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Topics - Crouton

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1
Arts & Entertainment / Cobra Kai...
« on: November 24, 2020, 01:30:41 AM »
Is pretty freaking good.

That is all.

2
Arts & Entertainment / What is sadness? (RIP Alex Trebek)
« on: November 08, 2020, 11:11:26 AM »
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/08/arts/television/alex-trebek-dead.html

Seems so sudden.  I thought he was doing well.  I'm hearing rumors about getting Ken Jennings to host Jeopardy.

3
The Lounge / Idea
« on: November 02, 2020, 01:34:18 AM »
I have this idea that I think might be fun. I'm also pretty intoxicated so take that with a grain of mustard.

So the 2020 election is coming up and I assume we're all watching it?

What if we hosted a zoom party or something. We could hang out and show dicks to each othrt, it's a Jeffrey tubin thing.

Just a tgoigfgrb0

4
Arts & Entertainment / Botat 2
« on: October 26, 2020, 01:00:17 AM »

Is hilarious so far.

I'm laughing at a movie alone. {I wcant convince Mrs cruton to watch it with me and Mrs Crouton will not allow me to show it to the kids.

Mrs cruton is a nazi.

Also they mentioned the flat earth!

5
So I'm trying to expland my tasts beyond beef.  I bought a bottle of Mclellands Soctch Whiskee.  I thought it has "scotch" like butterScotch in the mname , How bad could bit could? 

Pretty bad.  I would have to describe the taste as something that could be very good at stripping paint.

Is it supposed to taste and smell like paint thiner?   

Are there any trips to drinking this stuff?  Chasers?  Just shooting it to get the pain over. Inverted recto consumption?  Feeding it to the kids?  Should I use a "gateway drink" such as wd-40 blasted in a tin cup and shooting that to prepare myself for drinking scotch?

This all stated by trying to find the most efficient beer, beer that will give you the most alcohol for the least calories.

Sciee has proben that this beer is, and hold your laugter, I can feel your beer snobbery,



Obviously I'm trying to do better, hence the foray into the hard stuff.

6


It's like the White Fragility of environmentalism.  I almost wonder if Michael Moore got tricked into making this by the Koch brothers.  I'm 30 minutes in and it's all bad arguments to attack renewable energy.

7
The Lounge / A fell wind is upon us.
« on: September 08, 2020, 10:02:04 PM »
https://www.ksl.com/article/50014988/windstorm-updates-at-least-1-fatality-reported-some-schools-districts-cancel-wednesday-classes

80mph and in some places 100mph winds.  Fucking hurricane level winds in Utah!  Most of Salt Lake out of power.  They don't expect to restore it until Thursday.  I imagine there is nary a generator to be found in the state.  I have a truck hooked up to a high current true sine wave inverter powering the fridges, charging the laptops, using my phone for my network connection, just like the pioneers of old.

8
The Lounge / Help me Bom Tishop, you're my only hope
« on: September 06, 2020, 11:52:08 PM »
Bom, I think you're one of the few people here who can understand this dilemma.

Let's go back in time for a minute.  Pre 911.  I just buy an m5(not really an m5, just the closes approximation)

Mrs. Crouton buys a used Toyota Corolla, way back before she even knew me.

Fast forward past the twin towers falling, trillions in stupid wars, An Obama presidency and straight into the Trump years.

Baby 3 appears and neither of our cars can legally carry our entire family.

We buy a minivan(don't laugh, they're actually pretty freaking sweet for family bullshit).  The celica spends a lot of time just sitting in the garage.

Fast forward 2 years until closer to today.  My now almost 20 year old cars fails catastrophically. I start driving the corolla, which despite it's years is still solid transportation, for the time being.

Now here's the dilemma.  I have a giant, throbbing, unrelenting hardon for a Tesla Model S, which, Mr. tishop, I don't have to remind you is an electric super car that can stomp most corvettes in a drag race.  The model s costs money.  A shitload of money.  So much money in fact that I'm having a crisis of guilt about buying one of these.  Suppose Covid gets worse.  Someone I know loses his job.  He's in danger of losing everything.  I couldn't help but think that if I deferred getting that expensive when I have transportation that's perfectly adequate then I would be in a better position to bail out this hypothetical person.

Bom, since you're the only other person that I'm aware that's spent about that much money on a car I'm curious to know your thoughts on the matter.

12
The Lounge / I am a pillar of sorrow!
« on: August 09, 2020, 11:49:26 PM »
Don't worry. Nobody dies in this story.  Well that's not true but the people dying aren't the point.

The week started off great.  Vacation at the lake.  But then an uncle on my wife's side dies.  Then his wive dies like 2 days later.  Then my friend's father in Vegas dies.  Left the lake house a little early to make it to the funeral.  I had choice about his to get there.  I chose the most irresponsible, my 20 year old sports car. 

The trip to Vegas went well.  The trip back did not.  Half way through the power train suffered a catastrophic failure.  The transmission died.  Along with the cooling system.  Probably the cylinder heads.  This is in addition to a long overdue timing belt change, a failing steering rack, an airbag recall(something about shooting me in the face with metal shards in the event of an accident), a randomly freezing srs system.  The car has a blue book of like $400. In short if this cant' be fixed with duct tape then I'm going to sell it to the junkyard.

Now I'm stuck in Beaver Utah waiting to get a professional's opinion but I'm pretty sure he's not going to be able to fix it with duct tape.

I am now very irritated at the inconvenience of this all.  I'm having these strange emotions.  It's been around so long and I've taken apart and reassembled it so many times that I have this surprisingly emotional connection to it now.  It's like being forced to shoot my dog.

13
The Lounge / I have very sad news. Rabinoz has passed away.
« on: August 02, 2020, 09:46:05 PM »
His son reached out to a few of the members he was messaging with.  Just shocking news.

He was a true giant of this forum.   His contribution to the discussion was immense.  He was brilliant, kind and decent man who lived a very long and very interesting life and we are diminished by his loss.

sic transit gloria mundi

:(

18
On Parler, for $20,000.

https://www.politico.com/news/2020/07/06/trump-parler-rules-349434

Parler needs a diversity of voices for legitimacy.  They're sort of so MAGA heavy right now that even the MAGA heads are sick of it.  I can think of no better way uphold this diversity that spamming Parler non-stop with the Wisdom of people such as Wise and Sandokhan.

19
Arts & Entertainment / White Fragility
« on: July 06, 2020, 12:50:18 PM »
We appear to have a vergence in the Force.  A book that both the far right and far left are clowning like mad.







I really hope they make a movie out of it.  They make it sound amazing.

21
The Lounge / The adventure of my sister in law, the Marvelous Mrs M.
« on: June 14, 2020, 12:46:21 AM »
Pardon my pmisspeclliing,  A litl high and drunkr ight now.

preampl:
On a long enough timeline, trajecdy wil always striek a gain,I'll becuase honest, I just wrote that I really don't know wat tI meant.

So.  short short version.  Once upon a time I had a sister in law named M.  She seemed normal enough, had her own family, everything was great.  Hone day though she had backpain and the doctors prescribed her, I don't know the names of the painkiller.  Let's just say thorium.  It herlps the apin.  The long term damager will soon becaome apparently.  Her family would leaave her.  Family and Friends would turn their back because she's a talally penguin.

Arrested for a while then bailed on white privilige.  She meets an nice drug dealer.  They hit it off fast, immediately actually.   M is about to become a mommy again and at the exciting age of 43!  Did I mentioned these of these people had happens? That's going to be a nimnportant point later on. 

22
Suggestions & Concerns / MOVED: New admins
« on: June 03, 2020, 09:35:34 AM »

24
Hi,

My name is Crouton and I have lousy taste in music.  Mrs. Crouton, a wonderful woman in most ways, also has lousy taste in music. 

Most of the time the lousiness of our music has very little overlap.  But sometimes, much like a coronavirus jumping from a bat to a pig to a human, we introducing shitty music to each like that we both like.

One example would be Sia.  She(?) performs a song called Snowman which Google Music tells me I've listened to 779 times.

The most recent is Kesha.  I've been blasting her latest album from my minivan and lying to people and tell them that my daughter demanded it.

I wonder... if I became a Christian could He absolve me of these sins?

Do not judge me for I believe that each and everyone one of you also enjoys deeply embarrassing music!

26
The Lounge / Is this a problem anyone else runs into?
« on: May 11, 2020, 05:01:07 PM »
There is a very specific type of telemarketers that keep contacting me,  real estate investors.  I own a few houses in Las Vegas.  In Nevada real estate transactions are a matter of very public record.  It would seem that a sort of scammers have zeroed in on that. 

When the market is hot I get around 4 or 5 calls a week from total strangers asking to buy one of my houses.  This has been going on for years.  It's to the point that I just ignore calls from the 702 area code.  I don't deal with cold callers.  It seems insane that anyone would so I don't know why they think persistence would change things.

Things I have tried:

Hanging up.  Always a classic.

Picking up but not answering.  Interestingly If I don't say anything then neither will they and they just hang up after about 10 seconds.  If there were a crazy person trying to intimidate me by calling me and never saying anything then I honestly wouldn't have any idea that's happening.  I would assume this murderer is probably trying to buy my house.

Breathing heavily.   They will occasionally still run their sales pitch.

I've tried arguing with the caller and aggressively questioning their life choices which brought them into this line of work.  It's very hard to get them to break from their script.

A few times they've tried to buy a house that I no longer own.  I of course enthusiastically agreed to that but I never heard back from them.

Once I told them I had the coronavirus and that I would love to sell the house but they have to meet me in person.  I got a confused response, something like "we'll call back when you don't have the coronavirus".

Here's my current strategy.  This is interesting, to me anyways.  They call up and say "I represent a local investor... blah blah blah".  Then I ask "what's the name of your investor?"  And they immediately hang up.  Every single time.  It's like a magic spell or something that makes this particular telemarketer vanish.

27
Arts & Entertainment / Old School Fairy Tales
« on: April 28, 2020, 11:53:00 PM »
So my wife got my 4 year old daughter a book of fairy tales for her birthday.  These are the classics in their original form more or less.  I have not read these in quite some time.  Some of them are... well they vary wildly.

The Ugly Duckling.  I don't know what the point of this is.  Are we supposed to lie to ugly kids and tell them they'll be beautiful when they grow up?

The Little Red Hen.  Good message.  Take that you communists!

Jack and the Beanstalk.  Now we're getting kind of weird.  Jack trades a cow for beans.  Jack climbs the beanstalk and robs some guy for money.  When he's out of money he goes back and robs him even harder.  Then he returns for a third time and robs him really for no discernible reason.  Adrenaline maybe?  Everything Jack does is the exactly wrong choice in this story.

Hansel and Gretel.  A shitty step mom is forcing her deadbeat husband with a loser job to abandon their kids in the forest.  Then there's an old crazy lady in the forest who attacks them, and okay she's not a goddamn witch.  Witches have powers.  The only power this feckless penguin demonstrated in this tale was to get tricked being oven fuel by small children.

This has been my favorite so far.  Just the look of shock and confusion on these kids faces.  I especially liked leading an analysis with them asking them what they thought the moral of the story was.  We came to an understanding that the moral of the story was to always push old women who were moderately suspicious into ovens.

28
The Lounge / So I have a secret smoke machine...
« on: April 14, 2020, 05:02:20 PM »
It's secret because my family doesn't know about it.  My plan is to hide it somewhere in the house and put it on a timer to flood the house with fake smoke at around maybe 4am.  And then I'll see what happens.

I really don't know why I do some of the things that I do.

29
The Lounge / Coronovirus Roll call
« on: March 23, 2020, 12:36:01 AM »
How's everyone doing in our dystopian future?

This is I think day eight since we're in a soft lock down.  I'm in a fortunate spot in most way.  My job isn't in danger.  I can work from home.  And my home happens to be a grotesque mcMansion.  I"m stuck listening to my wife lose her mind at her children because they're going nuts staying home all day long.

Despite all this there's something... menacing in the air.  It's hard to explain.  It sort of feels like English civilians hunkering down for an air raid from the germans.  Except it's viruses and a damaged society instead of nazis.

Yesterday I went to an ihop for takeout(don't ask, my kids wanted it).  Tumblweeds.  Two people there handling the order.  I ask where is everyone.  She tells me they've all been laid off.  I gave her a tip equal to the amount of the meal.

Well that my situation.  Solid, no one vulnerable but bearing the weight of a menacing unknown on my mind at all times.

Though I do havll skype video meetings tomorrow most of the day.  And... okay I don't know how to convince any of you that I'm not suicidial.  But through these meetings I keep fantasizing about killing myself. The process goes like "Oh my God, this other guy just explained this!  There's no reason to be here.  But I can't leave.  And the boredom is causing me physical pain.

Well... I can always just kill myself.  And then my shoulder slump and I relax because there's always the cowards way out of meetings.  Friends and family might judge me harshly, if they've never been to a 9 hour meeting over skype.

How is everyone else doing?

30
The Lounge / We need to talk about Dr Who (come at me Jane!)
« on: February 27, 2020, 12:46:51 AM »
I have done something deceptive for the greater good

So... This new female doctor who is just bad.  Wait wait! Before you call me a sexist hear me out.

I watch this show with my wife on a regular basis.  For the last two seasons she has been just giving me looks.  And I've been avoiding discussion the series.  I think we have both come to the conclusion that this is bad.  New episodes are stacking up in the DVR and we awkwardly scroll past them when we're finding something to watch.  On a scale of 1 to 10, my level of fear is about a 6 that should say "hey let's watch some of those new episodes."

My deception for the greater good is, Um, I've just deleted the recordings and removed it from the schedule.  At least I think it's for the greater good.  We don't discuss this.  It's possible that she likes it.  In which case this is a giant miscalculation.

My central critique of this show is two things.

1.  The companions are terrible.  I don't know how many there are.  I don't know why they're there.  These companions are in very stark contrast to every other companion where they put in an extreme amount of story justifying why a human would travel around with a stranger.

2. Jodi Whittakeris not a good choice for this character.  There's a few traits between regenerations of the doctors that are usually common.  He's a terrifying god like creature.  He wears this goofy persona as a mask to hide his true nature.  The feel I get from Jodi Whittaker is that If I were the companion she's volunteer to clear the toilets.  That's the best way I can sum it up.

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