The Flat Earth Society

Flat Earth Discussion Boards => Flat Earth Q&A => Topic started by: Dr Smith pHD PPE Oxon on March 22, 2007, 04:46:19 AM

Title: better jokes man!!
Post by: Dr Smith pHD PPE Oxon on March 22, 2007, 04:46:19 AM
What do you call 2 dead manchester united fans?



Holly and jessica



by nazi

Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Mr. Ireland on March 22, 2007, 05:34:34 AM
I don't get that one.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Dr Smith pHD PPE Oxon on March 22, 2007, 03:39:20 PM
How many Jews does it take to change a shower head?




6 Million.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Midnight on March 22, 2007, 03:44:56 PM
How many posts in a day does it take to Make GG believe in themselves?







































































Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Dr Smith pHD PPE Oxon on March 22, 2007, 03:52:42 PM
Is it because you stick your finger up your ass to stimulate your dick. WHAT?
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Midnight on March 22, 2007, 03:54:04 PM
 :-*
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Miss M. on March 22, 2007, 03:56:00 PM
hey gayer: what do you call a chav that goes to Cambridge Uni?




the janitor.





my friend brings that one up whenever he can lol.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Dr Smith pHD PPE Oxon on March 22, 2007, 03:59:44 PM
So does your mum.. AWWWWWW BARE BEEF DAWG
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Midnight on March 22, 2007, 04:01:59 PM
The pills need a refill.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: unclegravy on March 22, 2007, 04:21:57 PM
A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch."
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Midnight on March 22, 2007, 04:27:08 PM
pain.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 23, 2007, 03:33:09 AM
hey gayer: what do you call a chav that goes to Cambridge Uni?




the janitor.





my friend brings that one up whenever he can lol.

Hah brilliant!
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Dr Smith pHD PPE Oxon on March 23, 2007, 06:01:39 AM
Hey, General Gayer, it was not a funny joke, uncle gravy is a penguin and is blatently a jew. And my nazi friend will gas you and uncle gravy if a joke of this shit calibre is made again.

have i made myself clear to you, you lipstick sodden, salty, sweaty, forever seeping, crustaceous, anal crumb ole.


Thank you and have a nice day x x x x   :)
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 23, 2007, 06:06:08 AM
Love you too misspelt general
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: unclegravy on March 23, 2007, 06:42:22 AM
Hey, General Gayer, it was not a funny joke, uncle gravy is a penguin and is blatently a jew. And my nazi friend will gas you and uncle gravy if a joke of this shit calibre is made again.

have i made myself clear to you, you lipstick sodden, salty, sweaty, forever seeping, crustaceous, anal crumb ole.


Thank you and have a nice day x x x x   :)
What, someone found something offensive about my joke? How the hell, how the hell, seriously, how the hell.

How the hell?
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Dr Smith pHD PPE Oxon on March 26, 2007, 04:20:51 AM
shut up you stupid penguin
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 04:22:11 AM
I love you misspelt me  :-*
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: unclegravy on March 26, 2007, 05:17:28 AM
shut up you stupid penguin
Well, DUH, is there a smart penguin? Pffffft, what an idiotic moron...
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 05:19:02 AM
shut up you stupid penguin
Well, DUH, is there a smart penguin? Pffffft, what an idiotic moron...

I've seen smart ones. They can do tricks and everything.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: unclegravy on March 26, 2007, 05:21:42 AM
Mine can't.
What do you feed these things to be smart anyway?
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 05:29:57 AM
Its not so much what you feed them as what you shouldnt feed them
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 05:30:28 AM
Your is positively starving I hear.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 05:34:14 AM
Your is positively starving I hear.

Won't be if I say yes to the proposition earlier
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 05:38:36 AM
Maybe if it really happened..:P
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 05:39:48 AM
Don't make me video it for proof!
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 05:42:52 AM
That's the only way I'll believe it..guess you'll have to now.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 05:43:25 AM
Erm I dunno if he'd be up for that..
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 05:45:04 AM
What happened anyway?
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 05:47:15 AM
I went to the till and the bloke on the till said that we should get together when we both have some free time for a quick shag
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 05:49:22 AM
As you do.

Maybe you've got a reputation..
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 05:52:20 AM
I dont have a reputation!

Nah that guy is always saying that to me. He just wont quit.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 05:56:28 AM
Welly uo could always....you know..
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 05:58:33 AM
Beat him unconscious and get Zombie Dave to rape him?
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 05:59:14 AM
Yeah that or...well you're desperate and he is so you should just, like, go with the flow.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 06:00:57 AM
I'm not that desparate!

Plus there is the fact that he has a girlfriend so shouldn't be doing what he does....
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 06:06:13 AM
I reckon he's just taking the piss tbh
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 06:07:06 AM
I'd reckon that as well if it wasn't for the time ages ago when we both got drunk
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 06:14:30 AM
:O
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 06:15:42 AM
Erm..

back to jokes

I've just come into some money. I got my dick caught in a cash register.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 06:17:04 AM
No I think we all want to hear about the time you got drunk. Don't we everyone?
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Miss M. on March 26, 2007, 06:18:36 AM
err we do?


Why don't I tell a joke?
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 06:20:50 AM
Yes we do. Jokes inbetween.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 06:21:33 AM
Er...tell us a joke Maus
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 06:23:26 AM
You're no fun at all.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Miss M. on March 26, 2007, 06:29:28 AM
lol.

OK...errm jokes...hm.

Ooh there was a fire in the white house library. Fortunately only two books were lost says a spokesman. "The president is heart broken. It appears he hadn't finished colouring in the second one"



And another one is:

In the future, George Bush randomly died, and he went zoom, straight to hell. The Devil met him there, and looking at his list he said "well, you're definately supposed to be here, but see, we're a bit over run. Tell you what, you choose your punishment and then I'll send the person already doing it to heaven. How's that sound?"
The President thought about it and said yes.

They walked through the halls of hell, and in the first room found Dick Cheney(sp) diving into a pool over and over again in order to retrieve something, but forever coming up empty handed. George considered this and said "I can't really swim that well, I guess I'll pass this one".

Next they went into another room, where Homer Simpson was eating an eternity of doughnuts. George said "I en't so keen on those things, so I'll pass."

In the third room however was Bill Clinton chained to the ground, groaning in agony and pleasure as Monica Zewelski(sp whatever her name is) was doing what she does best. George took in the expression on Bill's face, and smiled. He turned to the devil and said "I think I can handle this sir." The devil grinned and said "o.k then. Monica, you're free to go."
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 06:33:06 AM
Hahah last one wins
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 06:35:11 AM
Haha
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Miss M. on March 26, 2007, 06:35:58 AM
 ;D

Teh mauster has done it again.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 06:43:26 AM
Three recently deceased men are waiting at the Gate's of Heaven.

The first man approaches and stands before St Peter who says
"So you want to enter the Kingdom of Heaven? Okay I see you have led a good and honest life. You never once lied to or cheated on your wife. I will let you pass and I shall grant you this Golden Rolls Royce in which to traverse the Heavens".

And with that the man speeds into Heaven in his Golden Rolls.

The second man approaches.

"Hmm, says St Peter, I see you have tried to lead an honest life and for the most part you have. You did cheat on your wife that once though so even though I'll let you in, you must travel across Heaven in this Ford Mondeo".

The man slowly drives into Heaven in his old Mondeo.

The third man approaches nervously.

"Hmm, what shall i do with you?" Says St Peter.
"Although you have tried your very best, it seems you have not been as honest as you could have been. You cheated on your wife three times! Having said that you have been a good man in other respects especially your charity work so I will let you in. However you must get around Heaven on this Moped"

The man was relieved and set off on his puny 25cc Moped.

Some time later the third man was riding around and saw the first man sitting on a cloud crying his eyes out.

"hey why are you crying? You've led a great life and now you're in Heaven. Not only that but you are the envy of most men here in your immacualte Golden Rolls Royce. Look at this pathetic moped I've got! you should be happy! So come on tell me why you're crying!!"

"Well" the man replied.

"I've just seen my wife on a skateboard"
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 06:45:29 AM
Hahahahha thats brilliant!

I gotta go to my seminar now :( dunno if I'll be back cos I really need to focus on my essay today
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 06:49:13 AM
About time you did some work slacker
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 06:49:58 AM
You ought to go do something as well Kasroa instead of wasting another day here!

Bye bye my LOVElies  :-*
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 06:50:45 AM
I'm off work I'll do what I want!
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 08:26:58 AM
Lazy git!
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 08:31:35 AM
Okay I know it may SEEM like I've been on all this time but I've only just come back on!
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 08:36:51 AM
Suuuuure I believe you...
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 08:39:42 AM
Would I lie to you baby, would I lie to you?
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 08:41:38 AM
Yes you probably would.

Does about 20 words count as a suitable amount of work for about an hour?
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 08:42:48 AM
Yes that's more than enough. I used to be doing well if I had 5.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 08:47:25 AM
Excellent. Got to go to work soon anyway :(
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 08:49:28 AM
Oh noes! I r don't like being on me own :(
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 08:53:22 AM
Get over it. I'll only be gone 3 hours..
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 08:54:15 AM
I'll get over you alright. Just lay still.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 08:55:30 AM
You are a dirty bastard. I've just had enough of that when I went for another coffee an hour ago...
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 08:56:53 AM
You pay for coffee with sex?
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 08:59:35 AM
Erm no, of course not. I just have to listen to some yabber on about the benefits of anal sex
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 09:02:14 AM
Hahaha, Well at least now I don't have to so we can just get straight to it next time.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 09:05:23 AM
Bah!

Hope you have fun here without me! >:(
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Kasroa Is Gone on March 26, 2007, 09:06:05 AM
Can't you 'phone in sick and come to Liverpool instead? Only takes a couple of hours on train.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Colonel Gaydafi on March 26, 2007, 09:08:56 AM
Hah! Not a chance!

I gots to go now so buh byeeee
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Miss M. on March 27, 2007, 06:27:05 AM
Three nuns (a good nun a pretty good nun, and a bad nun) die and are
standing in front of the gates of heaven and there they meet St. Peter.
St. Peter looks at the first one and says, "You have been a good
nun all your life but there are rules, and to pass into heaven
you must be able to answer my question. Since you were good nun all
your life the question I have for you will be an easy one. Here is my
question: Who was the first man?"

The nun just smiles and says, "By the glory of God, The Lord created
Adam to be the father of the human race."

Bells start ringing and the gates fly open. The first nun passes through.

St. Peter then directs his attention at the pretty good nun. He
says to her "Since you have been a pretty good nun all your life
I will ask you an easy question. My question to you is: Who
was the first woman?"

The nun just smiles and says "By The Lord's wisdom, The Father created
Eve from Adam's rib."

Bells start ringing and the gates fly open. The second nun passes through.

The bad nun knowing she's in trouble tries to sneak into heaven
while the gates are open but the gates slam in her face. St Peter
Looked over at her and said "I'm sorry but to get into heaven you
must first answer my question. To you I will ask a hard question
for you have not been a good nun but if you really think about it
you should be able to get it. My question to you is: What was the
first thing that Eve said to Adam?"

The nun shakes here head and thinks for a while. Then she looks up at
St. Peter shakes her head some more and says, "Boy, that's a hard one."

and bells start ringing ...
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Midnight on March 27, 2007, 06:33:12 AM
panties.
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Miss M. on March 27, 2007, 06:40:54 AM
pfft. It was funny when Dawn French did it...
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Dr Smith pHD PPE Oxon on March 30, 2007, 02:48:10 AM
it was funny when ure mum did it! dowg
Title: Re: better jokes man!!
Post by: Wendy on March 30, 2007, 03:02:31 AM
So a guy walks into a target...





































And gets shot. By a nice affordable selection of goods.