The Flat Earth Society
Other Discussion Boards => Philosophy, Religion & Society => Topic started by: spanner34.5 on October 01, 2018, 03:12:56 AM
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A few years ago, I visited the blood donation clinic for one of my regular visits. On entry we log in at reception. The first communication I had with the doctor/nurse was to inform me, I was dead, so my blood was not taken. I argued with the medically qualified person well enough for my blood to be taken.
Obviously, coming back to life so quickly, it must have been the second coming.
This obviously means I am Jesus.
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Logical.
You you are clone of rabinoz.
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A few years ago, I visited the blood donation clinic for one of my regular visits. On entry we log in at reception. The first communication I had with the doctor/nurse was to inform me, I was dead, so my blood was not taken. I argued with the medically qualified person well enough for my blood to be taken.
Obviously, coming back to life so quickly, it must have been the second coming.
This obviously means I am Jesus.
But you could also be Cleomedes of Astupalaea or the Chinese Zen master Panhua or just an ordinary zombie.
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A few years ago, I visited the blood donation clinic for one of my regular visits. On entry we log in at reception. The first communication I had with the doctor/nurse was to inform me, I was dead, so my blood was not taken. I argued with the medically qualified person well enough for my blood to be taken.
Obviously, coming back to life so quickly, it must have been the second coming.
This obviously means I am Jesus.
Or, maybe you're Lazarus.
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Bobby Ewing? Or Kenny.
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Captain Jack Harkness?
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Unfortunately healthcare in America has gotten so bad that many people are having to turn to flat Earth societies to tell if they're zombies or jesus.
A few basic questions to narrow this down.
Do you have the power of flight?
Is your flesh rotting off your bones?
Do you crave raw human meat?
Has anyone ever cured themselves of an illness by touching the hem of your garment?
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Do you have the power of flight?
Wait. Superman can fly, but Jesus can't. He can only walk on water. Zombies can't fly either. So why do you ask the question? If he could fly he would be Superman.
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Do you have the power of flight?
Wait. Superman can fly, but Jesus can't. He can only walk on water. Zombies can't fly either. So why do you ask the question? If he could fly he would be Superman.
Jesus ascended to heaven. The Bible never clearly stated what that means exactly but I'm certain he didn't use an escalator.
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Do you have the power of flight?
Wait. Superman can fly, but Jesus can't. He can only walk on water. Zombies can't fly either. So why do you ask the question? If he could fly he would be Superman.
Jesus ascended to heaven. The Bible never clearly stated what that means exactly but I'm certain he didn't use an escalator.
That's only God taking him into heaven. He did the same with Muhammad (blessed be his beard) yet they never show him flying around in the movies they play at Ramadan.
Okay, they never show Muhammad at all in the movies, but they do not show Jesus flying around either. Compare that to a Superman movie! I insist that the ability to fly does not tell him if he is Jesus or not.
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I think they flew up to heaven on a flying horse.
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I think they flew up to heaven on a flying horse.
The prophet (peace be upon his teeth and knuckles) used a flying horse. Jesus only stretches his arms and then comes the tractor beam taking him back to his planet.
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INVISIBLE WINGS!
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I think they flew up to heaven on a flying horse.
The prophet (peace be upon his teeth and knuckles) used a flying horse. Jesus only stretches his arms and then comes the tractor beam taking him back to his planet.
Well that's just batshit crazy. Nowhere in the bible does it mention tractor beam technology.
It is possible that jesus had the power of levitation though.
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I think they flew up to heaven on a flying horse.
The prophet (peace be upon his teeth and knuckles) used a flying horse. Jesus only stretches his arms and then comes the tractor beam taking him back to his planet.
Well that's just batshit crazy. Nowhere in the bible does it mention tractor beam technology.
It is possible that jesus had the power of levitation though.
Because people back then did not know about tractor beams and UFO religions. Although Ezechiel clearly describes one in his book.
When Jesus could levitate, why didn't he levitate into Jerusalem instead of sitting on a donkey? His anti-gravitation device was obviously strong enough for water, but not for air.
When Jesus could levitate
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Unfortunately healthcare in America has gotten so bad that many people are having to turn to flat Earth societies to tell if they're zombies or jesus.
Why do you assume that he went to an American hospital?
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Spanner is a tool. Could be shifting, or ring, but probably not open-ended.
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Try to walk on water. If you sink, so you are not. If you do not sink, so you are. Everytime it works.
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The zombie possibility appears wrong, no rotting flesh. Any other skills I am not sure, only recently did I realise I am Jesus so I will have to experiment.
I do confirm though, the Earth is flat.
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Now I am all powerful, I must do good./
Most of the world's ills are caused by over population.
Any suggestions how I can reduce the population of the planet to about a tenth of the present, without appearing to be too much of a twat?
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I have to rid the Earth of approx 7 billion people. This is not an easy occupation.
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I have to rid the Earth of approx 7 billion people. This is not an easy occupation.
Ask your father for help, he probably has a few tricks he can share.
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I have to rid the Earth of approx 7 billion people. This is not an easy occupation.
Ask your father for help, he probably has a few tricks he can share.
He didn't mind looking like a twat. For example, my mother was only 12 when she gave birth.
I would prefer to appear kind and lovely.
Killing 7 billion nicely is very hard.
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Can you handle an influx of 7 billion souls?
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Can you handle an influx of 7 billion souls?
Not sure, how much space does a soul occupy?
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Can you handle an influx of 7 billion souls?
Not sure, how much space does a soul occupy?
Roughly 4 by 2.
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I suggest a month long, by appointment only, Orgy, that includes drugs drink and lots of cake, on entering you can make alterations to your body and face, like the start of Skyrim, so everyone is happy with their looks and it will encourage the old as well as the young.
Call it “The chance to meet your God and let your hair down”, police it with Tigers.
In the second week or as people seem to be tiring, introduce tranquilisers, then napalm the fucking lot, do one in America and another on the Russia-Chinese border.
Report the incident vaguely as a possible terrorist/maybe faulty gas main tragedy that the police can’t look into as they were all invited, sweeten it with the fact there are a lot of empty houses going free and the fact that all the tigers escaped.
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He is.
Spanner for mod!
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">:( SPANNER34.5 CHRIST!!" just doesn't sound right.
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I think they flew up to heaven on a flying horse.
The prophet (peace be upon his teeth and knuckles) used a flying horse. Jesus only stretches his arms and then comes the tractor beam taking him back to his planet.
Well that's just batshit crazy. Nowhere in the bible does it mention tractor beam technology.
It is possible that jesus had the power of levitation though.
There's an ancient hymn about a stairway that leads to heaven. In it, it is sung: There are two paths you can go by, but in the long run there's still time to change the road you're on. Come to think of it, that sounds more like an escalator. I bet that's what Jesus used to get there. He was a walker, that JC, so if it was an escalator, I bet he didn't just stand and wait. I bet he walked with a purpose.
I have to rid the Earth of approx 7 billion people. This is not an easy occupation.
Ask your father for help, he probably has a few tricks he can share.
He didn't mind looking like a twat. For example, my mother was only 12 when she gave birth.
I would prefer to appear kind and lovely.
Killing 7 billion nicely is very hard.
Thanos taught us, being merciful sometimes appears cruel to those you are helping. I'm not sure what his kill count was, but I'm sure it was higher than 7 billion.
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Thanos taught us, being merciful sometimes appears cruel to those you are helping. I'm not sure what his kill count was, but I'm sure it was higher than 7 billion.
as Nick Lowe explains:
You've gotta be cruel to be kind, in the right measure
Cruel to be kind, it's a very good sign
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All us lot had a get together, quite impressed by a few, Satan for one, a thoroughly sensible chap. Buddha, though is a right twat.
The opinion was that you lot have fecked things up so badly, it cannot be repaired.
The only possible solution is a drastic population reduction. Until this happens, you are on your own.
We were thinking it would be better just to start again somewhere else.
Have fun for the time being, you ain't got long left.
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All us lot had a get together, quite impressed by a few, Satan for one, a thoroughly sensible chap. Buddha, though is a right twat.
The opinion was that you lot have fecked things up so badly, it cannot be repaired.
The only possible solution is a drastic population reduction. Until this happens, you are on your own.
We were thinking it would be better just to start again somewhere else.
Have fun for the time being, you ain't got long left.
Ok, thanks for the heads up, I'm off to Jura-Glenlivet's party, I hear it's going to be a hot one.
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All us lot had a get together, quite impressed by a few, Satan for one, a thoroughly sensible chap. Buddha, though is a right twat.
The opinion was that you lot have fecked things up so badly, it cannot be repaired.
The only possible solution is a drastic population reduction. Until this happens, you are on your own.
We were thinking it would be better just to start again somewhere else.
Have fun for the time being, you ain't got long left.
Ok, thanks for the heads up, I'm off to Jura-Glenlivet's party, I hear it's going to be a hot one.
Good party?
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This must be why the werewolves are here!
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The bondage nuns were a hit.
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Jesus is a false prophet, as written by the prophet Tommy Wiseau. May you be touched by his noodly appendage, comrade.
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Jesus is a false prophet, as written by the prophet Tommy Wiseau. May you be touched by his noodly appendage, comrade.
That would make spanner my alt, right?
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Jesus is a false prophet, as written by the prophet Tommy Wiseau. May you be touched by his noodly appendage, comrade.
That would make spanner my alt, right?
LOL, cute, but beware of noodly appendages at Jura-Glenlivet's parties.
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Unfortunately healthcare in America has gotten so bad that many people are having to turn to flat Earth societies to tell if they're zombies or jesus.
A few basic questions to narrow this down.
Do you have the power of flight?
Is your flesh rotting off your bones?
Do you crave raw human meat?
Has anyone ever cured themselves of an illness by touching the hem of your garment?
Pretty sure this is the best comment on the entirety of this website. :D