Changing sides... again.

When I first joined the FES forum I started out asking some questions. Then I became a flat-Earther. For a while I tried to advocate for a more rational FET, where science is real and Neil Armstrong and others actually did walk on the moon. But Wise shouted that I was not a "real" flat-Earther (I didn't subscribe to his version of FET) and I dropped off the forum for a while.

Then I came back as a round-Earther and tried to argue for basic common sense, until I recently got a warning for, I think, "low content posting" for saying that the whole forum belonged in CN.

So I've decided to be a flat-Earther again, and this time I'll try to be a more proper flat-Earther.

My new FE credo:

1. The Earth is flat. Absolutely flat. Mountains are just buildings built upon the flat Earth.
2. The sun and the moon are lamps, carried overhead by flying monkeys. The sun is a heat lamp that will burn you if you expose yourself to it overly. The moon is a cold lamp that will freeze your bodily organs until they shatter like glass.
3. The U.S. is run by lizard people. Donald Trump is a lizard in a people costume. All members of Congress and the courts are lizard people. NASA are all lizard people. If you get elected to office or hired by NASA, they will kidnap you and put a lizard person in your place, with your face. Your actual face which they will remove from you.
4. Birds did not evolve from dinosaurs. Birds evolved from porcupines. Humans evolved from dinosaurs. Politicians evolved from cockroaches which evolved into the lizards which put on human faces so they could run the United States. (They might be running other countries as well. I suspect that they are but I don't know.)
5. The ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter is exactly 3. Any circle which is not 3 is a fake.
6. Australia is real, and so is the south pole, but Canada is fake. There is no Canada. If you try to enter Canada you will fall off the edge of the Earth. You will fall until you enter the black hole at the center of the Milky Way, which is seven miles down. Unless you are snapped up and eaten by one of the turtles.
7. Gravity does not exist. The only reason things fall to the ground is that you expect them to.
8. Ants are your friends. They clean up the scraps of your food when you are too lazy.
9. Airplanes do not exist. What you see flying overhead are just images projected onto the  sky. When you go to the airport to board a plane, the lizard people inject you with carbolic acid and a delayed-action homeopathic antidote, which temporarily knocks you out, and they carry you on their backs and they run really fast and drop you off at your destination, where you wake up.

There. I should fit right in now.

That's great. You're the first person to ever join this forum, pretend to be FE, not do a very good job of it, then get annoyed when people didn't give you ass pats.

“Mountains are fake” has already been done.

Welcome to the stupid.

When I first joined the FES forum I started out asking some questions. Then I became a flat-Earther. For a while I tried to advocate for a more rational FET, where science is real and Neil Armstrong and others actually did walk on the moon. But Wise shouted that I was not a "real" flat-Earther (I didn't subscribe to his version of FET) and I dropped off the forum for a while.

Then I came back as a round-Earther and tried to argue for basic common sense, until I recently got a warning for, I think, "low content posting" for saying that the whole forum belonged in CN.

So I've decided to be a flat-Earther again, and this time I'll try to be a more proper flat-Earther.

My new FE credo:

1. The Earth is flat. Absolutely flat. Mountains are just buildings built upon the flat Earth.
2. The sun and the moon are lamps, carried overhead by flying monkeys. The sun is a heat lamp that will burn you if you expose yourself to it overly. The moon is a cold lamp that will freeze your bodily organs until they shatter like glass.
. . . . . . .
There. I should fit right in now.

And why wasn't this posted in CN where you claimed "that the whole forum belonged"?

Though I am reluctantly forced to admit that the National Geographic provides support for your "flying monkeys": Five New “Flying Monkeys” Identified in Amazon.

So, you are mad because you got a warning?

I'm happy when I'm speeding and I get a warning instead of a ticket. Go figure. These globs will do anything to make their existence worse than it is.

7. Gravity does not exist. The only reason things fall to the ground is that you expect them to.

Also this one is brilliant both in a philosophical sense and a "Fuck, that's funny" way. Good job.

Oh, post modern flat earth theory.

Magellanclavicord, you're a sensitive fellow, aren't you?

When the effects of watching the Wizard of Oz on magic mushies wears off, If you ask real nice, I'm sure space cowgirl will give you a giant ass pat and make it all better!   

You didn't really think insulting the whole forum by saying it belongs in complete nonsense would help you fit in, did you?

You are welcome here and you are one of us. I will never call you a bigot again. You belong here and I was wrong to be insulted. You have a bit of the shine in you. If you want to be a devils advocate, just be a little better about it. We realize the humour in what we do, and we realize we will attract that. Just don't goof it up. If you need to start up a new account. We won't blame you, or likely know.

So I've decided to be a flat-Earther again, and this time I'll try to be a more proper flat-Earther.

My new FE credo:

1. The Earth is flat. Absolutely flat. Mountains are just buildings built upon the flat Earth.
2. The sun and the moon are lamps, carried overhead by flying monkeys. The sun is a heat lamp that will burn you if you expose yourself to it overly. The moon is a cold lamp that will freeze your bodily organs until they shatter like glass.
3. The U.S. is run by lizard people. Donald Trump is a lizard in a people costume. All members of Congress and the courts are lizard people. NASA are all lizard people. If you get elected to office or hired by NASA, they will kidnap you and put a lizard person in your place, with your face. Your actual face which they will remove from you.
4. Birds did not evolve from dinosaurs. Birds evolved from porcupines. Humans evolved from dinosaurs. Politicians evolved from cockroaches which evolved into the lizards which put on human faces so they could run the United States. (They might be running other countries as well. I suspect that they are but I don't know.)
5. The ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter is exactly 3. Any circle which is not 3 is a fake.
6. Australia is real, and so is the south pole, but Canada is fake. There is no Canada. If you try to enter Canada you will fall off the edge of the Earth. You will fall until you enter the black hole at the center of the Milky Way, which is seven miles down. Unless you are snapped up and eaten by one of the turtles.
7. Gravity does not exist. The only reason things fall to the ground is that you expect them to.
8. Ants are your friends. They clean up the scraps of your food when you are too lazy.
9. Airplanes do not exist. What you see flying overhead are just images projected onto the  sky. When you go to the airport to board a plane, the lizard people inject you with carbolic acid and a delayed-action homeopathic antidote, which temporarily knocks you out, and they carry you on their backs and they run really fast and drop you off at your destination, where you wake up.

There. I should fit right in now.

This is probably the strongest Flat Earth position I have ever read.
Also Point 9 perfectly explains why Jet lag feels like your recovering from a strong drug

Jet lag is not a thing. It's just people looking for an excuse to 'chuck a sickie' when they get home from holidays and have to go back to work. Funny how jet lag never affects you when you arrive at your holiday destination - only when you get back home (or if your destination is for work).

My first trip overseas - couldn't sleep the night before - couldn't sleep on the plane. Leaving Canberra to arrive at London took just over 24 hours. Arrive at London around mid morning, still beaming and only went to bed as normal later that night no problem.

Getting back was the drag. If I had a crappy work ethic like most people, I'd have called for a day off too.

That's great. You're the first person to ever join this forum, pretend to be FE, not do a very good job of it, then get annoyed when people didn't give you ass pats.

I'm not annoyed, just noting that my first attempt at being a fake FEer failed, so I decided to have another go at it, from a different perspective. 

... And why wasn't this posted in CN where you claimed "that the whole forum belonged"?

Because I was told that that view was considered improper.    And The Lounge is listed as the place for introductions, and I see this as sort of a re-introduction.

So, you are mad because you got a warning?

I'm happy when I'm speeding and I get a warning instead of a ticket. Go figure. These globs will do anything to make their existence worse than it is.

Not angry at all. Just explaining why I decided to switch sides again, in a spirit of full disclosure.

Magellanclavicord, you're a sensitive fellow, aren't you?

Nope. 

You didn't really think insulting the whole forum by saying it belongs in complete nonsense would help you fit in, did you?

Yeah, I kinda did. Well, we all make mistakes. 

You are welcome here and you are one of us. I will never call you a bigot again. You belong here and I was wrong to be insulted. You have a bit of the shine in you. If you want to be a devils advocate, just be a little better about it. We realize the humour in what we do, and we realize we will attract that. Just don't goof it up. If you need to start up a new account. We won't blame you, or likely know.

Thank you.    But I'm too lazy to make a new account. So I'll stick with this one.

I'll be using number 7 in some youtube comments.  Good one.