My Problems with Torus Earth Theory

I can't figure out how it possibly works. Where are the poles? Where is the equator? Are there two equators? How do you even define latitude and longitude on a torus?

Well it pretty obviously isn't true, but you could define latitude and longitude pretty naturally.  A torus is made of two circles, the big circle, and the small circle.  The small circle traces out the torus when it's centre is moved around the big circle (I say small and big because if the sizes were the other way around it verrry obviously wouldn't be true).  The longitude of a point is the angle subtended by the point coplanar with the big circle and on the surface of the torus that is closest to the point you care about, the centre of the big circle, and an arbitrary point that is coplanar with the big circle and on the surface of the torus.  The latitude is the angle subtended by the point, the centre of the small circle that the point is on, and the intersection between the small circle the point is on and the big circle.  I'll draw a paint diagram and post in a bit.

http://imgur.com/eguHYMd That turned out kind of confusing but hopefully it makes sense.  Notice that in this system both latitude and longitude have 360 degrees worth of values.  Also notice that the case where the big circles radius = 0 you get a sphere, and if you cut out half the latitudes to get rid of repeats the you get the system we use on our not purely hypothetical Earth.