Why did the virtual particle cross the road?I don't get
It didn't.
Virtual particles don't really exist, they just randomly pop up during infinitesimally small time periods in vacuums.But they can exist for longer. Without them there would not be Hawking radiation
One evening Rene Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, "Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?". Descartes replied, "I think not.", and promptly vanished.
Way to ruin the joke thread.
Cat Theorem:
A cat has nine tails.
Proof:
No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails.
Whats red and sits in a corner? a baby chewing on a razer blade.I like dirty jokes but dude, What the Fuck?
What is green and sits in the corner? same baby two weeks later.
For a real sweet time call C6H12O6
For a real sweet time call C6H12O6
I chuckled.
How do you get 10 babies into a bowl?
With a blender
When I first use no cat I am saying there does not exist a cat with 8 tales this would be like saying no one has 8 armsCat Theorem:
A cat has nine tails.
Proof:
No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails.
no cat has zero tails actually. Some cats have no tail also.
When I first use no cat I am saying there does not exist a cat with 8 tales this would be like saying no one has 8 armsCat Theorem:
A cat has nine tails.
Proof:
No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails.
no cat has zero tails actually. Some cats have no tail also.
Salary Theoremalong the same line as this:
The less you know, the more you make.
Proof:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
And since Knowledge = Power and Time = Money
It is therefore true that Knowledge = Work / Money .
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done.
This is a joke forum don't take it so seriously. Of course some words have different meanings in different part of the the joke. many joke do this. I wouldn't post it in the math forum.::)
A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.
1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters.... 'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
this is thread is called "Jokes" not "Personal Experiences"A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.
1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters.... 'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
A man meets a woman at a bar. he asks her if she wants to go to his car and fool around.
She says "Sorry, but I'm on my period".
The Man replies "thats okay"
So they're in his car when a police man knocks on his window and says "What are you doing?"
The Man licks his fingers and says "Eating Pizza!"
It's not a personal experience. ???this is thread is called "Jokes" not "Personal Experiences"A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.
1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters.... 'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
A man meets a woman at a bar. he asks her if she wants to go to his car and fool around.
She says "Sorry, but I'm on my period".
The Man replies "thats okay"
So they're in his car when a police man knocks on his window and says "What are you doing?"
The Man licks his fingers and says "Eating Pizza!"
A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.
1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters.... 'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
instead of saying he was eating pizza he could say he's a vampireIt's not a personal experience. ???this is thread is called "Jokes" not "Personal Experiences"A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.
1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters.... 'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
A man meets a woman at a bar. he asks her if she wants to go to his car and fool around.
She says "Sorry, but I'm on my period".
The Man replies "thats okay"
So they're in his car when a police man knocks on his window and says "What are you doing?"
The Man licks his fingers and says "Eating Pizza!"
why? Men are Blond too.A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.
1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters.... 'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
For the sake of the joke, they do. ::)
Why did the blonde girl have a bruised belly button?
Her boyfriend is blonde too.
why? Men are Blond too.A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.
1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters.... 'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
For the sake of the joke, they do. ::)
Why did the blonde girl have a bruised belly button?
Her boyfriend is blonde too.
i've never heard a male blond joke, and besides men are so much more intellectually superior than women that the joke wouldn't be funny at all if he said a blond man cause it couldn't possibly be true.why? Men are Blond too.A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.
1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters.... 'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
For the sake of the joke, they do. ::)
Why did the blonde girl have a bruised belly button?
Her boyfriend is blonde too.
i've never heard a male blond joke, and besides men are so much more intellectually superior than women that the joke wouldn't be funny at all if he said a blond man cause it couldn't possibly be true.why? Men are Blond too.A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.
1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters.... 'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
For the sake of the joke, they do. ::)
Why did the blonde girl have a bruised belly button?
Her boyfriend is blonde too.
instead of saying he was eating pizza he could say he's a vampire
you stole my joke but that picture made me ROFLinstead of saying he was eating pizza he could say he's a vampire
A man meets a woman at a bar. he asks her if she wants to go to his car and fool around.
She says "Sorry, but I'm on my period".
The Man replies "thats okay"
So they're in his car when a police man knocks on his window and says "What are you doing?"
The Man licks his fingers and says "I'm a vampire!"
(http://www.slapyo.com/wp-content/wrong01.jpg)
A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:You messed it up. they don't all have to be women you know.
1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters.... 'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
you stole my joke
you stole my joke
Dude, fucking get older.
I am, but it's not really something you can hurry.
I am, but it's not really something you can hurry.
Then stop posting until you learn to properly comprehend what you read on here.
Robo, your drunk and in no condition to give advice.
Robo, your drunk and in no condition to give advice.
My drunk is in perfectly good condition to give advice, thanks.
Robo, your drunk and in no condition to give advice.
My drunk is in perfectly good condition to give advice, thanks.
Just proof of what I said.
He was making a point about your grammar.
It still was horrible. I'm just too lazy to hit the " ' " key.Robo, your drunk and in no condition to give advice.
My drunk is in perfectly good condition to give advice, thanks.
Just proof of what I said.
He was making a point about your grammar.
It still was horrible. I'm just too lazy to hit the " ' " key.
Y'our? Yo'ur? You'r? Where doth this apostrophe go, sire?It still was horrible. I'm just too lazy to hit the " ' " key.Robo, your drunk and in no condition to give advice.
My drunk is in perfectly good condition to give advice, thanks.
Just proof of what I said.
He was making a point about your grammar.
Well I'm not.It still was horrible. I'm just too lazy to hit the " ' " key.
I wish you were too lazy to hit the "Post" button.
KingMan's opinyons must b herd! Christfaggotry has never had such a valiant defense!Well I'm not.It still was horrible. I'm just too lazy to hit the " ' " key.
I wish you were too lazy to hit the "Post" button.
Finally, I get the recognition I deserve.KingMan's opinyons must b herd! Christfaggotry has never had such a valiant defense!Well I'm not.It still was horrible. I'm just too lazy to hit the " ' " key.
I wish you were too lazy to hit the "Post" button.
Y'our? Yo'ur? You'r? Where doth this apostrophe go, sire?It still was horrible. I'm just too lazy to hit the " ' " key.Robo, your drunk and in no condition to give advice.
My drunk is in perfectly good condition to give advice, thanks.
Just proof of what I said.
He was making a point about your grammar.
see, this version is much funnierinstead of saying he was eating pizza he could say he's a vampire
A man meets a woman at a bar. he asks her if she wants to go to his car and fool around.
She says "Sorry, but I'm on my period".
The Man replies "thats okay"
So they're in his car when a police man knocks on his window and says "What are you doing?"
The Man licks his fingers and says "I'm a vampire!"
(http://www.slapyo.com/wp-content/wrong01.jpg)
see, this version is much funnier
Y'our? Yo'ur? You'r? Where doth this apostrophe go, sire?It still was horrible. I'm just too lazy to hit the " ' " key.Robo, your drunk and in no condition to give advice.
My drunk is in perfectly good condition to give advice, thanks.
Just proof of what I said.
He was making a point about your grammar.
for i a second there i thought i cared then i remembered i didnt, i feel better nowsee, this version is much funnier
For somebody whose name is a Seinfeld reference, your sense of humour really sucks.
for i a second there i thought i cared then i remembered i didnt, i feel better now
You was just insulted over the internet and you don't care!? Oh, lawd!for i a second there i thought i cared then i remembered i didnt, i feel better nowsee, this version is much funnier
For somebody whose name is a Seinfeld reference, your sense of humour really sucks.
ok but only cause you asked nicelyfor i a second there i thought i cared then i remembered i didnt, i feel better now
Make up your fucking mind, faggot.
well since its over the internet no i dont really care, i guess i could get mad and act tough and insult him back, but acting tough on the internet is pretty gay.You was just insulted over the internet and you don't care!? Oh, lawd!for i a second there i thought i cared then i remembered i didnt, i feel better nowsee, this version is much funnier
For somebody whose name is a Seinfeld reference, your sense of humour really sucks.
well since its over the internet no i dont really care, i guess i could get mad and act tough and insult him back, but acting tough on the internet is pretty gay.
You're insane.well since its over the internet no i dont really care, i guess i could get mad and act tough and insult him back, but acting tough on the internet is pretty gay.You was just insulted over the internet and you don't care!? Oh, lawd!for i a second there i thought i cared then i remembered i didnt, i feel better nowsee, this version is much funnier
For somebody whose name is a Seinfeld reference, your sense of humour really sucks.
Robostevewell since its over the internet no i dont really care, i guess i could get mad and act tough and insult him back, but acting tough on the internet is pretty gay.
Please provide a source which indicates a correlation between homosexuality and a tendency to act tough when using the internet.
it is possibleYou're insane.well since its over the internet no i dont really care, i guess i could get mad and act tough and insult him back, but acting tough on the internet is pretty gay.You was just insulted over the internet and you don't care!? Oh, lawd!for i a second there i thought i cared then i remembered i didnt, i feel better nowsee, this version is much funnier
For somebody whose name is a Seinfeld reference, your sense of humour really sucks.
Robostevewell since its over the internet no i dont really care, i guess i could get mad and act tough and insult him back, but acting tough on the internet is pretty gay.
Please provide a source which indicates a correlation between homosexuality and a tendency to act tough when using the internet.
A mathematician, scientist, and engineer are each asked: "Suppose we define a horse's tail to be a leg. How many legs does a horse have?" The mathematician answers "5"; the scientist "1"; and the engineer says "But you can't do that!You already posted that. Get some new material, dammit!
What's green and red and goes 300 miles per hour?(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_mB_VSYEyi6c/SB9ZukyFPBI/AAAAAAAAAJs/uYp6wiN5PyE/s400/iron-man-site-tony-stark.jpg)
Frog in a blender.
Robostevewell since its over the internet no i dont really care, i guess i could get mad and act tough and insult him back, but acting tough on the internet is pretty gay.
Please provide a source which indicates a correlation between homosexuality and a tendency to act tough when using the internet.
(http://web.mit.edu/ryangray/Public/Gnus/thumbs_up.jpg)
you multiplied by zero silly.wondering if anyone would catch that.
What is the difference between American beer and having sexual intercourse in a canoe ?
Men do rule the world.QFT
A man rushes his very pregnant wife into the emergency room and says "My wife is in labor!" A doctor comes in and says "Not to worry sir, wait up in the sitting room and we will take care of everything". So the man goes up to the 5th floor maternity ward and sits in the waiting room. After a couple of hours the doctor comes in and says "Sir, It's a boy. But the most amazing thing has happened. As soon as he was born he began to fly about the room." The man is in utter shock. The doctor holding his newborn baby says "Here, watch" and throws the baby up into the air. The baby falls immediately to the floor. The man gasps "Hey, you fuck, what the hell are you doing?!?" The doctor picks the baby up and says "I'm not sure what happened there" and chucks the baby up into the air again. Again the baby falls straight to the ground with a thud. The man totally out of his mind, screams "Hey dickwad, what the fuck are you doing?!?" The doctor picks the baby up once more and says "I just don't understand it." At this point the doctor walks over to the window, opens it and throws the baby out. The man rushes over and stands beside the doctor watching the baby fall 5 stories down to the ground. Just as the man is turning to the doctor to choke the ever loving shit out of him, the doctor grabs him by the shoulders smiling and says "Don't worry sir, he was stillborn."I would have probably killed the doctor. If not dead, he'd be in his own ICU for months.
here's a joke................. ROUND EARTH!\
OLOLOLOLOOLOL
sigh
A man rushes his very pregnant wife into the emergency room and says "My wife is in labor!"
This Robosteve post has been brought to you by the Soceity For The Proper Usage of "U".A man rushes his very pregnant wife into the emergency room and says "My wife is in labor!"
1. There are no degrees of pregnancy. One is either pregnant or not pregnant.
2. It is spelled "labour".
That is all.
A man rushes his very pregnant wife into the emergency room and says "My wife is in labor!"
1. There are no degrees of pregnancy. One is either pregnant or not pregnant.
2. It is spelled "labour".
That is all.
la⋅bor [ley-ber]
noun
1. productive activity, esp. for the sake of economic gain.
2. the body of persons engaged in such activity, esp. those working for wages.
3. this body of persons considered as a class (distinguished from management and capital ).
4. physical or mental work, esp. of a hard or fatiguing kind; toil.
5. a job or task done or to be done.
6. the physical effort and periodic uterine contractions of childbirth.
7. the interval from the onset of these contractions to childbirth.
learn2english fucktard.
la⋅bor [ley-ber]
noun
1. productive activity, esp. for the sake of economic gain.
2. the body of persons engaged in such activity, esp. those working for wages.
3. this body of persons considered as a class (distinguished from management and capital ).
4. physical or mental work, esp. of a hard or fatiguing kind; toil.
5. a job or task done or to be done.
6. the physical effort and periodic uterine contractions of childbirth.
7. the interval from the onset of these contractions to childbirth.
Labour:L2English, fucktard.
Noun
1. productive work, esp. physical work done for wages
2. the people involved in this, as opposed to management
3. the final stage of pregnancy, leading to childbirth
4. difficult work or a difficult job
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/labour (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/labour)
la⋅bor [ley-ber]
noun
1. productive activity, esp. for the sake of economic gain.
2. the body of persons engaged in such activity, esp. those working for wages.
3. this body of persons considered as a class (distinguished from management and capital ).
4. physical or mental work, esp. of a hard or fatiguing kind; toil.
5. a job or task done or to be done.
6. the physical effort and periodic uterine contractions of childbirth.
7. the interval from the onset of these contractions to childbirth.
learn2english fucktard.
Please don't call that butchered crap you speak "English". Call it "American" if you will, but it's not English.
*cough cough*
10 out of 10 people understand binary.
Edit: Who wants to hear a joke?
Women's rights
Statistically the number of children you have is the same number your parents had. Therefore if your parents didn't have children chances are you won't either.
Please don't call that butchered crap you speak "English". Call it "American" if you will, but it's not English.Just like they spoke English in Shakespearean times? :D
Majority wins though.Please don't call that butchered crap you speak "English". Call it "American" if you will, but it's not English.Just like they spoke English in Shakespearean times? :D
New trends are emerging.
Language is evolving.
Your old English is obsolete! (http://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff101/Yiak/evil.gif)
Just like they spoke English in Shakespearean times? :D
New trends are emerging.
Language is evolving.
Your old English is obsolete! (http://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff101/Yiak/evil.gif)
la⋅bor [ley-ber]
noun
1. productive activity, esp. for the sake of economic gain.
2. the body of persons engaged in such activity, esp. those working for wages.
3. this body of persons considered as a class (distinguished from management and capital ).
4. physical or mental work, esp. of a hard or fatiguing kind; toil.
5. a job or task done or to be done.
6. the physical effort and periodic uterine contractions of childbirth.
7. the interval from the onset of these contractions to childbirth.
learn2english fucktard.
Please don't call that butchered crap you speak "English". Call it "American" if you will, but it's not English.
Hw?t! We Gardena in geardagum,
?eodcyninga, ?rym gefrunon,
hu ?a ??elingas ellen fremedon.
Oft Scyld Scefing scea?ena ?reatum,
5
monegum m?g?um, meodosetla ofteah,
egsode eorlas. Sy??an ?rest wear?
feasceaft funden, he ??s frofre gebad,
weox under wolcnum, weor?myndum ?ah,
o???t him ?ghwylc ?ara ymbsittendra
This is english. Don't call that bastardized shit english, maybe frenglish is a more apt name.
Majority wins though.:-X
Except that most of the world still speaks English. When you can claim that more than a handful of countries speak your butchered shit, come back and try to argue that the language is "evolving".Way to remove simplicity from Proleg's post.
could we start posting jokes again.Is that a threat? DO IT! :D
if you keep this up I will post more math jokes.
Just like they spoke English in Shakespearean times? :D
New trends are emerging.
Language is evolving.
Your old English is obsolete! (http://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff101/Yiak/evil.gif)
Except that most of the world still speaks English. When you can claim that more than a handful of countries speak your butchered shit, come back and try to argue that the language is "evolving".
He meant that more people speak English than Amerikkkan.Actually, more people speak Mandarin than English. http://www.krysstal.com/spoken.htmlJust like they spoke English in Shakespearean times? :DExcept that most of the world still speaks English. When you can claim that more than a handful of countries speak your butchered shit, come back and try to argue that the language is "evolving".
New trends are emerging.
Language is evolving.
Your old English is obsolete! (http://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff101/Yiak/evil.gif)
Actually, more people speak Mandarin than English. http://www.krysstal.com/spoken.html
There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand trinary, those who dont, and those who mistake it for binary.*cough cough*
10 out of 10 people understand binary.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who do not.
Actually, more people speak Mandarin than English. http://www.krysstal.com/spoken.html
I obviously meant of those countries which speak English-based languages, dumbass.
There are 3 kinds of people in the world. Those that can count and those that can't.There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand trinary, those who dont, and those who mistake it for binary.*cough cough*
10 out of 10 people understand binary.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who do not.
There are 2 kinds of people in this world.That makes you the 2nd kind, right? :P
Normal people.
And then you lot who make rubbish jokes that aren't funny >:(
The world is divided into two classes:
people who say "The world is divided into two classes",
and people who say: The world is divided into two classes:
people who say: "The world is divided into two classes",
and people who say: The world is divided into two classes:
people who say ...
(http://www.planet-familyguy.com/pfg/images/characters/sarah_bennett_tn.jpg)
Are you guys telling jokes? I loove jokes.
There are 2 kinds of people in this world.That makes you the 2nd kind, right? :P
Normal people.
And then you lot who make rubbish jokes that aren't funny >:(
Q: Why do Computer Scientists get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?
A: Because Oct. 31 = Dec. 25.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who do not.
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.
The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.
Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.
Oh come on, you expect me to go through this entire thread? If it's a repeat just ignore it.It was posted today. in the last page. I expect your short term memory to last more then 5 hours.
I didn't read that post, it has nothing to do with memory.Oh come on, you expect me to go through this entire thread? If it's a repeat just ignore it.It was posted today. in the last page. I expect your short term memory to last more then 5 hours.
It still was horrible. I'm just too lazy to hit the " ' " key.
I wish you were too lazy to hit the "Post" button.
It still was horrible. I'm just too lazy to hit the " ' " key.
I wish you were too lazy to hit the "Post" button.
I just read all 11 pages. This was the funniest thing by far.
Does no one like my joke? I thought it was rather clever.
Does no one like my joke? I thought it was rather clever.The reason we didn't laugh was not that we didn't get it.....(triple negative)
I would, but I don't get it. Tell me what the real phrase or whatever is, and I won't laugh, but I'll realise that I should have laughed.
Does no one like my joke? I thought it was rather clever.
The punchline was that she put Descartes(The cart) before the horse.
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
I've got a joke:
Socialism
Environmentalism
Religion
*smug laughter*
True dat. Seriously, though, all of those groups are mainly composed of people with their hearts in the right place, but their heads up their asses.
True dat. Seriously, though, all of those groups are mainly composed of people with their hearts in the right place, but their heads up their asses.
???
Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc... While this is going on, lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two's hand.
Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, "What is this?", to which lawyer number one replies, "It's that $50 I owe you."
You're outta math jokes? Hang on, I've got one:
Mrs. Jones, the math teacher, asks little Jimmy, "If there were 5 birds sitting on a phone line and you shot and killed one, how many would be left?"
Jimmy answers "None."
Mrs. Jones shakes her head. "No," she explains, "if there were 5 birds and you shot one, then 5 take away 1 leaves 4 birds left."
Jimmy shakes his head and replies, "No. If I shot and killed one of the birds, the others would fly away, 'cause they'd see how good a shot I was."
Mrs. Jones smiles and says "Good point. I like the way you think.:
Jimmy looks up and says "Now I have a question for you. Three woman are eating ice cream, and one is licking it, one is sucking it, and one is biting it. Which one is married?"
Mrs. Jones thinks for a bit and says, "Ummmmm..., the one biting it?"
Jimmy smiles and says, "No, the one with the wedding band on. But I like the way you think."
The slope of the green triangle's hypotenuse is 5/2, or 2.5, while the slope of the red triangle's hypotenuse is 8/3, or 2.(6). Therefore, when the red triangle is on the bottom and the green triangle is on top, this forms an angle inward, whereas when the situation is reversed, the angle protrudes outwards, creating an empty space of one unit.
5/2? 8/3? Don't you mean 2/5 and 3/8?
Three blind mice walk into a bar. They are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from their predicament would be exploitative.
Joke made up by my 5 year old:
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be a baygull (bagel)!!
The best thing is, he doesnt even know a bagel exists.
Bagels arent part of his diet.Oh I see, he seems like a smart kid :)
Oh he is, he takes after his dad..........................and when we find him we will tell him!Bagels arent part of his diet.Oh I see, he seems like a smart kid :)
An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.
At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."
The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"
The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.
Then he quietly explained;
"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to."
He is canadian with a british passport/citizenship!!An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.
At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."
The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"
The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.
Then he quietly explained;
"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to."
Hey, uhhhh not to undermine what the Brits did on D-Day or anything.....but it was the Canadians on Juno beach. So I am not sure as to what part the joke is making me laugh at. The fact that a Brit was with the Canadians? Or that he showed up to the wrong beach. ;D Sorry I couldn't help myself. ;)
An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.
He was canadian and then after the war he met a lovely english girl call mary. After living here for 6 years he applied for british nationaility.An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.
Well tell the story right then. ;) Or did he become British after the war? Then I guess it might make sense.
Limited British forces were also present on Juno.
I know that at least a contingent of British marines accompanied the Canadian Army as a part of Force J. You can probably find precise details online if you care enough to google them.Limited British forces were also present on Juno.
Hmm...I'm not sure about that. The brits were on Gold and Sword if I'm not mistaken. I do know they met up with the Canadians at the end of the day though.
So three guys walk into a bar. One of them is a member of a social minority, one is a member of a racial minority. Hilarity ensues.bwa ha ha ha ha ha, i get jokes.
Q: How many buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's not very zen of you.
The results of the much less publicised 'Pavlov's cats' experiment
Day One: Rang bell, cat fucked off. (Oh dear)
Day Two: Rang bell, cat went and answered door.
Day Three: Rang bell, cat said he had eaten earlier. (cheeky bugger)
Day Four: Went to ring bell, but cat had stolen batteries.
Final Day, Day Five: Went and rang bell with new batteries, but cat put his paw on bell so it only made a thunk noise. Then cat rang his own bell.
I ate food.
A guide to the British Press:Dear deirdre is hillarious
The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country;
The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country;
The Times is read by the people who actually do run the country;
The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country;
The Financial Times is read by people who own the country;
The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country;
And The Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.
Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits.
In a similar vein:
(http://www.oriontrading.com/ceramics/imags_ceramic/jugs.jpg)
The Times: The craftsmanship on these earthenware water carriers is stunning. The elegant handles connect smoothly with the body to create a thoroughly aesthetically pleasing piece of pottery.
The Sun: Nice Jugs!
Here's one my stats lecturer put up on the course website:
A mathematician, a statistician, and an engineer are asked to test the following hypothesis: All odd numbers greater than one are prime. The mathematician: "Three is a prime, five is a prime, seven is a prime, but nine is not a prime. Therefore, the hypothesis is false." The statistician: "Three is a prime, five is a prime, seven is a prime, nine is not a prime, eleven is a prime, and thirteen is a prime. Hence, five out of six experiments support the hypothesis. There is some evidence that it is true." The engineer: "Three is a prime, five's a prime, seven's a prime, nine's a prime..."
My best mate is entering the X-Factor this year and I wanted to give him all the help and support I can.
So I've killed his mum.
In the UK version of X factor, no matter how you sing, if your mom has died you get through.My best mate is entering the X-Factor this year and I wanted to give him all the help and support I can.
So I've killed his mum.
I'm not sure where the joke in that is...
In the UK version of X factor, no matter how you sing, if your mom has died you get through.My best mate is entering the X-Factor this year and I wanted to give him all the help and support I can.
So I've killed his mum.
I'm not sure where the joke in that is...
Hang on, your pulling me up and some joke are about engineers and mathematicians!
In austrailia they don't build anything so engineers don't learn math.Here's one my stats lecturer put up on the course website:
A mathematician, a statistician, and an engineer are asked to test the following hypothesis: All odd numbers greater than one are prime. The mathematician: "Three is a prime, five is a prime, seven is a prime, but nine is not a prime. Therefore, the hypothesis is false." The statistician: "Three is a prime, five is a prime, seven is a prime, nine is not a prime, eleven is a prime, and thirteen is a prime. Hence, five out of six experiments support the hypothesis. There is some evidence that it is true." The engineer: "Three is a prime, five's a prime, seven's a prime, nine's a prime..."
I have two complaints about this. Firstly, it's not even that funny. Secondly, why would an engineer fail maths?
In austrailia they don't build anything so engineers don't learn math.
That is disgusting. Whoever worked on that bridge should jump off of it. Chest first.
That is disgusting. Whoever worked on that bridge should jump off of it. Chest first.
Aw, I like the bridge. Although probably what I actually like is the sky and river. They are both very pretty.
It's a harbour, not a fucking river. They call it the Sydney Harbour Bridge for a reason, you know.
In austrailia they don't build anything so engineers don't learn math.
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a8/Sydney_harbour_bridge_new_south_wales.jpg/800px-Sydney_harbour_bridge_new_south_wales.jpg)
It's a harbour, not a fucking river. They call it the Sydney Harbour Bridge for a reason, you know.
To be honest, I really don't give a fuck. Maybe if it were in Canada, even Mexico. But Australia, I really just can't be bothered to learn the geography of such an insignificant country.
All you need to know about Australia is that they roll east coast style, there is a big rock, a big fence, a big reef, and lots of crazy animals. Also, things have funny names.
All you need to know about Australia is that they roll east coast style, there is a big rock, a big fence, a big reef, and lots of crazy animals. Also, things have funny names.
I had a girlfriend go to Australia once and cheat on me, but at least I can take comfort in the fact that she didn't cheat on me with Steve.
Have you heard the one about the gay Romans at the crucifixion?
They wanted to nail Jesus.
My girlfriend has left me a note:
"I'm leaving you because you're so stupid and bigoted."
Well I'm not stupid, I'm just dyslexic. And I can't help it if I have big toes.
I've been playing online poker for about a year now. Last night my girlfriend told me it's either poker or her.
I think she's bluffing.
Que?I've been playing online poker for about a year now. Last night my girlfriend told me it's either poker or her.
I think she's bluffing.
Lol, idk my bff jill?
Que?I've been playing online poker for about a year now. Last night my girlfriend told me it's either poker or her.
I think she's bluffing.
Lol, idk my bff jill?
Que?I've been playing online poker for about a year now. Last night my girlfriend told me it's either poker or her.
I think she's bluffing.
Lol, idk my bff jill?
Donde esta la biblioteca?
In austrailia they don't build anything so engineers don't learn math.
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a8/Sydney_harbour_bridge_new_south_wales.jpg/800px-Sydney_harbour_bridge_new_south_wales.jpg)
Was she hot?
This Chinese chap goes into a bank to change some currency. After receiving his money he asks, "How come I came in here with same amount of money as yesterday but today I get less Yuans in return?"
The banker says, "Fluctuations."
The Chinese guy replies, "Fluck you Blitish too."
Four friends have been doing really well in their calculus class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday party in another city - even though the exam is scheduled for Monday morning. As it happens, they drink too much at the party, and on Monday morning, they are all hung over and oversleep. When they finally arrive on campus, the exam is already over.
They go to the professor's office and offer him an explanation: "We went to our friend's birthday party, and when we were driving back home very early on Monday morning, we suddenly had a flat tire. We had no spare one, and since we were driving on backroads, it took hours until we got help."
The professor nods sympathetically and says: "I see that it was not your fault. I will allow you to make up for the missed exam tomorrow morning."
When they arrive early on Tuesday morning, the students are put by the professor in a large lecture hall and are seated so far apart from each other that, even if they tried, they had no chance to cheat. The exam booklets are already in place, and confidently, the students start writing.
The first question - five points out of one hundred - is a simple exercise in integration, and all four finish it within ten minutes.
When the first of them has completed the problem, he turns over the page of the exam booklet and reads on the next one:
Problem 2 (95 points out of 100): Which tire went flat?
Knock knock
Whos there?
The Austrian Police...................No its just daddy again!!
Problem 2 (95 points out of 100): Which tire went flat?
Think FritzlKnock knock
Whos there?
The Austrian Police...................No its just daddy again!!
I don't get it.
The physicist and the engineer are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. They yell out for help: "Helllloooooo! Where are we?"
15 minutes later, they hear an echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You're in a hot-air balloon!!"
The physicist says, "That must have been a mathematician."
The engineer asks, "Why do you say that?"
The physicist replied: "The answer was absolutely correct, and it was utterly useless."
The father replies, "I don't want them fucking your mother after I'm gone!"
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for life.
Give an octopus nunchucks, and no-one's eating fish ever again.
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a night.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Don't people get cold when they die?Not in hell (SCG here is where santa rules!!!)
I meant their corpses. But alright.
I meant their corpses. But alright.
It says for the rest of his life. Not forever.
What's worse than people following an institution that says a God exists?fix'd
This joke.
That wasn't funny at all, and this certainly is not the place for such a joke.
You know, we like noobs who have something between their ears except for useless fatty tissue, but if you're not a believer yet, you're not getting this site.
Dude, read that post again. I'm actually calling you the exception to the rule that all newbies to the forum are idiots.
Question: "How many seconds are there in a year?"Answer: "Twelve, January second, February second, March second, ..."
your just saying that because you didn't post it yourself.Question: "How many seconds are there in a year?"Answer: "Twelve, January second, February second, March second, ..."
That was fucking terrible and you should be ashamed of yourself.
I knew a guy who fell into an industrial grinding machine.
He?s fine now.
If you watch Schindler's List backwards, a flaming dog-pile of Jews self-distinguishes itself, disperses, and winds up in Krakow just in time for Hanukkah.
No, but that's actually better. I'll change it.If you watch Schindler's List backwards, a flaming dog-pile of Jews self-distinguishes itself, disperses, and winds up in Krakow just in time for Hanukkah.
Distinguish=extinguish?
A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, can't you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!" The man replies, "No, I can't read the sign - I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender is embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house. Later that day, the guy is telling his friend about it: "I told him I was blind and I got a free beer!" The friend then takes his dog into the bar and sits down, and the bartender says, "The sign says no dogs allowed! You'll have to leave!" The friend says, "Sorry, I can't see the sign because I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender replies, "Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as seeing eye dogs?" The man says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"
God forbid a clean joke be funny -_-
God forbid a clean joke be funny -_-
Okay, now you're making assumptions about why people don't like your jokes. Please don't stereotype people, it is rude and very narrow-minded.
Okay I won't do what y'all do all the time..
Okay I won't do what y'all do all the time..
Good. It would make you a hypocrite if you did things that you complained about other people doing. :)
also it makes you a bad person to tell a joke involving a bar and an animal. They arent funny.Okay I won't do what y'all do all the time..
Good. It would make you a hypocrite if you did things that you complained about other people doing. :)
also it makes you a bad person to tell a joke involving a bar and an animal. They arent funny.Okay I won't do what y'all do all the time..
Good. It would make you a hypocrite if you did things that you complained about other people doing. :)
also it makes you a bad person to tell a joke involving a bar and an animal. They arent funny.Okay I won't do what y'all do all the time..
Good. It would make you a hypocrite if you did things that you complained about other people doing. :)
That's because you don't get clean humor...
also it makes you a bad person to tell a joke involving a bar and an animal. They arent funny.Okay I won't do what y'all do all the time..
Good. It would make you a hypocrite if you did things that you complained about other people doing. :)
That's because you don't get clean humor...
Far more likely and noncondescending is that the joke wasn't funny.
maybe not that one to some (I thought it was funny the first time I read it) but there are clean jokes that are funny.
also it makes you a bad person to tell a joke involving a bar and an animal. They arent funny.Okay I won't do what y'all do all the time..
Good. It would make you a hypocrite if you did things that you complained about other people doing. :)
That's because you don't get clean humor...
Far more likely and noncondescending is that the joke wasn't funny.
maybe not that one to some (I thought it was funny the first time I read it) but there are clean jokes that are funny.
also it makes you a bad person to tell a joke involving a bar and an animal. They arent funny.Okay I won't do what y'all do all the time..
Good. It would make you a hypocrite if you did things that you complained about other people doing. :)
That's because you don't get clean humor...
Far more likely and noncondescending is that the joke wasn't funny.
maybe not that one to some (I thought it was funny the first time I read it) but there are clean jokes that are funny.
You did not need to tell me that clean jokes can be funny. In fact, I find it severely insulting that you have judged me without basis to be the type that could not find clean jokes funny.
also it makes you a bad person to tell a joke involving a bar and an animal. They arent funny.Okay I won't do what y'all do all the time..
Good. It would make you a hypocrite if you did things that you complained about other people doing. :)
That's because you don't get clean humor...
A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, can't you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!" The man replies, "No, I can't read the sign - I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender is embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house. Later that day, the guy is telling his friend about it: "I told him I was blind and I got a free beer!" The friend then takes his dog into the bar and sits down, and the bartender says, "The sign says no dogs allowed! You'll have to leave!" The friend says, "Sorry, I can't see the sign because I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender replies, "Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as seeing eye dogs?" The man says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"
also it makes you a bad person to tell a joke involving a bar and an animal. They arent funny.Okay I won't do what y'all do all the time..
Good. It would make you a hypocrite if you did things that you complained about other people doing. :)
That's because you don't get clean humor...
Far more likely and noncondescending is that the joke wasn't funny.
maybe not that one to some (I thought it was funny the first time I read it) but there are clean jokes that are funny.
You did not need to tell me that clean jokes can be funny. In fact, I find it severely insulting that you have judged me without basis to be the type that could not find clean jokes funny.
No I didn't judge you as one of those.
That was terrible, and you should be ashamed of yourself.Longest setup evar.
You know what the best thing is about my sister being a prostitute?
The family discount.
Mykael.................Jokes...............Your doing it wrongLIES
TruthageMykael.................Jokes...............Your doing it wrongLIES
A man walks into a bar, and......says ouch?
(Complete the joke.)
(http://creativebrief.thoughtdistrict.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/funny-pictures-cat-walks-into-a-bar.jpg)I wish, i hate cats.
Chemist (or Dan Quayle): What's a prime?
The writer of the Hokey Kokey died last week at the age of 93. The funeral was a traumatic time for his family which started with the coffin. Everything was going fine until they put his left foot in and then the trouble started.
Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, and by induction - every odd integer higher than 2 is a prime.Your doing it wrong
Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime. Just to be sure, try several randomly chosen numbers: 17 is a prime, 23 is a prime...
Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an approximation to a prime, 11 is a prime,...
Programmer (reading the output on the screen): 3 is a prime, 3 is a prime, 3 a is prime, 3 is a prime....
Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- results have not arrived yet,...
Psychologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime but tries to suppress it,...
Chemist (or Dan Quayle): What's a prime?
Politician: "Some numbers are prime.. but the goal is to create a kinder, gentler society where all numbers are prime... "
Programmer: "Wait a minute, I think I have an algorithm from Knuth on finding prime numbers... just a little bit longer, I've found the last bug... no, that's not it... ya know, I think there may be a compiler bug here - oh, did you want IEEE-998.0334 rounding or not? - was that in the spec? - hold on, I've almost got it - I was up all night working on this program, ya know... now if management would just get me that new workstation that just came out, I'd be done by now... etc., etc. ..."
All of your jokes are awful. Please stop posting in this thread.I liked it better when you went away
Husband: Do you fancy playing a rape game?
Wife: No
Husband: Thats the spirit
At an England training session, Rooney gets the ball and dribbles around Ashley Cole, Wright-Phillips, Heskey, Ferdinand and Richards. Capello shakes his head and says 'the cones Waynes, I said go around the cones!',I still don't get this one.
Me either. :(At an England training session, Rooney gets the ball and dribbles around Ashley Cole, Wright-Phillips, Heskey, Ferdinand and Richards. Capello shakes his head and says 'the cones Waynes, I said go around the cones!',I still don't get this one.
either women or not from the uk.You know I don't follow soccer.
FOOT BALLeither women or not from the uk.You know I don't follow soccer.
Footy?Ha Ha, i will accept this also.
Fussball. I respect you guys from the UK, but I still think your best players were Shearer and Gascoigne. /end derailmentFriedrich come to http://www.theflatearthsociety.org/forum/index.php?topic=35825.220
At an England training session, Rooney gets the ball and dribbles around Ashley Cole, Wright-Phillips, Heskey, Ferdinand and Richards. Capello shakes his head and says 'the cones Waynes, I said go around the cones!',I still don't get this one.
Its bad when jokes have to be explained :)At an England training session, Rooney gets the ball and dribbles around Ashley Cole, Wright-Phillips, Heskey, Ferdinand and Richards. Capello shakes his head and says 'the cones Waynes, I said go around the cones!',I still don't get this one.
Judging by the names they were all black. Now mispronounce "cones" a few times and TA DA. insta racism.
It's very bad. That's why I just get condescending.Its bad when jokes have to be explained :)At an England training session, Rooney gets the ball and dribbles around Ashley Cole, Wright-Phillips, Heskey, Ferdinand and Richards. Capello shakes his head and says 'the cones Waynes, I said go around the cones!',I still don't get this one.
Judging by the names they were all black. Now mispronounce "cones" a few times and TA DA. insta racism.
At an England training session, Rooney gets the ball and dribbles around Ashley Cole, Wright-Phillips, Heskey, Ferdinand and Richards. Capello shakes his head and says 'the cones Waynes, I said go around the cones!',I still don't get this one.
Judging by the names they were all black. Now mispronounce "cones" a few times and TA DA. insta racism.
I'm going to bring back that pun.
So, my Freind's Sister's Uncle's Child's Father's Wife's Nephew's Sister's Boyfriend's Slave's Obscure Relative has a dog named Penny. He wants to shave Penny, but its Winter(that cold time of the year). So if whats-his-face(^) shaves Penny in the Winter Penny will die in the cold. If Penny dies in the cold than they would have to Cremate Penny.
So it has been brought to statement by a man not being my self that" A penny Shaved is A Penny Urned" (you probally could stop reading here) Which has lead me to the conclusion that because penny does actually exist the this pun was all planed out. Which leave me with my Guess It was Ms. off-plaid-sort-of-a-colour in the slave quarters with the Metal Gnome.
Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
Part man part part trollThree blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
I love Bill Bailey.
What back and white and red all over?or a newspaper. Better if you say it though.
Panda rape!
Or a beaten up nunWhat back and white and red all over?or a newspaper. Better if you say it though.
Panda rape!
a lady walks into an ice cream shop and asks the man at the counter for some chocolate ice cream. the man says "sorry ma'am, we're fresh out". the women says "ok, than just give me some chocolate ice cream please". the man replies " sorry ma'am, i just told u we're out". the woman than says "really? sigh...ok, than i'll just have some chocolate ice cream". the man by this point just stairs at her for a moment and finally replies "look lady, say 'van' as in vanilla..." the woman replies in a perky voice "ok, van!". the man then says "ok, say 'straw' as in strawberry..." the lady once again replies cheerfully "straw!". the man says "good, now say 'FUCK' as in chocolate..." the lady thinks for a moment and then remarks to the man "wait a minute, there's no 'fuck' in chocolate!". To this the man replies "THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL U!!!!!"
The other day, not meaning to cause offence, I was in a pub and told the following joke:
"What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?
Throw your clothes in so they get a wash."
Once the laughing of my friends had died down, I became aware of a man on the other side of the bar, looking quite sad and talking to the barman.
The barman came over to me and told me that the gentleman at the bar had recently lost his son and that my joke had offended him. I thought I should apologise. I approached the gentleman at the bar and offered my condolences for his loss and my apologies if my joke had upset him. He said that the joke had only got to him because his son was an epileptic and it was a fit which killed him. I wondered as to how a fit could actually kill someone and the man said it was in the bath. Well, I realised then how inappropriate my joke had been in the circumstances.
"Did he drown?" I asked.
"No," replied the man; "he choked on one of my socks".
Why did they laugh?I laughed at this.