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The Lounge / A death in two parts: Part one, "thank you"
« on: June 27, 2017, 02:57:45 AM »
(Part two is me bitching about the cost of funerals)
This is a rough draft
About 5 years ago my sister called me tell me that our mother was going to have heart surgery to have a pacemaker installed. People were worried but treating it as though it were a fairly routine operation. Which is true.
But I saw it differently. You see our grandparents had passed around after long battles with strokes and heart disease. The day I got that news sometimes during the day. At night, my girlfriend and I were watching a movie. After it was done she turned and looked at me. “Why is your face wet? Have you been crying?” It took me off guard since I wasn’t aware I was crying. So I explained to her that even though this is routine I felt it in my heart that this was the beginning of the end. That every word we exchange is precious.
During this time my girlfriend(who I would describe as the woman who loves me the second most in the world) and I got married and had two beautiful children. We live in a different part of the country but still we made sure that my family could come up every now and then and share in our joy. We bought them a house which was a vast improvement over the borderline safety violation of a trailer they were living in before.
During the Summer of 2016 our daughter Lilly was born. Kyra had a bad anxiety disorder which made it difficult to travel. So Helda was kind enough to get them up to Salt Lake to visit. Mom met Lilly. We went to th Zoo. Had a barbecue at the park. Then it was time for them to leave to go back to Vegas. This would be the last time I ever talked to my in person.
Six months later: We’re moving into our new house. Very busy day so I didn’t immediately notice the flurry of messages I was getting. When things slowed down and I finally started reading these messages it felt unreal. Like I was in a nightmare. My mother was having a stroke and they would have to operate on her as soon as possible. My sister put her on the phone. I put her on speaker phone. I tried to get my small children to say hi. The conversation was cut short. I didn’t say “I love you”, she knows damn well that I love her.
That would be the last time I spoke to my mother in this life.
The surgery seemed to go well but she just never quite woke up. My sister and father spent time with her every day. I visited several times. Things just kept seeming worse and worse. Two months in I started trying to let go of her. On June 23, 2017 they decided to put her into hospice care. I can’t fault this decision. I took the family down so that I could be with her when she died which happened the next day in the afternoon.
I’ve never lost someone important to me before I didn’t know how I would handle it. I expected grief, sadness maybe some depression. I’m sure I’m going to be processing this for a long time but I have to say that the emotion I feel the most right now is gratitude. Like at the end of a great song you’re glad you heard it. Don’t misunderstand me. I am sad. I miss my mom. I’m not a believer in an afterlife but I hope I get to see her again somebody. I hope she’s passed from this paradise to the next. But if I could pick just one more thing to say to my mother it would be “thank you”.
This is a rough draft
About 5 years ago my sister called me tell me that our mother was going to have heart surgery to have a pacemaker installed. People were worried but treating it as though it were a fairly routine operation. Which is true.
But I saw it differently. You see our grandparents had passed around after long battles with strokes and heart disease. The day I got that news sometimes during the day. At night, my girlfriend and I were watching a movie. After it was done she turned and looked at me. “Why is your face wet? Have you been crying?” It took me off guard since I wasn’t aware I was crying. So I explained to her that even though this is routine I felt it in my heart that this was the beginning of the end. That every word we exchange is precious.
During this time my girlfriend(who I would describe as the woman who loves me the second most in the world) and I got married and had two beautiful children. We live in a different part of the country but still we made sure that my family could come up every now and then and share in our joy. We bought them a house which was a vast improvement over the borderline safety violation of a trailer they were living in before.
During the Summer of 2016 our daughter Lilly was born. Kyra had a bad anxiety disorder which made it difficult to travel. So Helda was kind enough to get them up to Salt Lake to visit. Mom met Lilly. We went to th Zoo. Had a barbecue at the park. Then it was time for them to leave to go back to Vegas. This would be the last time I ever talked to my in person.
Six months later: We’re moving into our new house. Very busy day so I didn’t immediately notice the flurry of messages I was getting. When things slowed down and I finally started reading these messages it felt unreal. Like I was in a nightmare. My mother was having a stroke and they would have to operate on her as soon as possible. My sister put her on the phone. I put her on speaker phone. I tried to get my small children to say hi. The conversation was cut short. I didn’t say “I love you”, she knows damn well that I love her.
That would be the last time I spoke to my mother in this life.
The surgery seemed to go well but she just never quite woke up. My sister and father spent time with her every day. I visited several times. Things just kept seeming worse and worse. Two months in I started trying to let go of her. On June 23, 2017 they decided to put her into hospice care. I can’t fault this decision. I took the family down so that I could be with her when she died which happened the next day in the afternoon.
I’ve never lost someone important to me before I didn’t know how I would handle it. I expected grief, sadness maybe some depression. I’m sure I’m going to be processing this for a long time but I have to say that the emotion I feel the most right now is gratitude. Like at the end of a great song you’re glad you heard it. Don’t misunderstand me. I am sad. I miss my mom. I’m not a believer in an afterlife but I hope I get to see her again somebody. I hope she’s passed from this paradise to the next. But if I could pick just one more thing to say to my mother it would be “thank you”.
