to get a pure sample of Jesus's DNA outta someone else's mouth/stomach. I bet even CSI couldn't do it!

Uhm. I could just goto church... and when they put the bread in my hand, i could run to Pooh's car, which would be waiting outside... then we could drive off to Midgards lab, all bonnie and clyde style.
Do you have a midget we can use?

Midgets frighten me with their odd fingers and their odd toes.
(everybody sing)
"Short people got no reason...
short people got no reason...
short people got no reason to live."
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midgard

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Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #17 on: February 20, 2007, 06:01:53 AM »
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Tao of Pooh

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Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #18 on: February 20, 2007, 06:09:53 AM »
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Miss M.

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  • Screw you.
Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #19 on: February 20, 2007, 06:17:03 AM »
Quote from: midgard on February 20, 2007, 05:38:48 AM
I've got a really bad feeling it'd just turn into something that was half human and half bread - nobody could love that... unless it was sun dried tomato pull apart loaf then it'd be delicious.
*drools*

I want a sundried jesus now. :-\
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Quote from: TheEngineer
I happen to like GG.
Quote from: Z, the Enlightened.
I never thought in my life I'd write the sentence "I thought they were caught in a bipolar geodesic?"
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midgard

  • 1300
Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #20 on: February 20, 2007, 06:19:48 AM »
I'd just like to say well done on your signature. You have good taste - Natalie Imbruglia is hot.
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Tao of Pooh

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Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #21 on: February 20, 2007, 07:06:12 AM »
Quote from: midgard on February 20, 2007, 06:19:48 AM
I'd just like to say well done on your signature. You have good taste - Natalie Imbruglia is hot.
" class="bbc_link" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Torn
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midgard

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Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #22 on: February 20, 2007, 07:08:52 AM »
 ??? Where's the laughing face?
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Tao of Pooh

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Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #23 on: February 20, 2007, 07:10:19 AM »
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Tao of Pooh

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Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #24 on: February 20, 2007, 07:11:39 AM »
Quote from: midgard on February 20, 2007, 07:08:52 AM
??? Where's the laughing face?
Yeah, we need to riot to get more/better smilies!!
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midgard

  • 1300
Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #25 on: February 20, 2007, 07:14:32 AM »


Will that do?
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Wraithglow

Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #26 on: February 20, 2007, 08:59:20 AM »
Quote from: theonlydann on February 20, 2007, 07:31:34 AM
Smirnoff is NOT beer dammit. Poor baby.

indeed, not even getting a real beer...

By the way, has anybody considered if we really WANT a cloned jesus walking amongst us?

What would a hybrid's Judgement Day be like?
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midgard

  • 1300
Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #27 on: February 20, 2007, 09:13:39 AM »
I think in a hybrid's judgement day the four horsemen would be different for starters. You'd probably end up having White, Brown, Wholemeal and Five Grain. I think I could devour any of them.
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EvilToothpaste

  • 2461
  • The Reverse Engineer
Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #28 on: February 20, 2007, 09:32:58 AM »
He would probably end up just a man with a yeast infection. 
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midgard

  • 1300
Re: Cloning Jesus from stale bread
« Reply #29 on: February 20, 2007, 09:38:00 AM »
Hmmm... thrush.

Can you make vegemite from thrush?
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